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New relationship - but he may be gay?

(31 Posts)
missannab77 Sun 16-Nov-14 00:28:00

Ladies of mumsnet - I need your advice!

I've been talking to a guy for the last 6 or so months after we met online. We meet up around once a month for a date, and we chat on text every day. We planned a weekend away in a couple of weeks (first time sleeping together)
He's younger than me - his early twenties to my mid thirties, but I am recently out of a 12 year relationship, so we're taking it slow.

But he's just dropped a huge bombshell. He says he has spent the last week texting a guy he just met online who is offering to give him oral sex, and he is curious about it. The more we chatted, the more I realised that he's really considering this proposition.

It's not even the fact that there is someone else he has been talking to, we agreed to be casual. Rather it's the fact it's another guy. I just can't get my head around it. He keeps insisting he is 100% straight, but curious which is why he wants to do it.

I'm totally confused about what to think, do and say to him......

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Sun 16-Nov-14 00:29:11


missannab77 Sun 16-Nov-14 00:32:17


AnotherEmma Sun 16-Nov-14 00:32:24

PP: why?

Custardo Sun 16-Nov-14 00:34:44

Why do you need to ask. He's a snobbery of the highest order. Fuck him off back to fuckville.

Custardo Sun 16-Nov-14 00:35:11

Knobber not snobbery.

losthermind Sun 16-Nov-14 00:36:42

"Error I really like you but I may want another geezer to suck me off" hmm
Are you that desperate to pursue such a farce????

NeedABumChangeNotANameChange Sun 16-Nov-14 00:38:46

I think if you agreed to be casual then he can get head from whoever he wants- man, woman or Louis Walsh. It nice that he is being honest with you though I guess.

Make sure you use condoms or both get check ups before this weekend away!

Riverland Sun 16-Nov-14 00:44:59

I dont think it is a "huge bombshell"? You meet once a month and haven't slept're casual friends, is all. He's friends with and considering sex and/or a relationship with a woman ten years older than him, and he's friends and considering sex etc with another man.
He's young and considering options.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Sun 16-Nov-14 00:48:45

Well he's clearly not 100% straight if he's up for a blowjob from a bloke... If dating a bisexual isn't your thing, block him. It's not that hard, is it?

LadyLuck10 Sun 16-Nov-14 00:48:47

You're confused?confused Your standards must be very low if you are unsure what to do? He wants to pursue sex with other people and you don't know what to do?

FiftyShadesofScreeeeeeeam Sun 16-Nov-14 00:51:03

Heeeeeeee's GAAAAAAAAAY.

Dirtybadger Sun 16-Nov-14 00:58:37

Do you have reason to believe he isn't into you? If so, ditch. If not, it doesn't really matter how he identifies, really, and his consistent his identity is with his desires or behaviour.

That would apply to anyone, though, don't see someone of they're not into you.

I am a bit skeptical about why he told you, though. I would be happy to admit seeing other people of asked by someone but I'm not sure I'd want to disclose too much detail. Seems a little bit off/rude...why does he think you'd even care?

Viviennemary Sun 16-Nov-14 00:59:30

Just remain friends and don't have a sexual relationship if he can't decide whether or not he is gay.

jabestar Sun 16-Nov-14 01:00:05

He's bi or gay, or maybe he doesn't know. Ask any straight man what he thinks. There's your answer.

Dirtybadger Sun 16-Nov-14 01:01:17

Bloomin auto correct. How consistent*, someone if*, people if*

missannab77 Sun 16-Nov-14 01:09:15

Thank you for the replies. Different points of view are always helpful and do help give me some perspective.
No, I'm not desperate or have low standards, thanks very much. I just met someone who I liked and who I was attracted to. What he told me tonight just threw me for a loop and I'm trying to work through what it means.

I think he is still into me and I really think he told me because he wanted to have that conversation with someone, to validate/reassure himself that he isn't gay.

I've logged off from talking to him tonight, to give myself some time to think.

chocolatespiders Sun 16-Nov-14 01:12:40

He wants everyone on tap and is testing your reaction.
get rid life is short enough without wasting it.

ChippingInAutumnLover Sun 16-Nov-14 01:15:57

Each to their own.

But I'd be giving him a wide berth.

You are not long out of a long term relationship, he's a lot younger than you, he's wanting sexual adventures with other men...

It's not going to be pretty OP.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Sun 16-Nov-14 01:20:47

It's really not your job to validate anyone's belief that they may or may not be gay. <- madness. Right there.

CrazyOldBagLady Sun 16-Nov-14 01:56:52

He's in his early twenties and finding out about what his sexual interests are. See him for what he is and please dont go falling in love with him!

Tobyjugg Sun 16-Nov-14 02:02:52

I'm at a loss to understand why he felt the need to tell you. Perhaps he felt it showed he was being open and honest and concealing nothing.

Isetan Sun 16-Nov-14 06:53:21

Maybe he sees you as a surrogate mother/ older sister figure who he can tell this sort of stuff to, maybe he's just exploring his sexuality or maybe he's being totally upfront about where he's heads at.

He's told you in advance and as shocking as his revelation was, its better to know now than after the (f)act.

What you have here is a friendship that may or may not end In sex. You may be thinking exclusivity in the future but right now he isn't, you and this boy simply want different things.

If your not up for casual sex with a person who's still exploring their sexuality then don't sleep with them and don't hang around waiting for them to decide either.

CaptainAnkles Sun 16-Nov-14 07:00:21

Where did he meet him online? Because if he's on one of those hook up apps like tinder or grinder or whatever they're called, then he's obviously still on the lookout anyway. Let this one go, I think.

flipflapsflop Sun 16-Nov-14 07:12:36

He's making sure, ahead of your first sleeping together date, that he can do whatever he likes within your future potential relationship, building in the "well you knew what I was like" defence nice and early.

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