Hi, male first poster here. If I'm intruding please say, but I'd love a female opinion.
I know the title says it all, but I'd like to elaborate. Please bear with me because I like to explain things thoroughly.
I know there are men and women who get jealous of their partners celebrity crushes, and there are those who couldn't care less. Unfortunately I'm in a situation at the minute where I'm incredibly jealous of my wife's celebrity crushes and it's making me feel confused because I'm not sure if I'm being ridiculous or I have a valid point that needs some sort of resolution.
Me and my wife have been together for 13 years and married for 11. We always been deeply in love and our sex life has always been fantastic. She's always been a beautiful woman and I've always felt that she fancied the pants off me.
That was roughly until 2013. Unfortunately I developed a deep anxiety and depression brought on by my job that hit it's peak around the summertime. Eventually, in July 13' I quit my job and went to the doctor, got some pills, and resolved to sort myself out. During my depressed days I drank heavily, became moody, distant and unmotivated, and it really affect our marriage and sex life (as you would expect). By November I'd started to get a lot better and we agreed to make an effort to get back to the happy couple we were before.
I'd noticed I was putting on weight after I'd started taking my pills, and I also noticed that I was eating a lot more too. I'd put on a fair bit of weight, and this continued over Christmas and into the first few months of 2014 until I'd put on 4 stone!!!! Ridiculous, I know. This obviously led to me feeling pretty crap about myself and and my wife and I hadn't really rekindled the old flame. I felt (and still feel) that I'd made more of an effort to get things back to how they were, but because our sex life hadn't gone back to how it was this made me more paranoid about my weight. My paranoia and lack of self confidence led to me getting erectile problems and it's pretty much just stalled from there.
So, I get to my point (eventually, sorry about that). We've never been the sort of couple to obsess over celebrities, but I'm not an idiot and I know everyone fancies more than just one person. I've had a momentary crushes on some celebs, but once I'd seen them in other films or tv programmes it'd worn off very quickly and I didn't feel anything for them anymore. I'd noticed that my wife had made a couple of comments on facebook about a certain actor, and to be honest it didn't really bother me. A couple of weeks later the comments started to become more regular and involved different actors. Once again it didn't really bother me. Over the next few months and up to now it's become a daily occurrence. Her phone, iPad and Facebook page are cluttered with images of these famous crushes, as well as posting daily photos on Facebook of numerous famous hunks saying how sexy they are and how much she loves them. In fact one actor in particular she's always referring to being so 'in love' with and how she'd like to have a shower with 3 particular gentleman at once. In addition, the iPad internet history if jammed full of google searches for all of these hunky men on a daily basis as well as loads of screenshots of men saved in a folder on the iPad.
I approached the subject with her and said that what she was doing was upsetting me, especially due to my sexual problems and weight gain/self esteem issues. She said she understood but that I was being ridiculous and we'd been together long enough to not become jealous over these things. She said that her posts are always meant in a joking way. We agreed to disagree and she hasn't stopped doing what she's doing and it's really grating on me now. Personally I think she's being disrespectful and hurtful and it's angering me that she won't tone it down or meet me halfway. The ironic thing is that I was never very jealous, but she would always get insanely jealous whenever I got attention from other women (who were always quickly repelled by the way). She also recently had no problem telling me about her and her colleagues cooing over a latino looking hunky fella who'd visited her shop, and that she'd been the one who got to serve him and flirt with him.
So we're in a bit of a stalemate. I'm confused. Am I being ridiculous? Do I have a point? Do I need to back off and let it go? Is the problem with me and how I feel about myself?
Be honest with me please, how would you feel if you were me and it was your husband/boyfriend doing these things?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Wife's celebrity crushes
TheBob37 · 10/11/2014 13:34
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