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Waiting to confront dh about chat rooms

(50 Posts)
pantsjustpants Thu 13-Nov-14 17:52:46

Looking through the history on pc to find something dd had previously been looking at. Saw something I didn't recognise so had a closer look and it's a chat site. The history shows someone viewing profiles of women. Well it's not dd is it?!

Devastated doesn't come close. We've been together almost 10years, married for 5 and 2 dc's sad.

Vivacia Thu 13-Nov-14 17:56:26

When are you expecting to talk OP?

pantsjustpants Thu 13-Nov-14 17:59:25

Pretty soon, he'll be home in the next half hour or so depending on traffic.

26Point2Miles Thu 13-Nov-14 17:59:59

Which chat site?

Vivacia Thu 13-Nov-14 18:01:19

Do you know what you're going to say to him?

(When were they accessed?).

pantsjustpants Thu 13-Nov-14 18:02:15

Lycos. Never heard of it before today.

pantsjustpants Thu 13-Nov-14 18:04:29

Last time was Monday. He was home "ill" and I was at work.

I've no idea what I'm going to say, my instinct is to pack his bags to be honest. An over reaction maybe, but he knows how I feel about stuff like this. And secrecy and deceit.

Vivacia Thu 13-Nov-14 18:11:01

I think that the standard routine is to ask him if he has anything he needs to tell you and to tell him he only gets one chance so he needs to be completely honest with you.

Vivacia Thu 13-Nov-14 18:11:21

(Lycos takes me back a bit!).

warysara Thu 13-Nov-14 18:28:47

I didn't know Lycos was still going: Off to have a look!

I think you are overreacting. Ask him about the chat rooms and see what he says.

Lacoba66 Thu 13-Nov-14 18:39:41

warysara you say the OP is "overreacting"on what basis do you say that?

warysara Thu 13-Nov-14 18:46:48

Well, emotive things like:

"devastated" "going to pack his bags"

Over a bit of internet history? Never understood why people share computers if this is what it causes.

Vivacia Thu 13-Nov-14 18:49:16

Yes, sharing computers is obviously the problem here hmm

TinyWishes Thu 13-Nov-14 18:50:54

Could it of been a pop up? (You never know!) x

warysara Thu 13-Nov-14 18:52:29

So ... I just had a look at Lycos chat, it is in my history. I was intrigued as I thought it died a long while ago.

If you went wandering through it as my partner would you now be 'devastated' if you saw it? Would you be ready to ambush me upon arrival at home?

Vivacia Thu 13-Nov-14 18:55:30

Are you being deliberately obtuse sara? It's the secret viewing of women's profile that has got OP worried. Obviously.

Lacoba66 Thu 13-Nov-14 18:56:36

warysara Yes that's true, but then you could show your partner this thread and explain why it's there- let's hope that the OP's partner can give a similar explanation.... I still wouldn't have been so quick to say that she has overreacted, but horses for courses....

warysara Thu 13-Nov-14 19:43:01

vivacia: "Obtuse" or as most people would hopefully say "Sane" ....

Guiltypleasures001 Thu 13-Nov-14 20:11:33

Hi op

Lycos chat is pretty tame to be honest it's been around years and is fully monitored. Everyone looks at profiles, it's one of the last chat sites around I think. There's is no web cams, just general banter in open rooms.

The Rooms if you look are done like a deck of a ship, there's a bikers room a ball room it's all very open and quite busy.

Obviously you can go private chat but if he wanted that there's a lot of other dodged sites he could look in to.

Guiltypleasures001 Thu 13-Nov-14 20:14:14

As a side note, some of the links and pages I've ended up on just through stuff mentioned on here would make your hair curl.

My dh roles his eyes, I'm normally to be found looking up local male escorts that's was thru a link on here, or american prison penpal adverts.

I do this through nosiness and boredom.

Drumdrum60 Thu 13-Nov-14 21:24:21

Guilty what good ideas to pass the time!

pantsjustpants Thu 13-Nov-14 21:49:17

So we've had it out and I don't really know what to think....

He said he's not and never has been but wouldn't let me prove it by showing the history on the pc. He was turning it off at the switch and literally wouldn't let me turn it on. His profile has miraculously disappeared. He was completely defensive, not conciliatory or apologetic st all. Until I pointed this out.

He also said maybe it was a pop-up from when he was watching porn. I know he watches porn, it bothers me a tiny bit.

I know he's lying.... I'm now in bed with a banging headache, and feel nothing has been resolved.

alicemalice Thu 13-Nov-14 21:50:10

Yep he's lying

pantsjustpants Thu 13-Nov-14 21:51:18

guilty thank you for that. It's more the profiles that he's been looking at and the secrecy. I've come across stuff unintentionally, bit this wasn't. And it wasn't a one off, it was on other days too.

pantsjustpants Thu 13-Nov-14 21:52:10

But where to go from here? All advice gratefully received.

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