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what do I do?

(7 Posts)
leolion81 Tue 11-Nov-14 14:44:46

hi all. I've never been on this but thought it would be a good place for advice. i'm 33 and have a 10yr old boy. His father has nothing to do with him which he is fine with and it doesnt cause any issues. I met my current partner 5 1/2 years ago and we've always had a very difficult relationship but we've persevered because we loved each other. He's very uncommital and wont discuss marriage. I moved into his home 12 months ago because I said look either we do this or it's over as I cant continue living in two different homes. He backed down but put a co-habitation agreement together which basically says if we split or he dies I get no say on the house and I walk away. Since we moved in my feelings for him have dwindled and at the moment I have no interest in him but he still thinks I'm this keen gf of a few years ago, who would do anything for him and to stay with him. Truth is I don't actually care. I think his attitude is 'you forced your way into my home so I will behave how I want because you wanted it and knew what I was like already.' most of the time we do get on ok but a silly row will spiral, we both work fulltime but I do more around the house than him but he thinks its equal. It really isn't but he thinks washing the odd pot or doing tea are the only chores that need doing! I dont enjoy my job its just office work and Im getting really bored. My mum became ill in may and died in august. she was only 63 and the whole experience has left me feeling devestated, down and tbh, scared. I saw things that were really traumatising and i cant believe my lovely mum went like that. I dont know if this is causing my lack of interest in other aspects of my life or whether it just gave me a wake up call that life is short and i shouldnt settle for second best. I feel stuck in a rut and dont know what to do so any advice would be appreciated.

loloftherings Tue 11-Nov-14 14:48:14

Sounds like the ultimatum you issued 12 months ago has come back to bite you.

Quitelikely Tue 11-Nov-14 14:55:37

Well you forced his hand. He wasn't ready to make the comitment and now you're living with the consequences of that.

lemisscared Tue 11-Nov-14 14:57:31

Time to walk away

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 11-Nov-14 15:09:13

Even a happy and well cared for child will start to notice if there's an atmosphere or continued sniping.

Part of this tension with DP could be a natural reaction to the major loss you experienced in August. It's natural following bereavement to feel things are out of our control. But as your dissatisfaction started even before your mother fell ill I think it's more likely you moved in and simply found you're not compatible.

Have you looked into what accommodation elsewhere you might be able to afford?

hellsbellsmelons Tue 11-Nov-14 15:24:08

I think this relationship has run it's course.
Time to start looking to get out now.
You are already feeling resentment after only 1 year of living with him.
Imagine how you will feel in 5 years time when nothing has changed.

Pack up your things and get away from him and take some time for just you and your DS.

Don't feel bad about your ultimatum. It was 5 1/2 years for goodness sake. Be glad you did and that you have found out now that it's not going to work out.

Be kind to yourself. You've been through a lot lately.
thanks for you.

Joysmum Tue 11-Nov-14 18:14:46

Better to realise this sooner rather than later. Make your exit plans and get out.

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