I've known for years that the father of my (youngest) children is emotional abusive. He is an angry man, threatening, miserable, he's like a black hole sucking the happiness from any situation, he has no sense of humour, he is unpleasant to my older children, they can't stand him. He openly says that he dislikes them. He seems to hate me, he is verbally abusive. He's a liar, he drinks every night until the small hours. You get the picture.
He makes me miserable. I've dreamt of being free from him. I've decided over and over in my head that I'm telling him to leave, that enough is enough. Every morning when I've woken up and come downstairs to find him sleeping on the sofa like a stinking slug I've told myself that I hate him.
And now, after wanting it for so long, I've done it. Two weeks ago we argued, not like we usually do, with him making threats and me going up to be to avoid him, but via text, he didn't come home one night and I text him at 5am asking where he was, he replied saying 'why do you care' so I told him that I didn't so he might as well get his stuff out of the house and stay away. So he did, by the time I got home later in the evening most of his things were gone.
Since then he has seen the DC most days, he works nights so has been come to do the morning school run. He's been polite but not pleasant, civil, etc. We haven't talked about any of it and he is staying with his parents. Although he hasn't told them why, they assume it's because he's on nights and needs to sleep. I only know this as his mother has mentioned it when coming to pick the DC up.
I should be over the moon, I'm nod upset at all, I haven't been moping around. I don't think I love him but it's me that's saying stupid things when he's text to see how the DC are, I suggested going for lunch at the weekend - he replied that I was fucked up after asking after telling him to leave. I've asked how he is and whether he's managing to sleep ok - he's replied telling me to stop pretending that I care. We exchange texts about the DC but nothing relevant to our situation. If I've mentioned that they need something then the money is in my account a few hours later. It's confusing me and I don't know why. This is exactly what I wanted. I should be jumping for joy, but in my head I actually believe the story that he's staying with his parents for work reasons, I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.
What's wrong with me? Why do I know that if he wanted to talk about it, that I would be talking about compromises, about living separately but staying a couple, making excuses and giving chances, minimising the things he does - he treats me like dirt! I don't understand my mindset.
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Confused, why aren't I taking the chance to escape now I have it?
14 replies
WinterGloves · 15/11/2014 14:11
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