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Change yr name, make a confession!

(381 Posts)
iamsomeoneelse Tue 11-Nov-14 12:56:31

A thread to get something deep and dark off your chest -- anonymously!

If you don't know how to change your name, go to the 'My Mumsnet' tab and go into the 'My Account' section, there you can enter any name you like. Then, just enter your usual password and click 'Save Changes' et voila! Instant new identity!

I'll get the ball rolling:

I really feel that there are some deep cracks forming in my marriage, and I have a horrible feeling that divorce may be on the horizon after 10+ years of marriage. Part of me is terrified by the effect this might have on my two DDs, but another part of me is quietly excited at the prospect of a new and different kind of relationship.

LiviaEmpressoftheUniverse Tue 11-Nov-14 14:00:11

I'm a frequent name-changer, I'm afraid. And I don't have anything to confess.
Oh yes I do.
I ballsed-up the best opportunity I've had in a long time to get to know a really nice man. Totally accidentally, I managed to convince him I was unavailable. I tried to put it right but it didn't happen.
Can't tell you how bad I feel about that.
Might change my name, might not.

Helpthisishell Tue 11-Nov-14 14:16:30

Okaaay, here goes,
I hate my partner with a deep hatred, he is depressed, with a filthy temper, anger issues and blames the whole world for his feelings. I want him to leave, I have no money or job right now, he is awful to our lovely daughter and I feel powerless to get her away. He is aggressive and just all round vile and getting worse by the day, I go to bed most nights at 8pm to get away from his snarling face. He is a cunt and I have had much more than enough. We want to split but cant get around the practicalities. I am no longer prepared to keep his secrets and pretend we are "such a lovely family" I am telling anyone who will listen what a terrible bastard he is.
Phew, thanks for letting me get that off my chest

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Tue 11-Nov-14 15:13:45

help have you got real life support? Women's aid?

fluffythevampireslayer Tue 11-Nov-14 15:18:41

This is difficult, isn't it? Even with a name change! Stay strong OP, Livia and Help.

My confession is quite huge: am married, have a kid and have been madly in love with my best friend for nearly a decade. I've learned to live with it but it's tearing me apart every day.

Havetosay Tue 11-Nov-14 15:27:20

Ok - I've recently namechanged anyway and posted on a thread already about this - the thread disappeared but I do believe there are other women in my situation.

My husband has given up on sex. After some ED problems which he has been given meds for (not V but the same type of thing - he won't even try it).

I am in my late forties and have lived like this for 10 years now. He is only slightly older than me. He is very attractive and so am I - not that it matters I know, but it's causing me problems - see later.

I love him with all my heart. i want to grow old with him - he is the father of my children and my best friend. he tells me he loves me every single day. Every few months or so I break down and ask him please to just try and get our sex life back and he makes non-committal noises and the conversation is over.

I have to travel a lot in my job and I meet a lot of people. I get propositioned all the time and I never ever do anything about it. Also a lot of them have partners and I'm too much part of the sisterhood to even think about it.

But, after getting some treatment for the meno - my libido is back full force and it's driving me crazy. I am getting so angry and sad that I can't have a normal life with the man I love. What the fuck am I going to do? He would never forgive me for an affair, plus the guilt would be too much for me to bear.

We lie in bed next to each other every night. We don't kiss properly as I'm sure he thinks that will encourage me and I'll think it will lead on to other things. He pats me on the head and kisses me on the forehead like a child.

For him it's ok .. for me it's agony sad

ellengeorgia Tue 11-Nov-14 15:45:07

Haveto if he wont try I don't see how he can 'not forgive you' for looking elsewhere

Havetosay Tue 11-Nov-14 15:48:52

ellengeorgia - thanks for reading! (it was a bit long) x

It's not just that he couldn't forgive it, it's that I love him too much to do it.

I'm sort of trapped in a prison of my own making - I couldn't come back from a trip and look him in the face.

nomorenamesleft Tue 11-Nov-14 15:58:44

I wrote something but it wouldn't post and then disappeared.
The short of it. ..

