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Does your other half let a teenager rule the roost !

(7 Posts)
whatisforteamum Fri 14-Nov-14 10:01:57

For years i have had problems getting the Dh to discipline the teens.I grew up in a strict household where Mum had rules and we had chores.Dad used to back her up .
With DH and i both working long hrs some help around the home wouldve been lovely but they only did what i asked as dh felt they shouldnt help.
This yr DD 17 left A levels as she struggled with the 1st yr.
I told her she wouldnt sit around all day while i work until 1130pm and she has helped with washing up and hanging washing.DH took her too bristol to get a coach to see her BF.This week as i was on hols i said i may go with him to collect her and make a day of it at the huge shopping complex there as i havent been that far in yrs.
last night he said she rang to see if he would get her at 5pm sun eve!! I am working sunday as he well knows and her apprenticeship was due to start mon 8am.
Transpires the owner of the nursery wont let her start until security checks are complete which could be weeks and DD is thinking of getting an xmas job instead!!
I feel sad and fed up that what DD wants goes and DH wont tell her anything or set boundaries or expectations so now i can see me working all hrs over xmas while they just chill.I love to work but i am at a loss as to how to handle this with DH enabling our lazy DD while we work our socks off!! He trips over himself to drop her places while our son never asks a nd he never offers despite me pointing out the unfairness.

whatisforteamum Fri 14-Nov-14 10:43:54

or does he back you up

bobbywash Fri 14-Nov-14 14:05:54

not sure from your post, how she is ruling the roost, seems to me he is being reasonable, however if there is more than you have stated and other examples then I may change my view.

I can't see if your working at christmas and they aren't why you think it would be OK for them to just chill, they will have all the daily household stuff to do too.

whatisforteamum Fri 14-Nov-14 14:24:26

i guess it is just because i think she should get up in the morning and pull her weight and at least have a job by now as she left school in june.I guess it is only fair that he lets freetime revolve around her as she is our daughter.I am sure my childhood was just a strict one.Although i dont want a lay about teen who i have to nag to help out for either of our sakes.our neighbours sons were always told off by the Dad while the Mum seemed less fussed.

Matildathecat Fri 14-Nov-14 16:48:58

Well how is her lifestyle being financed? Presumably by you and DH? So there's your answer for a start. Just say she has to earn her own money even if she doesn't contribute to the household financially yet. Of course she should be contributing with chores. Unfortunately at that age you do have to be very directional about which chores you want done and exactly how. As to when, well good luck with that one!

At seventeen she Weill probably be feeling as if she's on an expended holiday and as she has work in sight I dear say she feels 'entitled'. Well Entitled isn't a word I would be tolerating...

Not that sure how you get DH on board but as with all things parenting, I suggest you sit down together and agree a compromise in terms of what you expect and agree to stick to that plan.

One last point, if you want to go on a trip to Bristol, can't you arrange that anyway?

whatisforteamum Fri 14-Nov-14 18:06:05

matldacat i work unsociable hours but the main reason i cant get far is i get panicked by driving on motorways. so i can pop to work and that is about that.Guess i will have to learn to catch a train.Its not her fault Dh has decided to do his own thing.I do leave a list and have bought interview clothes and work clothes for her.My Dh wont discuss anything.Everything is called moaning or nagging!! I always wanted the teens to get weekend jobs but he just huffed and puffed saying they had school.I had 2 weekend jobs plus babysitting.
TBH i only give her spending money if she does something around the house i am just sick of him putting her before our son or myself.Thanks for the replies though i know i am moaning.

Fairenuff Fri 14-Nov-14 21:51:36

OP your problem is not with your dd, it's with you and your dh. You don't communicate properly -^ My Dh wont discuss anything.Everything is called moaning or nagging!!^

No wonder these problems have been going on for years. You and he are going round and round in circles without every coming to a resolution. Same old arguments, same old results.

Perhaps joint counselling could teach you how to talk to each other and how to listen?

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