DP leaving and "Taking the children"

[rosdearg]

Just need to start this thread to get this out because I am cold and crying and shaking.

He said on the landing "I looked at a flat last week and I am taking the children". He pushed me out of the door of the bedroom, onto the landing, and said that where they could hear me and started crying.

They cried and said "I don't want to go with Daddy"
I had to try to comfort them but I can't say we are staying together.

I don't know what to do. Drinking a cup of tea and shaking.

I need:
A solicitor
A hug

[ilovemonstersinc]

You need the police. Hes trying to take the kids and by the sound of it he sounds abusive.

[Blueskyfluffyclouds]

What a shitbag.
He will not be taking the children and I'm so so sorry you're gpingg through this.
Can you make him leave? Can you leave with the children?
You can get through this,come out the other side and be so much happier x

[lemisscared]

Call the police, please, now. He cannot just take your children. Don't let him.

[Awks]

You absolutely need the police if this doesn't calm down. You poor thing.

[RaisingMen]

Call the police and then take your children and leave. Can you stay with family?

[qazxc]

He has put his hands on you and is threatening to take your children? Phone the police.

[rosdearg]

I don't need the police. I don't want to disturb the children any more and I don't have anywhere else to go. He won't come out of that room again tonight.

I did report him doing it once before though. The police said they were going to come and interview him and I got shit scared and changed my story and then they threatened me with some kind of offence. I don't know if it still stands or not it got to the point where I told them anything to stop them coming round.

[Spellcheck]

Please don't worry. He's saying it to hurt you. Solicitor tomorrow; can you get any recommendations? Get all financial information, documentation, payslips, passports as soon as you can and photocopy them. Don't let him hide money. Please confide in a friend. I hope you will be ok tonight. Please keep posting on here xxx

[rosdearg]

OK I have no idea how to work out how to do any of this.
I think I might email my boss and say I can't work tomorrow. Take the kids to school and then get some space to start trying to think things out, maybe try to call solicitors or something

[OutsSelf]

Do you think he is serious about taking the children? Or is he salting your wound, as it were?

Pushing you? It sounds quite violent. Are you in danger?

Wish we could do better than e hugs, but have plenty of those, particularly for you.

[rosdearg]

Do MN do a Guide to Separation?
I wish they did... something that would make it seem banal and cosy and normal

[TheoreticalDudeOfFeminism]

Hi Ros - I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Is there anyone in RL who can support you over the next few days and weeks?

Tea sounds like a good start (assuming you are not in any immediate danger). Is he still around? I'd want him out of the house so I could have some space to think if I was you.

[OutsSelf]

Your plan sounds sensible.

Is there any reason why he has to stay until the new year?

[rosdearg]

Thank you Outs. So much.
He does not do more than push or shout and he has pushed this evening and won't again.
Yes he is absolutely serious. He is going to say I have mental health problems and am not a fit mother. He has threatened this before.

[carlsonrichards]

Yes, you do need the police. Now. This man is abusive.

[nochangewanted]

Ok a couple of things.. You do need to inform the police.. Whether you like it or not this is part of the protection of your children. If none of this stuff is on record he will stand in court and say he is a saint..

Ring 111, ring womens aid.

[HattyMonkey]

Your plan sounds good, school run then solicitor. Ask him to leave, if he refuses you take yourself and dcs to stay elsewhere either friends or family (regardless of distance)

[OutsSelf]

Well, courts have seen people go through very acrimonious break ups. They won't just blindly allow your children to be taken on the basis of his testimony.

What sort of childcare arrangements have you had until now? How old are the children?

[rosdearg]

He did not tell me he was looking to move until just now. I think he had decided to leave me and was just going to leave it to the NY to have a "nice" Christmas (me working my arse off to feed 11 people, his family). Of course I am not playing ball with that stupid plan.
It is so mean of him not to talk to me. I was utterly miserable and always thought there might be a way to get back on track... but I am literally not even allowed to finish a sentence.
Just now I asked if he was happy and he said he was fine.
I said I was not, and it very quickly escalated into me being physically ejected from the room and the line about moving in the NY. He lost his temper basically, and showed his hand before he meant to.

So... minutes before he revealed his actual plan. while I was trying to have a relationship conversation in good faith, he was telling me he was fine rather than tell me the truth....to make sure I do wifely duty over Christmas

[OutsSelf]

Is the house jointly mortgaged?

[OutsSelf]

I'm just wondering if the plan could be school.run, solicitor, police station, lock Smith.

[HattyMonkey]

My father threatened my Mum with the whole mental illness stuff and going for custody... outcome we never heard from him again, he never wanted us he only wanted control over my dm. We grew up happy,poor and very loved. Good luck

[rosdearg]

I don't think I can call the police can I, without them clumping round here and upsetting the children?
And I can't go away "however far". I have to work.

The children are 5 and 3. We have a childminder. P works much more locally and does more childcare in the mornings and evenings while I am commuting. He will attempt to parlay this into being some sort of resident parent type thing