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why would I react like this? Knocked me for six.

(6 Posts)
Ellexx Sat 15-Nov-14 23:28:37

Feel all stressed and upset and I'm actually shocked I have reacted this way!!!!

My best friend was in a bar this afternoon and my ex boyfriend (we broke up over a year ago) came up to her on his own, tapped her on her shoulder and asked if she was with her boyfriend (we used to go out in a four together) she said she wasn't and then he asked how I was! He then had said to her he had text me a few months ago but I had ignored him. My friend then asked who he was there with, and he sheepishly said he was with his new girlfriend. I don't know why but it's completely shaken me up!!!! My friend never saw his new girlfriend so I assume she was at the bathroom at this point. My friend then ended the conversation and said it was nice to see him and turned her back on him! She said she felt upset for me and it was just a reaction to his comment.

I'm really shocked at myself it's upset me so much! I had a little cry to my mum about it. I have been looking forward to going to thailand tomorrow all week and now I feel like it's put a massive downer on it! Can't get my head why it's bothered me so much!

Quick history: painful breakup, he ended it completely out the blue to try and get his ex gf back. Days before he ended it with me he said he had ''met his wife' bought me an engraved padlock with our names on, we were arranging holidays the day before, so it hit me pretty hard! His ex gf never took him back but he did get with me quite soon after the breakup. He's tried to contact me several times including texts and followed me on Twitter 3 months ago but I ignored.

Anyone else ever felt this way? I thought I was over him but it's completely knocked me for six! I hate the fact he feels he can just walk up to my best friend like he had done nothing wrong and I hate the fact he's 100% over me (I know that's ridiculous)

Need cheering up QuickTime before my holiday tomo!!!!

SelfLoathing Sat 15-Nov-14 23:38:14

Your reaction sounds perfectly normal to me. It's pretty common to want an ex you loved and cared about who dumped you to want to be in sack cloth and ashes, wailing and crying FOREVER about how it was the biggest mistake of his life. What's that line? "If you said can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?"

So generally its a normal reaction anyway.

Add to that the shock of receiving it. It's just totally out of the blue. It's not like you'd had any lead in - like maybe hearing rumours he'd been seen out with someone, or seeing him with a girl - or something to prepare you for the idea. It's a load of new information just dropped from a height.

Then on top of all that, it sounds like your break up was pretty nasty and pretty brutal. That is quite a shock in itself the way you describe it. Don't under estimate the effect something like that can have you. It can be a bit like post-traumatic stress (not minimising PTSD here btw) but a sudden unexpected termination of a relationship where someone leaves you for someone else, totally out of the blue, is a shocking thing. It's massive damage to your ego. It's massively likely to cause you to doubt your own judgment.

It's devastating because it is a big deal emotionally. If you didn't properly process all of that at the time, this news is probably just a trigger re-activating the emotional trauma you felt at the time.

But the GOOD news is that you have a fabulous holiday planned which will distract you, new experiences to come, new people to meet and not a snowball's chance in hell of having to hear about him or see him on the other side of the world.

Pastmyduedate0208 Sat 15-Nov-14 23:40:30

You're shocked by the sudden intrusion into your life via your friend, and it's normal to feel a 'pang' when you find an ex has a new dp.
I think you will get over it in a couple if days this is a very fleeting and normal raction.

You were doing well to ignore him. Carry on!

Have a great time in Thailand.

overslept Sat 15-Nov-14 23:43:52

I'm still on alright terms with ex, I cba to be angry, we still chat online on rare occasions as we do get on. Nothing nasty break up wise we just were different people and he had no time for me etc.

He called my gran after my grandad became severely ill last month, and for the life of me I cannot understand why I felt such rage. I may have been looking for somebody to blame but honest, I wanted to hurt him. I felt so angry he would contact MY family, we separated over a year ago so no reason for him to contact them now. I felt like he was interfering with my life, over stepping the mark, touching on something he should have left well alone. I'm calmer about it now but still not happy. More so the fact he lives the other side of the country to my gran so wasn't exactly offering support.

Perhaps him being there, talking to your friend, asking after you etc is what touched a nerve, not so much that he is seeing somebody else.

Don't let him ruin your holiday though, I haven't been on one this year and would love to get away (soon hopefully!) and if you DARE not enjoy it I will have to give you a stern talking to grin.

Ellexx Sat 15-Nov-14 23:46:35

Thank you so much for your reply smile im sat in my room trying to pack and I just feel really sick and emotionally drained!

It took a lot for me to trust him as I had previously been cheated on and I had said from the start of the relationship i wanted him to be 100% sure he was over his ex as I didn't want to face getting hurt again, and he 'convinced' me he was completely genuine. I had known him as a child so i think I thought he would be more trustworthy. So it felt like a massive betrayal! Don't think he did it intentionally but not sure what idiot would give someone an engraved lock 2 days before ending the relationship!

My friend said it was extremely awkward! Sounds stupid but I hope it's impacted on him a little bit (I know it won't have bothered him though eughhhhh)

Not sure why he decided to go over to her tbh, sure he should be focused more on this 'new' gf of his! (I am so bitter woooops!!!!)

Ellexx Sat 15-Nov-14 23:49:49

Overslept: yeahhh your right it has hit a nerve like you and I do think it's just going out of his way to get some involvement in my life that is completely unnecessary! Like he could have just walked past, said hi and kept walking! Why did he have to ask about me, especially when I have ignored him past year he's tried to contact me!

Feel better it's a normal reaction though so thank you for making me feel better!

My other friend was like ' I don't think you're over him' and it baffled me as I thought i was! So now im like ' wow am I over him???!'

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