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question about starting to date women

(9 Posts)
awkwardaardvark Sun 16-Nov-14 16:24:28

I am in my late 20s, i have 2 small dc, and im single.
I have always been attracted to women but ive never acted on it. There have been times when i really really wanted to go out and meet a woman, but i was afraid of coming out to people etc. Since i like men too i just stuck with straight relationships.
Im now at a point where im wondering if i find relationships with men so difficult because id be better suited to a lesbian relationship. Maybe, despite my attraction to both, id be happier with a woman.
But as i say, im late 20s. Ive never been with a woman. I dont know how to meet queer women. If i did meet a queer woman, id have no idea what to do when it became physical. Im afraid id be dumped for being shit in bed.
Im sure there must be women here who didnt have a lesbian relationship until my age or older. Please talk me down out of my madness. Tell me if i meet the right person it will just click and be ok. Tell me that people will understand that i am inexperienced. Tell me its ok to want a woman in my life.

peachgirl Mon 17-Nov-14 08:51:54

I haven't experienced this myself, but I'm bumping this in the hope that someone who knows will reply and give you some help.

awkwardaardvark Mon 17-Nov-14 10:01:23

Thank you flowers

GoatsDoRoam Mon 17-Nov-14 12:17:55

You will be fine.

Sexuality is a spectrum, and there are plenty of people who have gone from one part of the spectrum to the other, at all sorts of different ages.

If you click with someone, they will understand that you are inexperienced.

It is perfectly ok to want to be with a woman.

SeasonsEatings Mon 17-Nov-14 12:29:52

First drop the term "queer"!!

Have you any male friends? If so get out with them. If not get to gay bars with a hetro friend and chat, Gay venues are very very friendly, hopefully you will get a group of Gay friends in no time.

I have had a couple of flings with women, I met both while out in gay clubs with male gay friends. Both women made the first move and no issues/complaints with lack of experience.

makeitabetterplace Mon 17-Nov-14 13:11:56

You've got lots of sexual experience with a woman - yourself. I often wish my partner knew what it felt like to have breasts, clitoris etc as then he'd know how to touch them.

You will be fine and what an exciting time! Go out and get yourself a gal!

awkwardaardvark Mon 17-Nov-14 13:50:30

Sorry Seasons, its a term that a few gay / lesbian aquaintences prefer, though i know not everyone likes it.
Im very recently single and stuck living with ex-p (thankfully its ended on good terms and we are best friends) but im arranging some nights out to places i normally wouldnt go, meeting up with sone lesbian women im vaugely aquainted with, so im making moves to expand my social circle

makeit i never thought of it like that, you are right!

uglyswan Mon 17-Nov-14 14:12:34

OP, go for it! Don't worry about your lack of experience, I've been with first-timers before and it really doesn't matter. Echoing makeit's excellent point about having lots of sexual experience with yourself. If you're unsure of yourself, a bit of practice never hurts! Spend some time on yourself, make a mental note of what you do or don't enjoy. Try reading some lesbian erotica for ideas. And when you're with a new partner, no matter what gender, don't be afraid to take it slow and above all communicate! You can tell your partner what you like, ask them what they like, try stuff out together.

Btw, I personally identify as queer as I find it a broader and less binary alternative to LGBT. It's up to you what you want to call yourself.

FluffyMcnuffy Mon 17-Nov-14 20:19:55

YY to drop the "queer", some people like it but I'd personally find it offensive so best to err on the side of caution!

Good idea to broaden your horizons and starting to socialise more with gay acquaintances. It's surprisingly common for women to not realise they have feelings for other women until later in life, it shouldnt phase most lesbians so don't worry!

Lesbian sex is honestly not difficult and I can guarantee you will be fine when you decide to take the plunge.

What area are you from? Feel free to drop me a PM and I can try and help you out.

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