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What is going on with me and dh?

(5 Posts)
Rinkydinkypink Tue 11-Nov-14 19:50:22

Where to start? So much has happened and it's just confusing. We have 2 dc, one infant school and a 17 month old. The last few years have been difficult. Lots of major life changes, family illness death etc. It has been stressful to say the least. I have PND, on meds have ups and downs but feel stable.

Dh works long hours, is the main wage earner. I've been at home for the last few years but have just gone back to work 3 days a week. I'm loving it! Completely shattered but loving it.

Dh is also shattered, stressed and doesn't seem to be enjoying work. He's trying to move but it's going to take time.

I'm not happy. I don't know if its just lack of energy. If dh and I are growing apart? I know I get very cross with him and fed up of feeling I do so much. I have no sex drive at all. It's completely gone hmm. If I never had sex again it wouldn't bother me in the least. This is not just dh this is for anyone! No desire, I want to be left alone.

I can't work out what's going on. I feel I need to do something but I don't know where to start.

gildedcage Tue 11-Nov-14 19:54:23

Don't want to comment really about your relationship with dh but antidepressants do cause a loss of libido, this is a well known side effect. Speak with your dh and if its causing problems in your relationship speak with your GP.

Also, life is hard with little dc, especially when you're working.

Rinkydinkypink Tue 11-Nov-14 19:56:44

My sex drive was dead before I started the anti d's. It's maybe dulled the sensations even more. I don't want sex but feel bad for not having it. Dh doesn't ever pressure me, he's very respectful but I feel bad about it. I just want to go to bed and watch tv, read or sleep.

Quitelikely Tue 11-Nov-14 19:57:46

I read this and think your relationship is adapting to the fact you both work and have two young DC. It's hard work, and the relationship suffers if you don't make the effort with each other.

Maybe you have both taken your eyes of your relationship, which is understandable but now is the time to re focus your efforts.

jakesmith Tue 11-Nov-14 19:59:23

If your husband works long hours & isn't happy at work that's probably affecting him a lot. If he moves & is happier it may improve things at home a lot. Being unhappy at work can cast an overbearing shadow on your life, from experience
My sister had very bad PND but on the right meds it improved massively however they took a while to kick in. She's the happiest person in the world but was in a very dark place before like we'd never seen her before.
If you have PND then your hormones and mood is not balanced normally. This may or may not explain your lack of sex drive
Once these situations pick up you may well return to normal and this could become a bad memory. Or at least you may feel more clear-headed about things.
I've learned from experience that if the situation isn't unbearable and there are significant factors affecting things that could well improve over an acceptable timeframe, one needs to be careful about making big decisions when one isn't oneself

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