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Realised yet again how far down the list I am

(11 Posts)
BreakOutTheKaraoke Mon 17-Nov-14 08:55:55

I've been ill this week with a rather cracking migraine, and then an ear infection joined it for good measure. So I've been off work, which is a fairly drastic measure for me. I hate been ill, it reminds me how single I am. It's just reminded me how I'm not even factored in on others lists of priorities.

I've had a couple of messages off friends, which I appreciate, I really do. But it just reminds that when a friend is ill, or a sibling, I always ask if they need anything from shops, or want me to pop round, look after the kids for a few hours or run them to doctors appointments. But they don't need me to, they all have partners to do that for them.

A friend messaged last night to ask if I was OK, and then used the opportunity to cancel a night out in a couple of weeks, that we've had planned for a while. This is a close friend, who I work with, but we don't often work the same shifts, so we don't do much. She's cancelled on our night out, and is going away for the night with her partner instead. I do know that's not unreasonable at all, but why aren't I on peoples lists as a priority at all? I'm a good person, a good friend, but I just feel like I don't matter.

Should I really expect that because I'm single, I'm not important to anybody? This made me cry last night, and again this morning- I'm feeling poorly, and very let down. But how do I manage my expectations of what to expect from friends and family?

HumblePieMonster Mon 17-Nov-14 09:01:08

Expect sod all from them and be delighted if anything pleasant turns up. Fill your life with interesting things that don't depend on the support of other people. When they realise you don't need them, they'll think you're so interesting they'll want to have you around. And if not, you'll be too busy to notice.

Lweji Mon 17-Nov-14 09:03:55

Do you have any single friends? It might be easier to find things to do together and you could mutually support each other.

Moln Mon 17-Nov-14 09:05:31

Some people did message you, I wouldn't take it that because they didn't offer to help as sign, I know you offer, but it doesn't occur to everyone.

Does your friend who cancelled have form? If she does then yes question her friendship, but if not then she probably just told you now rather than wait to tell you cliser to the time (in other words deliberately hold it from you)

You sound very down though, I hope you feel better soon, but maybe you should speak to your gp

BreakOutTheKaraoke Mon 17-Nov-14 09:27:13

My main single friend has had a week off work, and has been casually dating someone, so I haven't heard from her. Yet another reason that I think a man comes along, and friends go out of the window.

I generally don't feel down- I'm perfectly fine being single, I definitely prefer it to being in a bad relationship. It's just times like this that remind you that when you are single you are alone. I've been feeling ill, but still had to go make my own cup of tea, and make sure my daughters uniform is washed for school. Daft stuff, like the thread in Christmas asking if you fill your own Christmas stocking. Posters ridiculing it, saying it's pathetic. Well, yes it is pathetic, thank you for reminding me that I have no-one who cares about me enough in my life to do that, but I still need to to keep up the pretence for my DD.

Sorry, just been a bit weepy here, think it's the days of broken sleep coming out. How do you make your life fabulous when it's just you and your kid? I make hers good, but what do I do for me?

Moln Mon 17-Nov-14 09:32:45

People ridicule the thread? I didnt read it, but what very horrible and nasty people.

How do you make life good for yourself? Well do you have a hobby, or something you'd like for yourself? How old is your daughter, I mean is she old enough to be without you? If not perhaps we can think of something you can do together where there's others in a similar situation.

BreakOutTheKaraoke Mon 17-Nov-14 09:41:17

No hobbies as such, I am studying with the OU in my spare time. My shifts change from week to week, so don't have a set day off that I can do something. DD is 10, so not old enough to be by herself on an evening. She doesn't see her dad, and family look after her while I work so not really able to expect them to look after her while I take up a hobby or regularly go out.

I sound really negative here, and honestly, I'm not that person. I've just been by myself and independant for so long. I'd just quite like someone to take care of me for a couple of days for a change. I put so much into my work, my friends and family, and it's just hit me that it's quite a one way street.

LesserOfTwoWeevils Mon 17-Nov-14 10:27:20

No solutions, I'm in the same boat as you (but years down the line).

But I admire your coping skills, hope you are feeling better physically at least and am sending flowers

Vivacia Mon 17-Nov-14 10:36:08

Keep in mind that you've been poorly, so your resilience to these slights will be low. Doesn't excuse them though.


BreakOutTheKaraoke Mon 17-Nov-14 12:00:07

Thanks, I'm trying to bear in mind that I appear to be a weepy, hormonal wreck at the moment.

Jan45 Mon 17-Nov-14 12:05:40

You are right to have a moan and it's at these times when we do feel sorry for ourselves, bear in mind, even women in relationships feel alone, esp when ill so take heart from that!

I find that if you don't ask for help then it's not always forthcoming, people like to feel they are needed so next time actually say yes I need you to do this or that.....

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