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Why am I left feeling like the bad guy? Help me see sense!

(7 Posts)
Ellexx Wed 12-Nov-14 00:00:44

I wrote on here a couple of months ago, in relation to a situation I found myself in with a guy I was seeing before he moved 4 hours away from me. He's completely hot and cold with me and I think very manipulative! I'm really annoyed at myself I let him keep me hooked for as long as possible, but now I am left feeling the bad guy! I will try and bullet point as not to ramble too much!

Hot behaviour- very intense- calls me by nicknames like 'how are you, you cute little monkey' 'I wish I could cuddle you all day' 'wow you look so beautiful in your profile pic' . He likes a lot of my photos on instragram on a regular basis (he's not noticed I've unfollowed him!) etc etc

Cold (since he's been away)
- not called me once :/
-taking longer to reply to messages
- when I was in his city seeing friends,on the sat night he asked me what I was doing on the sunday, suggesting he wanted to see me, the convo continues after this and I reply in the morning- he didn't reply til 11pm that night when I had conveniently gone home
- following weekend he pops up asking why I hadn't seen him- safe to say I had a go and said I knew he had purposely not replied on the Sunday til late- he then said he didn't think I would be up for meeting as he knew I was sick from alco the night before and thought I would have been too hungover
- I called his bluff whilst he messaged me that night (purely to see his intention) and said I was an hour away and could meet him the following day- he seemed all keeno and then suddenly stopped messaging me- I expected such behaviour anyway so just messaged in the morning (to get my dignity back) politely saying 'although it would be lovely to see you its not a good idea to drive into london because of the traffic' he replied 2 WEEKS later saying he had only just realised I had sent that message- then said he didn't think I had meant the meeting up anyway- then 'I feel sick come cuddle'

- 1 week later (sat night) he pops up at about 12am saying he had just seen a tagged photo of me on facebook (through mutal friend) and how 'hot' he thought I looked. In my frustration/drunkness I replied 'k'- he then replied '??' And I just deleted the conversation and ignored.

It's weird as now I feel awful that I have ignored him and I was so short with him!!! I actually felt a bit moody and down today and I know it's over him which is completely ridiculous as I know he has messed me around! He's a 'nice' guy in terms of he always speaks nicely to me, but I just think he is being extremely cruel leading me on and I don't think he is genuine! But I don't understand why I'm left feeling like the bad person and have some stupid desire to end it now on good terms! Will someone help me see sense? Or have I been harsh? Lastly does anyone think he knows he's been a d**k head? As if he did it wouldn't make me feel as bad!

Sorry complete VENT- I feel so much better already haha.

trackrBird Wed 12-Nov-14 00:49:28

No need to feel awful. He's not that interested, and won't be losing any sleep over it. The long gaps and sudden drop offs in mid text conversation suggest he might not be exclusive with you (shall we say).

It takes more than speaking nicely to make a nice guy, Ellexx. Think more of yourself, and find a better man than this one!

BlueGreenHazelGreen Wed 12-Nov-14 01:00:14

Elle don't feel bad. From what you've said he's moved away and isn't making any effort to maintain a relationship.

There's nothing there. Stop messaging him and find some one who us nice.

Seriously, relationships aren't meant to be this hard.

PedantMarina Wed 12-Nov-14 07:04:44

A nice guy would be more concerned that so many messages were allegedly going astray. The pattern I'm seeing is that he contacts you when it suits him and/or he's drunk or horny.

And yes, I do think he knows exactly what he's doing, but in his mindset it's not evil, not meant to be, just keeping you from getting too 'above yourself'. He doesn't see you as a real, living, breathing human being.

Keep up the good work in not contacting him. Indeed, block more of his access to you. This isn't the attention you need.

Ellexx Wed 12-Nov-14 11:27:51

Thank you for your responses smile makes me feel better I did the right thing!

I just don't understand guys- when I'm not interested in someone, I will completely show it by a) telling them and b) not contacting them. Just seems really harsh he keeps me there knowing I like him! Find it bizarre for anyone to keep talking to someone when they have no intention of seeing them again!

The only thing I could think of, is either he is seeing someone else or he just uses me as an ego boost/boredom sad

His behaviour baffles me, wish I could work it out!


Happymum1985 Wed 12-Nov-14 12:12:36

I've learnt the hard way with past boyfs... I'm afraid you shouldnt feel bad in the least because he doesnt sound like hes bothered at all. He clearly isnt in a relationship place but likes the attention of stringing girls along... seen it so many times. Block him, delete him etc and move on. Hopefully one daysomeone will use him then he will know how it feels!!! KARMA!!

BlueGreenHazelGreen Wed 12-Nov-14 21:55:13

Elle you are exactly right, he is just using you as an ego boost when he is bored.

He would appear to be a very selfish person or at a minimum careless of your feelings.

Either way, not worth your time. Don't message him or reply again. It's not going to get less confusing and you'll get hurt.

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