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Mother abusing alcohol

(5 Posts)
ohcluttergotme Sun 16-Nov-14 13:03:59

I'm 36 and my mum is 57.
I'm so worried about her drinking but unsure what to do.
My Granda, my mums dad was an alcoholic and I can see my mum following the pattern that her dad took.

My mum works 4 days a week so in her mind there is no problem as she works.
She recently dropped from 5 days and now has a Thursday off, so now she drinks even more on a Wednesday night and Thursday day.
She drinks every day after work and starts in the morning Thursday, Saturday and Sunday and any days she takes of work.

At every single family event she arrives already had a drink and drinking on top of having drunk the night before. At every thing now she falls a few hours into the evening.

She went down to England for her sisters Ruby Wedding party last month and fell on her head knocking herself unconscious. She still drank the next day.
She had a huge egg on her head and finally went to get it checked out and was told she had a haematoma which is now bleeding daily but she says this is fine as healing.

She had breast cancer several years ago and used to smoke at the oncology unit waiting for her radiotherapy.

I had a baby shower in may when I was 8 months pregnant and my mum arrived late, drank a 70cl bottle of vodka in 3 hours then fell straight onto the back of her head leaving my house. I felt terrible as knew she was going to do it and asked her to wait til my husband would help her down my path and my friend and husband were going to take her room. She refused to wait and went to take my arm to steady herself and I had to let her go on her own as knew she would fall and would take me down with her. It was so horrible to see her fall straight back, there was no attempt to stop herself.
I can imagine it was the same when she fell at her sisters party.

I've tried to talk to her so so many times and she gets really defensive and angry and will phone really upset the next day when she falls.

I really don't know what to do.
I feel desperately sad for her, she is unrecognisable as the lovely woman she was 15-20 years ago. My biological dad committed suicide 12 years ago and my Gran died of a heart attack caused my Granda's alcoholism 14 years ago and feel both of these events have accelerated her drinking.

I feel at a loss and feel I can only keep watching her slowly and surely destroy herself.

Wondering what people would do in this situation ?
I love her so much and it's tearing me apart. I like speaking when she's at work as she's sober and sounds like the mum I love.

Thank you

juneau Sun 16-Nov-14 13:08:46

Have you called Al-Anon? Its a charity that supports the families of alcoholics and gives advice and help.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 16-Nov-14 13:14:44

I would also suggest you talk to Al-anon and attend their meetings. You will find many people just like you there.

You can only help your own self, you cannot help your mother and besides which she does not want your help. You need to completely detach. Alcoholism can sometimes be learnt and it was no real surprise to read that her own father was himself an alcoholic. Denial is also a powerful force in alcoholics and the fact that your mother does not think she has a problem because she works is really denial.

The 3cs re alcoholism are ones you would do well to remember:-
You did not cause it
You cannot control it
You cannot cure it

Somethingtodo Sun 16-Nov-14 13:46:02

Really sorry that you are experiencing this. I have this in my own family. The advice above is spot on.

Al Anon will help YOU to stay strong, focused and cope -- and that is the very best thing that you can do for your Mum.

You dont need to completely detach physically - but you need to practice detached love emotionally.

It is really important that you do not shield her from reaching her own rock bottom - as it is at this point where she is most likely to find motivation to change her ways. If she soils herself, vomits or sleeps in her hall -- you need to leave her there - she needs to wake up sober to that....not wake up in a clean warm bed assuming she got there herself.

you should not make any compromises or enable support her lifestyle in any way.

ohcluttergotme Mon 17-Nov-14 09:34:19

Thanks for comments. Will check out al anon.

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