I'll try to articulate this. I realise I am being somewhat of a muppet but I can't seem to get over it so would be grateful for advice.
My parents got divorced when I was 8. Now I am am adult, it seems bizarre they ever got married, my mum is several years older than my dad, but they did and they had me. Their divorce came as a massive shock as they hid every row from me and I had absolutely no idea anything was wrong. I saw my dad each weekend and both parents remarried quickly. I was never told why they were splitting, only that they no longer loved each other. As a teen I figured out that my dad had had an affair with an 18 year old, who is now his wife. My mum was obviously trying to protect me from thinking badly of my dad and so has never discussed this with me.
Looking back I don't think I coped very well with the divorce. I have almost no memories of life before the divorce - I was only 8 but don't remember any birthdays/Christmases etc as if I have blocked them out. I was a very angry teenager and drank too much and self-harmed but couldn't really articulate why.
It was having my own daughter that seems to have sparked a change and I feel furious with my dad for breaking up our family and for putting his new girlfriend before me, a kid. That sounds ridiculous when I'm a grown woman but that's how I feel. I cannot imagine not seeing my dd every day and putting someone else before her.
I don't know how I can resolve this really. It seems weird to raise it with my dad now over twenty years have gone by, and if I did he would only sulk and refuse to talk. I love my dad but I feel I am almost holding him at arms length right now so he cannot hurt me or my dd and I don't want to continue, I don't want to feel this way about him as he grows old. I'd be grateful for any advice on how to resolve these feelings.
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Struggling with my parents' divorce as an adult
7 replies
LikeSilver · 14/11/2014 11:12
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