Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How to keep the closeness in between seeing each other

(11 Posts)
Audrey32 Fri 14-Nov-14 10:39:53

I'm been seeing a lovely man for 3 months. We met online. The problem is, because of childcare and work, we can only see each other every other Saturday, plus a few hours one evening a week. I find this hard, but there's no way round it at the moment, and things are likely to continue like this for some time.

I find it's very hard to keep up the feeling of closeness in between seeing each other. When we're together, things feel close and intimate and we get on great. But when we're apart, things just feel 'flat' and distant.

I know this is a very minor problem and probably sounds silly, but I wonder how other couples who can't see each other as often as they like keep up that feeling of closeness? I thought things would improve as we got to know each other better, but if anything things are getting worse. I'm finding it upsetting to the point that in the last week or so I've started wondering if it's worth carrying on. So any ideas from other people who have dealt with a similar situation would be very much appreciated, thanks!

TolstoyAteMyHamster Fri 14-Nov-14 18:25:58

Well, it is hard. Am in a v similar position but we had a lot of back and forth on email before we met so we've carried that on. Plus a lot of texting - which is pretty intimate some times. I send him links to things I think he will be interested in and vice versa. And we are both reading the same book (deliberately) and running a sort of two person book club. But I agree it's hard. On the other hand, I love the sense of anticipation that builds up. It's going to take us ages to get bored of each other!

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep Fri 14-Nov-14 18:28:29

How often do you speak on the phone?

TeaForTara Fri 14-Nov-14 18:37:27

Do you speak every day? E.g. even just to say goodnight at the end of the day is good.

Would it be possible to use some annual leave to take a day off work and spend together, perhaps on the day you also have the evening, to make it a full-day-and-evening?

How much do you really know about him? Have you met his friends and/or family?

If it feels right when you're together, then it's worth trying to find ways to make it work, assuming that it would one day be possible to increase the amount of time together (e.g. by meeting each others' children eventually).

TeaForTara Fri 14-Nov-14 18:38:25

Or Skype instead of phoning.

Audrey32 Fri 14-Nov-14 19:12:48

Thanks so much for the replies.

Tolstoy, how often do you get to see your DP? I agree with you about the texting, and that's what I did in a similar relationship before, but my boyfriend (W) isn't really into intimate texting - his texts are lovely and friendly but more the sort of text you'd send to a friend. I sent him a link to something recently - but he didn't reply, which I found a bit hurtful. I think that's part of the problem - he hasn't responded to romantic texts or the link I sent, so I end up feeling hurt and don't really know what to do to improve the communication between us.

MyChild and TeaforTara, we speak on the phone once a week, occasionally twice. I love the idea of using annual leave to spend more time together, but every day of his annual leave has to be spent with his DC. I don't really know that much about him, I suppose - I haven't met his friends or family. Why do you ask? Yes, if we meet each other's DC things will be easier, but that won't be for a while yet, and at this rate we'll never get to the stage of being 'together'/serious enough to introduce the DC, iyswim.

knowledgeispower Fri 14-Nov-14 19:54:43

I'm in a similar position and got myself in a real tizz about it all last week!

That said I hadn't seen him in two weeks (we both had other commitments) until last weekend and the only other form of communication had been via email for a few hours in the evenings. Prior to that we had seen each other every weekend for weeks and a few day dates midweek. The emailing is pretty intimate to be honest. We are both good at expressing ourselves, have similar interests and like a pp have our own book club going on too!

I'll be interested to hear what others have to say as I do admit I find it difficult but my dating partner doesn't have dc so it is slightly easier to make plans at the last minuteel

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep Fri 14-Nov-14 20:01:07

I think the book club thing is so cute! I wish my bf liked reading. smile

Audrey32 Fri 14-Nov-14 20:49:47

Yes, the book club idea is lovely!

knowledge, when you got in a tizz about it, what happened? I'm in that sort of state now and just not sure what to do! I'm going backwards and forwards between thinking he's lovely and hopefully things will get easier, and thinking if it's making me sad there's not much point carrying on.

TolstoyAteMyHamster Fri 14-Nov-14 21:12:06

Audrey, it's maybe once to twice a week depending on when the dc are with me. But there's always a good night text which I love. Some of the electronic communication is pretty functional but a lot of it isn't. It is tricky but there's something lovely about the anticipation.

knowledgeispower Fri 14-Nov-14 21:54:12

After a bit of soul searching I realised that maybe my life isn't 'full' enough and that life as a single parent isn't easy! So I have started finding things to fill my head space apart from him as I was in danger of becoming a lovesick teenager!

I think having that time to reflect on myself and think about me and my life has helped take my mind of 'things'. I have only seen him once since this 'tizz' so time will tell. We have another date tomorrow afternoon/evening over to Sunday teatime.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: