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Advice on non-molestation order or something similar

(4 Posts)
elvispresleysquiff Fri 14-Nov-14 15:59:54

Hello everyone. I'm the father to my lovely three year old DC. This isn't relevant to my feelings on the situation but a bit of background is needed, DC was conceived after a v. brief fling...think as brief as you can get...I knew nothing of the mother apart from her first name and some very hazy recollections of that night!! Anyway, fastforward 1.5 years and she tracks me down with a DC who I could be the father too. Took 6 or so months of persuading, but managed to get her to agree to a paternity test and yes, turns out I am the father.

I cherish this role and do my best... sharing duties/responsibilities as much as I can, financial contribution on a monthly basis etc.

But, mother of DC is a little unusual and perhaps a bit mentally unstable?. She is a good mother with good family suppoert so this is not my concern. However, from almost the start she has been very difficult in the way that she contacts me and in her relationship with me. Constant calls, texts etc. sometimes all through the night, often about her rather than DC if you see what I mean. Sharing emotion which I am uncomfortable with. She is also sometimes verbally abusive.

I have tried to tell her that I would prefer to just have communications about DC and DC's welfare etc. and that these should be at decent times of the day etc. and that she shouldn't say certain things. But she stops for a while and then starts again.

Is there anything I can do? I find it stressful and upsetting to be honest. I've read here about non-molestation orders. So could I get one of these that says she should only contact me with regards to the DC etc.

Help very much appreciated. I'm starting to lose my sleep over this!

thatsnotmynamereally Fri 14-Nov-14 16:31:43

I think that non molestation orders are only for people in partner relationships so if you're not in a relationship with DC's mother this would not be appropriate. There is some information here about injunctons www.mumsnet.com/relationships/domestic-violence-and-the-law

I suspect what you are experiencing is more likely to be classed as harassment. If you log the communication, you can go into your local police station and discuss it with them, and let them advise. In order for someone to be charged with harassment they need to be warned first, and it needs to be clearly spelled out what she can and cannot contact you regarding. I'm not an expert, however, just had recent experience with harassment. Good luck, it seems best if you can keep the relationship on as good terms as possible for the sake of DC, but it is worrying that she may use contact as a way to control you.

PiperRose Sat 15-Nov-14 19:59:40

Hi. You can ask the Police for a Police Information Notice (more commonly know as a PIN). This is not a legal document, but it is served by uniformed officers in person, and it states that there has been a complaint of harassment and asks the person to make no contact by any means (in person, voice calls, texts, social media etc). If they then contact you, you inform the police and they will be arrested.

The problem you may have is that it forbids contact from them, but if you make contact with them it makes it void, so you may have problems communicating about your DC.

PiperRose Sat 15-Nov-14 20:01:59

Also, as in my experience, the police do not need permission to do this, if you have spoken to the police about abusive messages they may decide to serve a PIN under their duty of care to you.

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