marriange tough with new baby?

[Monkeygirl28]

hi, posted before when I was ttc, things are hard now with new baby, really hard, already have dd 2.5 year old and 4 month old ds. just finished extension and stuff/washing/toys/mess/ everywhere, feeling so overwhelmed/unhappy/tired. marriage has been strained.unhappy for a while mainly on my part, tiredness not helping. just don't know whether I/m in love anymore with dh...is it normally this tough, can't remember what our relationship was like before, what I saw in him. he is a good dad and husband. just want to walk our the door most days and not come back. please any advice I'm just so lost at the moment

[Pollaidh]

Sounds like you've got a lot going on - could you have post natal depression do you think?

How early days is it with your baby? Remember the first 3 months are absolute hell and fairly relationship-destroying. It will get better, gradually. We've just hit the 1 yr mark with baby no. 2 and we're only now able to find time to connect with each other, date etc.

Went to a pre-marriage advice course which said you should aim to date your dh at least once a week ESPECIALLY when you've got children. Doesn't mean going out, but setting an evening where you eat together, talk, watch a film or something non child related.

Have you talked to your husband about this? In my experience talking always helps reconnect, but it sounds to me like there's a lot of tiredness and stress and you should speak to your GP / midwife too.

[Monkeygirl28]

thanks for your message, yes it could be....some days im fine, others not so, its very up and down at the moment, 4 months in with little one but the other one is not sleeping, so its pretty much constant. I think we need time with each other to reconnect, but its difficult to find the time as im sure you know.
I think i'll visit my gp and mention it, I do seem to get out of bed/function so I wasn't sure if I was just a bit down...Its been pretty stressful and I'm holding on to xmas for things to settle down and see how 2015 goes.

thanks for your help

[Rodion]

Kids that age test the strongest of relationships. I would recommend not reading too much into your feelings while you are so exhausted and run-down. It will get better, you just need to hang on tight to each other while it's rough.

I have similar aged little ones and am just coming to the end of a patch of us both being so burned out that it was straining our relationship. We made a big effort to eat dinner and clean up before the toddler went to bed. Then us and baby go upstairs and hang out watching tv, chatting etc from 8pm, rather than doing different jobs and not connecting. We had the baby with us too but it was still nice. Obv date night would be best, but when the heck does anyone get the chance!

Maybe you could watch a movie you saw when dating, or something similar to help you both remember the early days.