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hypothetically, if a new PD did this...?

(52 Posts)
rosdearg Sat 15-Nov-14 07:46:21

ok maybe not DP as you don't live together. But spend every weekend together.

He goes on your PC at home a lot, you ask him not to illegally download. He understands and agrees.

then you realise your PC is running an illegal filesharing programme and downloading something he needs (for work).

You ask him about it. He says "I couldn't ask you becuase I needed it and I knew you would say no, so I had to do it."

What do you think?

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Sat 15-Nov-14 07:47:43

I'd be very cross. I would password my PC and he wouldn't get on it again.

If he needs it for work, then work should have paid for a legit / legal copy/download.

Fabulassie Sat 15-Nov-14 07:48:28

I would think that he was a Twat with no respect for my wishes or things.

HermanSkank Sat 15-Nov-14 07:49:50

I'd be grateful for the clear and unequivocal message that this man did not respect me or give a shit for my opinion, and I'd ask him to leave.

Bullet dodged.

PetulaGordino Sat 15-Nov-14 07:50:32

Not on, you set a boundary and he knowingly breached.

Finola1step Sat 15-Nov-14 07:50:39

He sounds like a child. "I know you said no, but I really, really, really needed to".

KouignAmann Sat 15-Nov-14 07:51:49

Red flag! I know a man who says it is easier to ask forgiveness of his DW than to ask permission. I would be so angry at his lack of respect I would spell it out in words of one syllable and dump him unless he grovelled his way back into my good books. This is trampling on your boundaries and not acceptable.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Sat 15-Nov-14 07:52:38

Kouign - my ex-husband says that "It is easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission" !

antarctic Sat 15-Nov-14 07:54:30

I would be furious

CatKisser Sat 15-Nov-14 07:55:27

No. Just no. I'd be seriously pissed off. When you say "no" it means nothing to this man.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 15-Nov-14 07:58:44

He would be an ex-DP in 0 minutes flat, is what. How dare he? And what else might he do next because he perceives that his need to do it is greater than your right to object? Drive your car? Take out a loan in your name? Where does that kind of dishonesty end?

And what would he have done if he didn't have your PC to carry out illegal operations on? Hopefully he'd do it on HIS OWN equipment and not risk other people getting into trouble on his behalf. angry

The bottom line is, this person is not good partner material.

wannabestressfree Sat 15-Nov-14 08:02:29

Judging by your other thread this is the least of your problems! I thought you lived with him full time?

Vivacia Sat 15-Nov-14 08:05:57


Squeegle Sat 15-Nov-14 08:19:35

Absolutely not on. If someone did that to me they wouldn't be using my laptop again. He can do it on his own one.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Sat 15-Nov-14 08:27:39

"Fuck off twat" is a complete sentence. He's also exposing you to trojans, viruses and God knows what if he's downloading cracked commercial software.

Castlemilk Sat 15-Nov-14 10:36:37

I'd take it as read that he had no respect for me, absolutely none whatsoever. And I'd end the relationship now rather than look back after five, ten, fifteen, twenty years of being ignored/not listened to/manipulated/disrespected and wish I'd ended it at that point.

How fucking DARE he.

It's your home, your laptop, your stuff.

But that doesn't matter, because you're only you. He's more important when it comes down to it, isn't it? You may have said no, but come on, you're only the wee girlie, aren't you? He needs it for work.

Do yourself one big favour and get rid of this pushy disrespectful twat. Before you end up hearing 'I know I shouldn't have cheated, but I was drunk...'

Castlemilk Sat 15-Nov-14 10:42:49

Oh, and you know how people say 'When someone shows you who they are, believe them'?

This is a PRIME example of that. Something that seems like one individual 'quirky' situation, something that can be apologised for and forgotten about... but it actually gives you one massive, massive insight into the kind of person they are.

He is disrespectful, dishonest and sees you, already, as less important than him, someone he's quite happy to lie to to get his own way.

If you have any sense, you will see this as the huge red flag it is and get shot.

Meerka Sat 15-Nov-14 10:49:58

if he does it with filesharing, I bet you he'll do it with other things.

Could you trust him again?

SelfLoathing Sat 15-Nov-14 11:35:55

Dump him.

It's no different from coming home and finding him drug dealing out of your house. It's illegal and has consequences for you if he is doing it in your home using your account

Here's a warning of what may happen to you:

A friend of mine ended up spending a lot of money and a few trips to court because her au pair had been using an illegal file sharing site and downloading stuff. The copyright owners of the files she downloaded (think it was music but could have been games) applied to court to get the details of my friend's broadband account from BT. Once they'd got her name and address, they sued her for copyright. She spend £000 on lawyers and it wasn't simple to get rid of by just saying "not me, my au pair" because it was her account. The whole thing was awful for her and really stressful.

Apparently, the owners of stuff illegally shared on file sharing sites now do this in bulk - fish for the addresses of users, issue proceedings and collect cheques. It doesn't matter how much file sharing you have done; it's just a process. But my friends experience shows that if there has been illegal activity on your account, it's really hard to get out of it even if it wasn't you.

lemisscared Sat 15-Nov-14 11:48:53

I know i didn't ask you if you'd mind if i had a one night stand becuase i knew you'd say no, so i did it anway.....................

Lweji Sat 15-Nov-14 11:50:58

Dump him.

He has no respect for you or your belongings.

lalalonglegs Sat 15-Nov-14 11:57:33

I'd be very curious to know what job demands illegal downliading...

Lweji Sat 15-Nov-14 12:03:42

Doesn't he have his own computer?
Or a work computer?
But he chooses to do the illegal stuff in yours. Which is another reason I'd dump him.

dunfightin Sat 15-Nov-14 12:07:49

Sounds like you are dating an ex of mine grin He was great at making me feel petty when I objected to stuff like this. I was made to feel oh so hoity-toity when I explained that my professional reputation could be damaged but then he tried to knick some software off a laptop that was loaned from work and got shirty when it didn't work. No I didn't let him have it, he just picked up work laptop and started looking when I was out of the room.
Another question is what is he doing sitting on your computer when he comes round. Does he not have his own? If it's work, then he should get it from work/buy it himself if it's part of his business. Doesn't he think that if you are dating/seeing each other, the whole idea is to spend time with one another.
Details don't matter, he has no boundaries as regards you and is softening you up to see how far he can go. Shut the door in his face and breathe. Then find someone better to spend your time with.

tipsytrifle Sat 15-Nov-14 12:53:01

I find it hard to believe that something he needed for work had to be acquired illegally. I find it very believable that what he wanted was better downloaded on someone else's line and PC rather than his own.

I would recommend reformatting the PC and this idiot pays for it. The risk on your phone line is embedded and unmoveable. I'd also let him go.

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