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Being "dumped" by a friend/Ending a friendship

(6 Posts)
McSqueezy Mon 10-Nov-14 17:11:59

Has this ever happened to you?

I have been friends with someone for over a decade. Up until recently we spoke almost daily about all kinds of things, household matters, relationships etc.

Not long ago I had a baby which changed things, because that baby was a girl and we are both mothers to two sons each. She became overly involved at first...wanting to be there 24/7 buying gifts etc, but over time I she began to try and 'one up' me often e.g excluding me from certain 'exciting' events, rubbing it in that I couldn't do certain things because of the baby, and being a bit moody for no apparent reason.

Now, I am used to certain behaviour from her because she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, so I try have some understanding. But a few months ago she stopped talking to me completely. My daughter was hospitalised only days later - and she knew about this, but didn't even ask after her. She went from begging to babysit to nothing at all. We had no arguments or anything.

A few weeks back there was a concert we were supposed to go to with a few others that had been planned months prior when we were still talking. I cancelled in advance because I felt it would be awkward (we were seated together) after being ignored for so long. I received a very curt reply that I would not be refunded my ticket as no one else would buy it.

Today I found out that both she and her sister (who I am somewhat friendly with) have deleted me from all social media accounts. I mean, I know life goes on but am I right to feel so upset by this?! It is quite hurtful.

Quitelikely Mon 10-Nov-14 18:12:43

Yes you are right to feel hurt. Have you considered asking her if you have done something to cause offence/upset

Bogeyface Mon 10-Nov-14 18:52:48

Sounds like she wants a DD too and the fact that you have one is what is causing her issues. Would she have more children or has that choice been taken away, perhaps by her DH refusing to have more?

Sounds like jealousy to me.

It is hurtful but frankly if she can do this to you after 10 years then you are better off without her.

newgirl Mon 10-Nov-14 18:57:21

Hmmm it sounds like there is something that has upset her - can you ask?

candyce83 Mon 10-Nov-14 19:04:01

You are 100% entitled to being upset about this...however do not take her bpd to heart. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with deep rooted abandonment issues. You are not the first or last person she has probably done this to. Bpds are known for abrupt departures and no closure. Closure to them = ego death. As they have black and white thinking any acknowledgment of wrongdoing on her part would mean she is all bad so don't count on any kind of apology. I feel for you. Chances are her view of your friendship will be completely different to her than how you have seen things.

Go to gettinbetter.com

The woman write amazing articles on bpd. It will make you feel sane again.

You deserve better friends than this.

McSqueezy Mon 10-Nov-14 19:49:14

Hi all, thank you for the replies.

I haven't reached out to ask her why she isn't talking to me because there was no sudden disagreement or anything like that, and in the past when she has been in the wrong I have tried to make amends. Tbh it has become tiresome trying to figure out why she is offended.

She has no fertility issues that I am aware of, although she is not in a relationship at the moment. I do think jealousy could be a factor knowing how she behaves. She was very jealous of her sister's pregnancy (before her own DS2) and seemed almost elated when she ended up having a termination. And she is also jealous of her son's cousin (on his father's side) because he dethroned her DS2 as the only grandchild in that side of the family.

Thank you for the link, the description sums her up to a T! She has cut many people off suddenly - usually boyfriends, and has few friends of her own. In fact minus me I don’t think she actually has any. Maybe I am better off without her.

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