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Ex friend causing problems.

(7 Posts)
tigerbread123 Wed 12-Nov-14 17:06:32

Hi all

I posted on here a while ago about an ex friend of mine who had a tantrum when I wouldn't do as she said, and turned up at my house and tried to slap me. I refused to have anything further to do with her. Subsequently she then befriended several of my friends and they all started trying to get me to be friends with her again and telling me that life is too short to fall out with people, etc.

Anyway, our DDs are at school together, and in the past few months as I have just acted as though her stupid games don't bother me, she has now turned her attention to DD and keeps trying to get her into trouble at school by complaining about her. Her DD is just the same as her, causing trouble and wanting to dominate things, and my ex friend is going in twice a week saying that DD is being horrible to her DD, when in actual fact DD just tries to have as little to do with this womans DD as possible (they are 11, year 6). I have spoken to the teacher who says she agrees that my DD isn't a horrible child and that she has never witnessed any of the so-called horrible behaviour. DD is frequently coming home from school upset because this girl's mum has spoken to the teacher first thing and the girl makes a huge fuss at school during the day saying that her mum is telling the teacher about her and that DD is going to get in big trouble!

Now I have been told that my ex-friend has been going round to lots of other parents at pick up and 'warning' them about DD.

DD is really happy at school apart from this one thing; she has loads of friends and is always invited to parties, and round to peoples' houses to play. Her teacher says she's really hard working and well behaved.

It's just this bloody ex friend causing trouble again.

magoria Wed 12-Nov-14 17:10:04

Your DD is being bullied. Just because it is an adult doing to does not make it any different.

If your DD is being upset speak to the teacher. Ask for the anti bullying procedure. If she doesnt stop it go to the head.

Paperandstone Wed 12-Nov-14 17:13:43

God, this sounds truly awful. Poor you.

Why don't you write to the school setting out all of this and arrange a meeting with the teacher. The objective of that meeting should be to agree that the school must help taking action to stop this woman from bullying your child. That is of course the point, she is bullying and harrassing your child and you. Not only is it morally wrong, it is the school's duty to help stop this and it is also a criminal offence.

Are you amenable to a meeting with all 3 of you, i.e. her, you and teacher and do you think this would help? If so, this could perhaps be used to confront her (in a firm but non-aggressive way).

I think then you need to speak to this woman and make it clear that what she us doing constitutes harrassment and could become a police matter if she doesn't stop. I am not saying this is definitely the action you should take, but maybe a short sharp shock should make this clear to her? You should have the meeting with some witnesses e.g. friends. The other option is to write her a letter saying the same. But keep it very matter of fact i.e. what she is alleged to have done, what she said, to whom and when, and how that made you feel and that you may raise this with the police as it is coming close to harrassment.

Don't knowe whether this sounds too heavy handed but I just think you need to be clear with her that what she is doing is totally unacceptable. Good luck!!

TheLittleOneSaidRollOver Thu 13-Nov-14 00:16:21

Write a letter to the school. Use the words "safe-guarding" and "bullying" and yes do ask to see their anti-bullying policy.

The school have to believe that you will cause at least as much trouble as her. They probably realise already that you are right and she is a picnic short of a sandwich. However, as long as you appear to be tolerating it, they might not do very much about it.

As soon as you start firmly complaining, in writing and in person, using those special key words that have targets and OFSTED stuff attached, then they'll soon shift themselves.

40somethingwonderful Thu 13-Nov-14 06:45:59

Definitely speak to the school using the key words mentioned above, this is not acceptable and needs to be dealt with, how awful for you both.

WildBillfemale Thu 13-Nov-14 07:11:33

I would also include the detail of the mother arriving at your house and trying to slap you.....

davejudgement Thu 13-Nov-14 07:55:43

I was harassed by my ex childminder. I sent her a polite text listing various incidents, said it was not necessary and would she kindly refrain from harassing me via third persons.

It worked

This woman is harassing you

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