I was raped and certain smells and phrases cause me to have flashbacks. (I had counselling but may need more)

My ex is the devil I hate him. And he's ugly. If he weren't the father of my Dc's I'd wish I'd never met him.

I'm dating someone who adores me but I refuse to tell him I love him.

Cameochick11 Tue 11-Nov-14 16:00:55

Also NC for this. How cathartic to confess this! My male best friend from years ago asked me to spend the night with him recently. Mutual mates tell me that he has always loved me and I had no idea. I didn't do it because I love my DH, and haven't ever cheated. But my head is filled with thoughts of this man, and I can't shift them. We live in different countries, so aren't likely to run into each other unless we plan it. Part of me yearns for the friendship we had. How can I get him out of my mind?

Havetosay Tue 11-Nov-14 16:18:23

Nomorenamesleft - I'm so sorry sad

Cameochick - been in similar situation (see above) - it will wear off, but it takes time and you love your DH - you will keep thinking about it, but it will get less and less.

tiddlywiddly Tue 11-Nov-14 16:22:46

NC too. OK... deep breath...

I have been married a long time, the marriage has been totally celibate for 24 years. I have been having an affair with the same man for nine years now (mostly sex but he is a very nice person too). 15 years of total celibacy is too long for anyone to bear (havetosay I feel for you, been there, done it, etc.)

I did tell my DH at one point but it's now buried again. He'd prefer things like they are so he accepts that this is me because he can't do any form of intimacy. It is an elephant in the room but the elephant is turning into a mouse because we (DH and I) care for each other a lot and we have a good life. It works. No one knows, it would be a huge shock to everyone. Life carries on.

That was cathartic. Thank you.

Havetosay Tue 11-Nov-14 16:44:55

tiddlywiddly I'm so glad it works for you.

Mine wouldn't stand for it - there was a work pic of someone kissing my cheek and he went nuts and kept asking me not to leave him.

But, I'm not just sad anymore, I'm getting angry and the thought of never ever having that intimacy again is impossible to get my head around. It's my life and I know that one day (sooner rather than later, I think) I won't be able to say no and the whole fucking thing will be up in the air and I'll have to cope with the fallout.

I don't know if I would be able to keep it a secret you see, I'd have to tell him and then - 25 years of marriage down the drain sad

pinkshinyscissors Tue 11-Nov-14 16:49:08

I have namechanged more times than I can remember but here goes another time!

My confession is that having split up with my boyfriend just over a month ago for various reasons (including his slightly jealous tendencies) I met up with him over the weekend and we're back together. I love him. Can't help it. I haven't told my best friend yet because I know she will not approve, she didn't like him thought he was bad news. I don't know how to break it to her (I know she will still be my friend but I also know she won't be impressed because of what I've told her about him).

dontgetsickpay Tue 11-Nov-14 16:50:58

Deep and Dark.....

cloakedforconfession Tue 11-Nov-14 17:06:49

My confession is not deep and dark, but I can not tell anyone in rl because I just sound like an ungrateful spoilt brat.

I don't like the new house or new city we have moved to. Everyone tells me how lovely they are, and I see how objectively they are, and I know how lucky I am, but I just don't like it here and I feel unhappy every day.

This is partly to do with the big rift in my relationship, that some people know about and some people don't. I suspect my DP really doesn't care for me at all, but again to the outside my relationship looks lovely and my DP charming and I suspect if I left most people close to me would think me foolish and/or disapprove of the upheaval I would inflict on children.

I haven't had regular sex for 6 years. I've only been with DP for 9 years. Basically everything stopped when we moved in together. Conceived DD shortly afterwards in a short spurt of concerted ttc, and then just the occasional once every several months since then. At the moment I can't even remember the last time we kissed.

ThisMortalCoil Tue 11-Nov-14 17:07:50

This is good timing.

Me and my partner have been going through a rough patch recently and decided to split recently although he was in denial about this even though I was adamant. He was selfish, in bed especially, has never given me a compliment ever.

