Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

DH made a confession - do men/women really go to these lengths to as out someone they fancy?

(178 Posts)
RainbowDash123 Sun 16-Nov-14 10:21:45

Yesterday evening my husband out the the blue landed a bomb on me due to his guilt. Now I'm not sure if I can believe his version of events as to me this doesn't sound normal.

So 2 weeks ish ago DH got a weeks free trial at a huge gym. I used to be a member there myself.

He said that on the first day he went there after his work out, him and his friend stayed for a drink at the juice bar on the way out of the gym. (I know they serve free drinks and it does get packed out) he said he was sat with his mate then his mate recognised someone he knew so went and sat at another table for 5 mins. Other people started joining him at his table.

This woman joined him and started making convocation and introduced herself and he told her his name.

A couple of days later he saw her again and they briefly spoke, and the next time he saw her they just smiled and waved at one another.

He free trial was then up and he never went back.

Last week he went out Xmas shopping, the shopping centre he was at was a couple of mins from the gym. Before heading home he had a quick ciggie and checked his phone. There was a text from "gym girl" saying she hadn't seen him lately. Anyway long story short after texting a couple of times she asked him to meet her in the pub round the corner (as it was a coincidence they were so close)

According to him nothing happened, it was a quick drink. She asked if he was single and he said he was happily married and wasn't quite sure what he was doing here with her. So he said sorry and left.

Now he has said he didn't find her attractive and she was about 8-10years younger than me. But they did have quite a bit in common.

Now here's the bit I can't get my head round, he never gave her his number. He had to sign into the gym every time so say a form left on reception that all non members sign and he had to put his number on. He swears this is how she got it.

My heads in a bit of a pickle at the mo as this is so strange. And apperntly gym girl now won't stop texting him.

So, do people really go to these lengths to hunt down people they like?

I'd love to hear your stories as this is kinda serial and I've never had anything like this happen to me.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sun 16-Nov-14 10:26:28

Well yes I suppose they can do, it's pretty awful that she was able to get his number from the gym though, if I were your dh I would be kicking up a fuss about that. However if I were your dh I wouldn't have met her for a drink! What was he thinking?
I assume he told you this spontaneously, ie you didn't find something out and confront him? If he told you without any reason to do so i would tent towards believing him I think. But he needs a bloody good explanation of why he went to meet her rather than wondering what the fuck she was doing with his number and blocking her.

Pancakeflipper Sun 16-Nov-14 10:28:41

Could she have got the number from his mate?

SmashleyHop Sun 16-Nov-14 10:29:57

I thinks it's weird he went to met her. If I got a random text off a guy I'd met briefly only a handful of times asking to meet, I would just tell him "I'm sorry I'm married." Job done. Serious talks need to be had.

InfinitySeven Sun 16-Nov-14 10:31:21

My gym does just have people's numbers listed when you enter. It would be quite possible to go and get someone's mobile number from it..
But it's also possible that she got it from his friend, right? Or him. And your bigger problem isn't whether that's likely, it's why you don't believe that your husband didn't give his number.

And why he went for a drink with her. Even if nothing happened, it did send mixed messages. How many happily married people go for drinks with flirty strangers?

overslept Sun 16-Nov-14 10:38:14

She is probably employed to by the gym to act interested in men on free trials until they become paying members grin

Fairylea Sun 16-Nov-14 10:39:04

The fact he went to meet her is totally off. I would be livid about that.

He needs to block her number. However she got it she needs stopping. Ring his network provider.

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 16-Nov-14 10:41:28

IMO, he lost the moral high ground when he met her for a drink. And she is still texting? Have you seen the texts? Why hasn't he blocked her?

Odd. Just odd.

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 16-Nov-14 10:42:56

Would his friend give out his number to some woman, knowing (as his friend obviously must) that he is happily married?? hmm

DollyDreamboat Sun 16-Nov-14 10:44:16

No, it's off. Why did he go and meet her? You don't go and meet some random for a drink when you're married.

tywysogesgymraeg Sun 16-Nov-14 10:45:25

Tell him to block her number. Job done.

