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is he using her?

(10 Posts)
lemisscared Sun 16-Nov-14 17:26:02

After a disastrous relationship a friend of mine met someone on uniform hmm

i was very hmm and thought he was just after sex. She SAID she was just looking for something casual. Which made me shock as my friend really isnt like that. (Not that THAT is bad but not her iyswim) she isavery loving caring person.

Anyway just over four months in aftera day with him ( she drives there once a week!) Considerable distance. She asks if she is hiS Gf now. He says doesn't want that sort of commitment. Despite having taken both sets of dc for days out.

He's using her for sex isn't he?

lemisscared Sun 16-Nov-14 17:26:59

Or is it too soon to be asking that?

makeitabetterplace Sun 16-Nov-14 17:29:35

No it's not too soon to be asking. I'd say after a few weeks and certainly at a month that's an ok question to ask, especially as there are children involved. He may not be 'using' her but her certainly doesn't see to want a relationship with her, if he did the wouldn't have answered that question as he did. I think she should move on and not get children involved until,things are definite. However she's not asked your opinion so you just haven't bite your lip sad

Only1scoop Sun 16-Nov-14 17:29:44

After 4 months shock I'd make sure I knew where we stood.

I wouldn't be introducing kids to a casual shag dater.

lemisscared Sun 16-Nov-14 17:45:22

makeitabetterplace Thats just my problem, she has asked shocksad

I have been in a relationship with my DP for 22 years, we have had our ups and downs but its been mostly good and there was never any of this not knowing where i stood bullshit. Well not that i can remember, although he did take 5 years to move in with me and we were a long distance thing, although not online (obviously smile )

Fairenuff Sun 16-Nov-14 17:47:20

If she is having sex with him because she wants to and because she enjoys it, how is he using her? It sounds like he is being honest to me.

King1982 Sun 16-Nov-14 17:51:08

Hasn't he already answered your friend. He isn't looking for a girlfriend at the moment. I think he has been straight forward about that. It's up to your friend to do what she wants with his answer.

GarlicNovember Sun 16-Nov-14 17:55:59

In all fairness, she was up for a 'casual' thing and that's what they both agreed to. It's perfectly reasonable for her to decide she's had enough of casual, and end it. He's been honest; so should she (with herself as well as him.)

He's not using her - he hasn't misled her. Casual affairs are about using one another, in a way. If the 'use' is wearing thin for her, she should knock it on the head.

lemisscared Sun 16-Nov-14 18:04:57

Yes, you are right, he has been clear from the start. it is just so one sided, she goes to him, he doesn't actually take her out on dates, which is fine if all you want is casual sex - but deep down she wants more. CAsual sex for her was a way to get affection.

So, how do i support her?

Fairenuff Sun 16-Nov-14 18:08:57

Then she is the one not being honest. She should end it if she's not happy with the situation.

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