Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What are these types of couples all about...?

(95 Posts)
Somethingtodo Thu 13-Nov-14 09:54:50

I have 3 very close male friends who are in these types of relationships .... the male is vv social, real party animal, great fun, life and soul of the party etc - highly intelligent, loads of friends, loads of diverse interests - and the partner is Miss Mouse - no mates, no interests or other social life, dull, clings to the the only woman at all male nights out....totally gets into the music/football team/whatever of the male - having had zero interest or the opposite tastes previously (I know 2 of the women from before).....

SputnikSweetheart01 Thu 13-Nov-14 10:18:01


Maybe the girlfriends are shy? Maybe they suspect you are judging them?

TheGirlFromIpanema Thu 13-Nov-14 10:19:48

Opposites attract and all that.

ellengeorgia Thu 13-Nov-14 10:19:55

If they are happy... let them get on with it?

FelicityGubbins Thu 13-Nov-14 10:21:44

Maybe they like "mouse" girlfriends because they don't compete for attention, and are happy to be a spectator as the bloke shows off?

TheGirlFromIpanema Thu 13-Nov-14 10:22:10

Also sometimes an element of control by the more extrovert partner, especially men imho.

I briefly dated a bloke like this who seemed upset when I wouldn't go along with his social life instead if my own iyswim.

I expect he would love a partner with no other interests apart from him.

NickiFury Thu 13-Nov-14 10:22:14

What very negative language you use to describe the women.

Are you a man or a woman yourself?

SelfLoathing Thu 13-Nov-14 10:39:20

Some alpha male (and female) types positively don't want a partner who will compete with them for the spotlight. They want a partner who will worship them from the sidelines and care for them at home.

There are women like this too with mousey husbands. It maybe more common in the male dominant dynamic because historically society has placed a value on male dominance and alpha male traits.

ShatnersBassoon Thu 13-Nov-14 10:43:33

They're all about pleasing themselves and not caring if their acquaintance is puzzled by it.

Dirtybadger Thu 13-Nov-14 11:26:10

They find quieter women attractive? I am sure they're not "dull" when alone. Perhaps shy, so you haven't had the chance to get to know them.

TheHermitCrab Thu 13-Nov-14 11:38:02

Why do you ask??

My partner is by no means a social butterfly at all, very private and keeps himself to himself.

BUT when I met him I had very little interest in football (didn't hate it, just didn't bother with it) He's football MAD not just his own team, or league, but all of it, so obviously it was a big part of our time together, I go to games with him, watch things with him, and I genuinely enjoy it and love it, a new interest gained and all that! So it doesn't always mean the OH is weak.... just developing an interest in his interest.

Obviously you seem to be describing something more extreme, but... I don't see how it's a problem if they are happy? May just have very easy going girlfriends, or they may enjoy their time at home and possibly aren't doing "nothing"..

By describing them as dull and unintelligent.. seems you hold some resentment for one reason or another. Are you male or female?

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair Thu 13-Nov-14 11:39:31

Erm, maybe they love each other? My DP is very outgoing, has a job which is very sociable, large family and is always the one chosen to make a speech or announcement as he is very confident.

I'm a shy quiet mouse, happier at home watching TV or in small groups. When we go out I panic if he leaves me alone with people I don't know well. I do manage but it's quite uncomfortable for me and I'm much happier hanging onto his arm and chatting with him and another friend than being left to go it alone!

At home we are a perfect match, he gets to indulge his quieter side and I am much more open and confident with him than with anyone else. I have taken on board some of his interests, as he has mine, and his family/friends have more get togethers than mine so inevitably we end up spending more time with them.

It's the happiest relationship either of us have ever had, despite him being previously engaged to an outgoing party animal and me being married to a quiet introvert. As opposites we bring something different to our relationship and make a more rounded couple.

