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Trivial - but do you miss chatting to your ex-H, and how do you deal with that?

(10 Posts)
JeanneDeMontbaston Fri 14-Nov-14 23:47:52

I'm separated from my ex, and it's all very polite, but I'm wondering if other people just miss the social interaction and, if so, how you deal with that?

I really miss just chatting to my ex, and snuggling up to watch something and be companionable. It was having someone on my wavelength, who was there for me, and who'd be there in the lonely times when I'd wound down from work (like now!). I'm fairly sure the split was the right thing, and I don't think it means I regret it. I just miss it.

I have lovely friends (though I'm in a new city so it has to be online chat), my brothers keep checking in on me, and I'm even sharing a house with a lovely woman who is wonderful company. But I do miss the chat.

Tell me it's not just me and how you get over it?

catrin Sat 15-Nov-14 00:16:32

I can only answer from my perspective... I did miss those things, but when I reflected after we split, when I was really honest with myself, those moments were not as perfect as I thought they were. And ultimately, I miss the idea of him, rather than actual him.
It does get easier, it really does. I find any chatter to be useful, as before, what I thought was chat was more me being in the same room as I person I spoke at. Music is good, I prefer the radio as it feels more conversational. Internet is good. Breaking routines and doing stuff that is not 'sitting' based is good, so sorting stuff, ironing while listening to Jo Whiley etc keep me busy but nicely so. It does get easier, I promise you. I positively resent intrusions into my evenings now!

JeanneDeMontbaston Sat 15-Nov-14 00:22:44

Thanks for replying!

That's really helpful - you may well be right I'm missing an idea. I do think I miss him as a person, but I'll try to keep in mind I might be idealizing a bit.

Thank you for the point about breaking routines. I've done that fine during the day - I moved a long way and got a new job, so my routine is quite different - but stupidly I had been reverting to the old habits in the evening.

Really appreciate the advice and will take it. smile

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Sat 15-Nov-14 00:25:08

No! But I do muss playing backgammon with him and usually winning.grin
Strangely, his dp told me a few weeks ago he was trying to teach her to play, but she hated it.

TheLyingOldBitchAndHerWardrobe Sat 15-Nov-14 00:28:25

Totally agree that it's the idea of him, not him.

You will find your own new routines soon. Honestly. And if in doubt you can always call any of your invisible internet friends, we'll give you the solid dick or a small hairstroke if needed x

JeanneDeMontbaston Sat 15-Nov-14 00:36:04

Aw ... I can relate to that, my. How odd.

thatlying - my internet friends are awesome. grin Sadly, I don't think I know anyone on the net who's equipped to give me the solid dick. That's what comes of being a terrible feminist.

But, we did have good things going on. And I am fairly sure that's true. I don't want to go back, but I also can't just tell myself there were no positives and I'm deluded to miss him.

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Sat 15-Nov-14 00:39:14

Sometimes it's just missing company that you could totally be yourself with, not him per se.

JeanneDeMontbaston Sat 15-Nov-14 00:42:19

That is exactly it. Thank you.

I do miss him as a person too. But yes, that's exactly it.

Lovingfreedom Sat 15-Nov-14 00:42:45

Get cats?

Rioux Sat 15-Nov-14 12:35:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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