While my exp was away (we still live together) I called an old flame and we met up at a hotel and had the hottest sex. It was amazing. I feel like something has come alive in me after feeling under appreciated and unloved for so long. Plus this guy is fucking gorgeous with the body of a god, he kept telling me how sexy I was. Siiiiigh

cosmicnibbles Tue 11-Nov-14 17:10:39

Is there a way to name change on the app?

cheeseyfeet Tue 11-Nov-14 17:52:47

havetosay I sympathise with you.
DH and I have been together 15 years married for 7. Love him dearly but all affection seems to have disappeared. I get a quick peck on the cheek when he gets home from work but that's it really! I don't think he finds me attractive anymore. I miss the random cuddles sad
Wev'e never been at it like rabbits but I seriously cant remember the last time we had sex! It was that long ago. I miss him. He works long hours and is tired so can kinda understand but I really think he doesnt think of me in that way anymore.
I'm reluctant to say anything to him as I want him to 'want' to.. not because iv'e said.

LoafersOrLouboutins Tue 11-Nov-14 17:55:11

I've posted many times on MN details which could 'out' me (circumstances of split with ExDH, ongoing problems with ExDH and DDs, city I live in, job I do..) so I've name changed for this. I'm 6 weeks pregnant. From a one night stand with somebody I used to know through work. He isn't married but does have a long term girlfriend, I've only just learnt of this. I can't face telling anybody as I was 100% convinced I didn't want anymore children. My parents will be shocked, as will my friends and I can't imagine what I will tell my DDs. But I want this baby. It seems like a fresh start from ExDH.

The man I'm expecting a child with is from an Orthodox Jewish background (I'm not Jewish) and has made it clear he will not be a prominent role in the child's life and doesn't want his family or friends to find out. We're both in our 30's.

I feel terrible because I was so proud and open with both previous pregnancies but this feels like a shameful secret.

thanks to everybody on this thread.

LoafersOrLouboutins Tue 11-Nov-14 17:55:51

Balls, no I haven't name changed! Oh well, I'll be posting about this anyway so I 'spose it doesn't hurt to be 'out'

FelicityGubbins Tue 11-Nov-14 18:36:19

Congratulations Loafers, and if anyone asks tell them you wanted another child and have gone down the sperm donor route grin not technically a lie if the dad doesn't want a part in the child's life! Be proud of your baby flowers

WildBillfemale Tue 11-Nov-14 18:41:19

Can't bothered to namechange so here goes.

After watching 'Priscilla Queen of the desert' a few years ago I went and bought some ping pong balls and had a go myself. I'm proud to say I can fire one some way.

Deepestdarkestsecret Tue 11-Nov-14 19:25:17

Well, this couldn't have come at a better time.
I was in an abusive relationship - emotional and physical abuse but I ended it.
Now I've started seeing a new guy who is amazing.
Everything I want in a partner: kind, supportive, clever, emotionally intelligent, compassionate as well as being someone I am really attracted to and we both really feel things are going to work out long term between us. So far, so good.
Except, the other week I slept with my ex. He still wants me back and to be honest I enjoyed having some power over him and enjoyed hurting him by telling him it would never happen again.
This is bad enough, but we had unprotected sex and I had to take the morning after pill. Less than a week later I had sex with my new partner and the condom broke and I had to take the morning after pill again.
Today I've woken up feeling dreadful and was really worried I was pregnant. I've done a test and it's negative thankfully (I already have 4DC)
I'm so ashamed and can't tell anyone about this.
It feels like I should be on Jeremy Kyle.
My new partner really doesn't deserve to be treated like this but I daren't tell him as I know it will be a deal breaker.
He's also getting a load of grief from his ex wife at the moment regarding access to their 3DC and thinks I've been his 'rock' throughout it all. sad
I know I deserve a total flaming for this.

21secondstoblow Tue 11-Nov-14 19:28:16

I'm blissfully happy with DH, been together over 10yrs.

But I became friends with a man a few years ago and have feelings for him. He knew at one point, but I think he's under the impression that it's waned. If he made a move I think I'd reciprocate. And I think I'd feel better for having it out of my system.

Also, I get a little thrill from people finding me attractive.

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