Catsarebastards Thu 13-Nov-14 11:47:30

Hmm, well when i was the mouse it was because EXp worked away 90% of the time, living the bachelor life, indulging in all his hobbies, socialising, making friends, connections, furthering his career etc... Which meant i was at home with the babies and PND, no free evenings to go and meet friends, no support to give me a chance to pretty myself up and hit the town for a drink, no hobbies, no social life etc. so yes, when he was at home it was him who had interests ad hobbies and me who was dull as fuck and clung to him for any chance of a bit of conversation that didnt revolve around breastfeeding or stain removal. I can see how that looked to oustiders- him=life and soul and me =dull thicko with nothing interesting to say.

KeepAbreast Thu 13-Nov-14 11:50:11

Sounds a bit like my relationship to be honest, except I dont "cling" to dp, he goes out and I stay at home being boring.

Chaseface Thu 13-Nov-14 11:57:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Only1scoop Thu 13-Nov-14 12:02:25

Are your 'very close male friends' ones you actually quite like yourself....??

Notbythehaironmychinnychinchin Thu 13-Nov-14 12:08:21

I can only think of one couple I know that the OP's description matches.

She isn't mousy (in fact she's very flirty and prone to frankly inane chatter), but she has absolutely no outside interests other than her husband's hobby. She doesn't work or have friends that are separate from her husband's hobby. Or mumchat (we've both got kids but there's only so much mumchat I can take!).

I would say "whatever works for them" but I've known her husband a long time and I think he has a selfish streak and would not be mutually supportive of her interests (if she had any). I actually find it difficult to spend time with her as I see her now as an extension of him and well, I was friends with her, not him.

TinklyLittleLaugh Thu 13-Nov-14 12:27:00

I suppose I am the introvert and DP is the extrovert. And when we go to things with his friends I'm like, "Please don't leave me alone with these people". Occasionally I will even cry off a social event and DP will go on his own and be the life and soul.

But I have very little in common with some of DP's mates who tend to talk about rugby and triathlon training and bloody hiking all night, (and that's just the women).

With our mutual friends or my friends we talk about books, films, politics, current affairs, that sort of thing. No one would consider me mousy there.

Some of DP's friends and their wives, no I really don't particularly want to be there, (particularly as some of the wives flirt with totally indifferent DP and give me evils all night anyway).

I suspect you are only seeing one side OP.

frankbough Thu 13-Nov-14 12:30:08

Alpha male=myth..

VitoCorleone Thu 13-Nov-14 13:28:35

I think in most couples there is always a more dominant person, if that's the right word? There is always one that does most of the talking, DP definitely does most of the talking when I'm with him, but ive seen couples where the man is the quiet one.

As for having no friends, well maybe they do have friends but prefer to hang out with their partner or his friends (i would HATE to hang around with DP and his friends) everyone's different

Somethingtodo Thu 13-Nov-14 13:44:57

I ask because I do think the relationships appear one sided - and I think it is more than an introvert/extrovert dynamic.

I have seen the women suffer - trading their desires and personalities for the relationship.

None of them have children or are married or own a property together (male owns it) despite very long-term relationships and this being what the woman wants. The women dont stay in, are always out with OH but dont socialize/engage with the group.

One of the guys is my brother and one of the girls is my SIL (not together obvs) - other guy is a mate of my husbands. All three guys are

Twinklestein Thu 13-Nov-14 14:53:10

Because the men are competitive, insecure, need to dominate, be centre of attention, and can't cope with a woman who is an equal? There are quite a lot of guys like this, they prefer to have gfs who are fans or nurses rather than someone who could match them.

Twinklestein Thu 13-Nov-14 14:54:25

Also they may like to be in control, so they choose someone who is easily controlled.

Somethingtodo Thu 13-Nov-14 18:57:48

Yes a "fan" describes it perfectly. I know that the women have never dared ask for what they want.....but they have pissed away chances of ever becoming a mother and securing a roof over their own head. I also think they allow the males to push boundaries - these are men who have never grown up - always on out on the lash or at some drink fuelled event etc.

Quitelikely Thu 13-Nov-14 19:11:06

It's just people's choices that they make. And from where I'm standing you're being critical.

Shall I pull apart your relationship dynamic?

Actually no thanks, I'm not interested in it and I can't really be bothered!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now