Preciousbane Sun 16-Nov-14 10:45:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly Sun 16-Nov-14 10:47:17

He said sorry and left? hmm Sounds most unlikely, he could have (and should have) said that in a text.

AuntieStella Sun 16-Nov-14 10:48:22

She texted him just when he was near the gym?

Massive coincidence, isn't it?

The obvious way she got his number is that he gave it to her. That they have been texting and meeting. That they are doing so local to you and may have been seen.

RainbowDash123 Sun 16-Nov-14 10:50:09

My DH isn't great at reading signals where women are concerned. He thinks they want to be his friend. This has lead to a few issues in work now 3 times. So this is the 4th. So we have had to have a boundary talk and he has said in future he can't be friends with women as it just doesn't work. He's not fantastic looking or anything, he's just a nice nieve person I think.

I had no idea, he admitted this off his own back.

I came to the same conclusion either he or his mate gave her the number but he said he wouldn't of done that. And the mate was there with him but they we doing there own thing so she wouldn't of known he was with him IYSWIM.

So he wouldn't give out his number but he jumped at the chance to meet her. He's not given me a great answer to that. He didn't think, agreed, then when he told her he was happily married realisation hit and he thought what the hell am I doing here.

She was texting him on his work phone, he uses it quite often as its a old phone and the battery is good. He's left it on his desk at work and is going to bring it home tomorrow to show me the proof.

The thing is, I want to believe him. As far as I'm aware he's not lied to me before BUT how am I ever gonna know what the truth is and where that truth ends.

Tobyjugg Sun 16-Nov-14 10:53:35

I agree how she got his number is a good question, but I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt (but I'm a bloke). I suspect he's been shitting himself in case you found these texts and thought he had an OW. And if she is an OW then why confess why not keep his mouth shut (unless - and only you can say this - he's a truly devious bastard and playing a double bluff)?

ChippingInAutumnLover Sun 16-Nov-14 10:54:15

Actually, I can see myself in your DH's position. And Gym Girl's too...until the point where he told her he was married, she should have let it drop. No harm done as long as he makes it clear he doesn't want to hear from her anymore as friendship clearly isn't what she's after.

Tobyjugg Sun 16-Nov-14 10:54:23

Oh yes. Make him change his number/get a new phone.

Littlefish Sun 16-Nov-14 10:56:29

Would he write his work phone number down on the list at the gym? I would have thought he would be more likely to write his personal number down.

Vivacia Sun 16-Nov-14 10:57:21

So, do people really go to these lengths to hunt down people they like?

Yes, I suppose they do. I think it's far more likely behaviour when you've had some encouragement though.

But, do spouses generally behave as your husband has??

DollyDreamboat Sun 16-Nov-14 10:58:45

This is sounding more and more suspicious to me tbh. Why does she have his work number? Because that's the phone that you don't look at and is on his desk at work out of harm's way? Hmmm.

ChippingInAutumnLover Sun 16-Nov-14 10:58:56

You know, there was a time when a nice bloke and a nice woman could just be friends, some of us still manage that without shagging them just because they're male?! I don't think your DH did anything wrong, and when he finally realised she was flirting, not being friendly, he left and he's told you about it. He's nice, he's a bit naive, a bit slow to pick up on the flirting...it's not a shooting offence.

DollyDreamboat Sun 16-Nov-14 11:03:21

I have loads of male friends, but if some random bloke sent me a text asking me to meet him in a pub, and my oh had never even heard of him before, he'd be suspicious- wouldn't you?

simontowers2 Sun 16-Nov-14 11:04:02

Something very fishy about this.

RonaldMcFartNuggets Sun 16-Nov-14 11:05:46

She asked if he was single and he said he was happily married and wasn't quite sure what he was doing here with her. So he said sorry and left.

I highly doubt this bit.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now