Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Caused argument between DP and his ex - baffled - what's your take?

(19 Posts)
Bluetonic123 Wed 12-Nov-14 16:38:30

It seems I have accidentally caused an argument between DP and his ex.

They have 2 DCs. His ex is going away this weekend and he agreed that he would pick them up from school on Friday so she could get her train which would mean leaving work early. For some reason DP thought it was next weekend (they both say the other one is the one that made the mistake) and he has an important meeting on Friday that he has to be present for.

I offered to pick the DCs up from school and take them out for a couple of hours so DP could meet them later as I have flexitime (DP did not ask me to do this and they know me well and like me - I have taken them out on my own before) which DP was happy with. When he said this to his ex she has hit the roof. She has accused DP of trying to get out of his responsibilities and using me for childcare which isn't true. She is talking about cancelling her weekend which makes no sense to me.

I get on well with her and she has told me that she is really happy I get on with the DCs so well so no issues there.

I don't really understand her reaction. Especially as DP sees his children all the time and has dropped his plans at the last minute many times so she can have a night out.

Can any of you understand her reaction? Should I withdraw the offer?

Bluetonic123 Wed 12-Nov-14 16:40:30

I wasn't the OW btw, before anyone asks ...

SquidgyMummy Wed 12-Nov-14 16:44:50

You're trying to help out.
if she wants to cancel her weekend that's up to her.

BeCool Wed 12-Nov-14 16:45:03

Well there could be any number of reasons for her reaction - though from what you have said it does sound OTT. perhaps your P has a track record for letting her/DC down?

I'd take a step back and let your P deal with his XP directly in sorting it out. If she cancels her weekend, that is her decision.

emotionsecho Wed 12-Nov-14 16:45:32

I am as baffled as you are OP, the only reason I can think of is the way your DP said it to her, rather than the content of what he said iyswim, or it could be it is just a result of the earlier crossed wires.

Bluetonic123 Wed 12-Nov-14 16:48:17

"perhaps your P has a track record for letting her/DC down?"

He really doesn't. If he did I'd understand.

DP is adamant that she told him the wrong date. She is adamant that she didn't. Knowing the both either is equally likely.

BeCool Wed 12-Nov-14 16:51:28

One of them has made a mistake and she got 'the rage' about it. Hope it sorts itself out. It doesn't sound at all like you are part of the problem.

YouAreMyRain Wed 12-Nov-14 16:54:29

If she wants to cut off her nose to spite her face by cancelling her weekend, let her. You haven't caused any argument here, they have got mixed up about dates, you are trying to help, ExW has kicked off. Not your problem.

pictish Wed 12-Nov-14 16:56:47

I think she's making a fuss over nothing. I wonder why?

RandomMess Wed 12-Nov-14 17:07:14

I think she's pissed that she thinks he's got the date wrong and blaming her and she's lost sight of "don't sweat the small stuff"

Squidstirfry Wed 12-Nov-14 17:25:51

Don't withdraw your offer, it's a nice and supportive gesture.
Let them sort their fallout.

Mehitabel6 Wed 12-Nov-14 17:33:45

Yes just keep the kind offer there and let them sort the rest.

TimeWarp Wed 12-Nov-14 17:45:49

I agree, keep your offer open but leave it up to her to decide whether she wants to cancel or not. There may be something going on that you're not aware of like she doesn't want to go for some reason but is in denial about it so has subconsciously messed up the plans.

Suggest to your DP that in future anytime arrangements are changed that he confirm it by text or email so that he can refer back to it.

LineRunner Wed 12-Nov-14 17:51:45

I like TimeWarp's idea, that she doesn't really want to go. Is she stressed out about stuff?

Either that or she has issues with you.

Rebecca2014 Wed 12-Nov-14 17:56:32

Leave it be, if she's reasonable majority of the time she may be having a bad day.

needaholidaynow Wed 12-Nov-14 18:52:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Viviennemary Wed 12-Nov-14 18:55:31

There doesn't seem to be any logic behind this. Except perhaps she genuinely thinks your DP is trying to get out of the collecting from school. I'd just let it go and if she wants to cancel then let her. No point in making a bigger fuss. I agree with keeping the offer open and it's up to her whether she takes it up or not.

Bluetonic123 Wed 12-Nov-14 19:19:01

The problem is I need to arrange to work extra hours to cover and I need to do it tomorrow and would rather not if I don't need to.

Maybe she has pmt- I have been known to be equally irrational at couple of days before my period.

If it was dps mistake it was genuine. It's been in his calender for next week since she told him about it.

oranges Wed 12-Nov-14 19:40:55

well tell them the offer is open till tomorrow and if she first want to take you up on it it will be too late after that.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: