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Shall I tell this woman that the man she is seeing has been seeing me since December?

(106 Posts)
OJLemonade Fri 14-Nov-14 12:06:42

Just realised I've been cheated on and wondering if I should tell her (via Facebook) that I exist, for her own sake but mostly if I'm honest as revenge (I've seen on her fb that she has been loved up since July - the man and I were on holidays for two weeks in August...)

I'm shell shocked... And v tempted... Would you?

OJLemonade Fri 14-Nov-14 12:16:52

By 'via fb', I mean messages, of course.

lordStrange Fri 14-Nov-14 12:17:27

Yes I would. So sorry this has happened to you.

Only1scoop Fri 14-Nov-14 12:18:08

Have you confronted the two timing wank badger about this yet?

TheLittleOneSaidRollOver Fri 14-Nov-14 12:18:48

Yes.

The sooner she knows he is a cheater, the sooner she can get on with her life, or choose to carry on any way. Sisterhood and all.

Never hide anyone else's shitty little secret.

Just make sure you do it in a way that makes you look dignified not vindictive. Think about how you will feel in a years time if a work colleague saw whatever you posted.

NewEraNewMindset Fri 14-Nov-14 12:19:55

Revenge against who though? Her? Him? Do you think she knows about you or is as in the dark as you were a few months ago?

I certainly would tell her but I wouldn't go in all guns blazing.

SelfLoathing Fri 14-Nov-14 12:20:18

If they are not married and there are no children involved, then I would vote yes.

It's just a dating situation and if he's been pretending to you and to her that you are exclusive, then I'd want to know. Early stages dating is about getting to know someone and a swift exit can be made without too much trauma.

You'd need to be pretty sure of your ground though. For all you know, he may have told the other one that they are not exclusive and he's seeing other people.

OJLemonade Fri 14-Nov-14 12:22:21

I have confronted him, he denied, now I have seen her fb and am waiting for an answer to my texts...

Thank you for the sympathy...

Revenge against him - poor girl has no clue and sees him as her soulmate...

Only1scoop Fri 14-Nov-14 12:23:49

Then he has probably already warned her a bitter ex is on the loose....

Yes I would tell her. Do not engage further with him though.

OJLemonade Fri 14-Nov-14 12:24:24

Thank you all... It will actually be quite hard to write...

Only1scoop Fri 14-Nov-14 12:25:25

Glad you have discovered the liar sooner rather than later....get checked out if you need to Op....

Good luck

NewEraNewMindset Fri 14-Nov-14 12:26:56

Warn her by all means but be prepared for her to believe him over her and for her to continue seeing him and continue to be loved up.

Personally I would keep the message factual and unemotional, perhaps include some irrefutable key information that he can't deny.

ExitPursuedByABear Fri 14-Nov-14 12:28:37

Can you post your holiday snaps on FB?

SelfLoathing Fri 14-Nov-14 12:29:08

Or a copy of his boarding pass.
Or your room booking.
Or a to scale drawing of his penis

OJLemonade Fri 14-Nov-14 12:38:03

I will have to get tested... How bloody horrible...

OJLemonade Fri 14-Nov-14 12:40:43

Yes i think I might include a picture of us in holidays in my message...

OJLemonade Fri 14-Nov-14 12:41:22

Thanks again everyone.

magoria Fri 14-Nov-14 13:19:19

Don't send the pics yet. Just say if he denies it you can provide proof of your holiday together.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 14-Nov-14 13:29:32

Definitely let her know.
It's horrible being the dark over a cheater.
I agree with PP.
Tell her and let her know if she wants proof that you have pics if she's interested.
Which of course she will be.
Try and be kind about it though.

pippinleaf Fri 14-Nov-14 13:43:03

I think you should tell her. My ex cheated on me for a long time and I since found out that his friend knew and was very angry with him about it. I really wish this friend had contacted me to say something as I was in the dark for the whole two years he cheated on me. I had my suspicions but nothing I could make stick.

Please do be kind to her though, she's not done anything wrong and her heart may be broken by your news. Be gentle and word it in a caring way.

ImperialBlether Fri 14-Nov-14 20:54:30

Tell her, but don't be vindictive towards her. She isn't the problem; she's a victim just as you are. Tell her to be kind to her.

If you send her photos, don't send anything explicit.

Fairenuff Fri 14-Nov-14 20:59:28

Tell her and let her know you have proof if she wants to see it.

Viviennemary Fri 14-Nov-14 21:04:17

Yes I might. But it really isn't her fault if she has no idea about you so no point in being nasty. Is it for her own good though. Hmm. Not sure about that one.

VanitasVanitatum Fri 14-Nov-14 21:05:40

I was in this situation and decided not to say, having asked mumsnet and got a 'no' majority.. I don't regret not telling her, I was never sure what he or she might do in revenge, or how I would feel afterwards. I feel a bit like I kept the moral high ground but I also felt bad that I didn't tell her I'm a way, because she thinks he's great.

VanitasVanitatum Fri 14-Nov-14 21:08:12

*in a way

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