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URGENT Please give your tips to heal a broken heart

(160 Posts)
innerstrength100 Mon 10-Nov-14 11:23:08

He said I was his soulmate and he would never ever let me go. He has let me go. Although we didn't live together, he has been part of our family for 2 and half years, and I have never felt so loved as I did in that time.

Have boxed up everything he's ever given me and put in loft. Working up towards deleting all text messages.

Please please post any tips you have to help heal a broken heart as quickly as possible.

CinnamonBuns Mon 10-Nov-14 11:28:30

What worked for me was snagging a really hot bloke. Doesn't work for everyone though!

Sorry it's ended, what was the reason?

CinnamonBuns Mon 10-Nov-14 11:28:45

Shagging not snagging smile

BeCool Mon 10-Nov-14 11:30:57

I once did astanga yoga every morning for 4 months to get me through a very bad period. It worked well, and I became physically very healthy.

innerstrength100 Mon 10-Nov-14 11:34:20

Thank you; I am already onto the physical fitness thing. Already going mad in the gym and at all sorts of classes.

He just put shutters up and decided that it was not going to work longterm. Feel like my heart has been ripped out. Would try anything to get over this quicker.

bobs123 Mon 10-Nov-14 11:42:00

Getting rid of anything that reminds you of him (difficult I know)

New haircut/colour. New outfit, clothes.

Getting out and seeing people. Trips away?

Well done with the physical fitness - that would be my first port of call

Find something to smile/laugh at every day

New hobby

This may sound odd, but eventually look back on it as a wonderful time of your life that a lot of people don't get. I was married 21 yrs and never got to feel like you described!

<haven't even managed to get a bit of what CinnamonBuns had>....yet smile

McGlashan Mon 10-Nov-14 11:42:25

Concentrate on one thing that pissed you off about him. Even the way he finished it. Everytime you start thinking about the what ifs and how lovely he was- force yourself to think about what a shit he has been. Takes a bit of practice but it's like aversion therapy.

annieOct14 Mon 10-Nov-14 11:54:33

Hi Innerstregth,

I think you've already made a start with calling yourself innerstrength. Ok this is what I would do. A lot of us have been there with personal experience.
Firstly get it out of your system by having a good cry. This is a natural process (how long has it been btw?) Watch a few movies about broken relationships. Watch a weepy about unrequited love. Then watch something inspirational. The beauty of life is you don't know what's round the corner. There can be hope and excitement if you are perceptive to it.
Life must and does go on and you need to take steps to get away from this feeling loss and find hope for the future.
Start a thread to find others in the same situation as you. It will give you support and get it out of the system.
Then decide you will not fester and start anew. Agree delete all texts from him. Sell all his gifts and give yourself a makeover. You may not feel like it but look after yourself. Look your best and go out and mingle Think Kate Middleton when she split up from Prince Will.
Throw yourself into work or a hobby. Go somewhere you will meet single people.

innerstrength100 Mon 10-Nov-14 11:56:24

Thank you - good advice. Yes, he was totally wonderful for 2 and a half years, but has suddenly treated me like this - need to think about that more. I honestly don't understand it.

Have removed absolutely everything I can from the house that reminds me of him and either put in box in loft (love letters etc - of which there are MANY), plus have put things like balsamic vinegar he bought in the bin.

Some things I can't remove, like presents he bought the children sad

innerstrength100 Mon 10-Nov-14 11:59:03

I am going to book to see a counsellor. I have completely fallen apart. He has been my absolute rock through all sorts of things, my best friend as well as my lover, and it feels like I'm having a panic attack every time I think about managing without his love and support.

LiviaEmpressoftheUniverse Mon 10-Nov-14 12:01:12

Find another man right away!

LiviaEmpressoftheUniverse Mon 10-Nov-14 12:02:22

I'm not being flippant. The effectiveness of this cure amazed me. My soul was at one with the last one, I thought. Apparently, it was actually free to move on...

AntsMarching Mon 10-Nov-14 12:06:25

Unfortunately time is the only thing that will do it. While you're waiting on time to pass, stay busy. Go out and see friends, plan things to look forward to doing (days out, etc), exercise is fab because it really gives you a place to channel and release your feelings. Don't be afraid to feel your feelings, but remember to let them go and don't hold onto them.

You sound very positive in your post, which is a good start. It will get easier, lean on your friends now for support.
P

AntsMarching Mon 10-Nov-14 12:07:27

Sorry about the random P.

AWholeLottaNosy Mon 10-Nov-14 12:09:10

I am sorry to hear what's happened to you, it's so hard and you feel like it will never get better. I spent days barely unable to get out of bed last time it happened to me. But in time I slowly began to feel better.

I really recommend this book, Paul McKenna, 'I can mend your Broken Heart', really helped me.

Look after yourself, try something new, see friends, don't take it personally and know that you will feel better eventually. thanks to you.

innerstrength100 Mon 10-Nov-14 12:10:41

Not discounting finding another man, not at all, and yes I do know what you mean that this can really help. Have actually already had (very cursory) browse on a dating site. In desperation. But it is really just because I need to know that there are other nice honest men out there.

Very very vulnerable at the moment.

SinglePringle Mon 10-Nov-14 12:11:36

Delete all texts and emails AND his number. It really does help that you can't sit and scroll through all the funny / romantic / hot conversations you had. Also, you feel strong for doing the actual deleting so its a double whammy of recovery.

innerstrength100 Mon 10-Nov-14 12:12:18

Yes I've got the Paul McKenna book. And about six other books. blush

annieOct14 Mon 10-Nov-14 12:34:18

If you are looking at dating sites then peek at this one www.yoursinglemumsndadsdate.com

Wish you well.

I really did go on to meet someone better.

innerstrength100 Mon 10-Nov-14 13:38:00

Ok. I have just managed to delete all texts from him. I stupidly read them all first so now really upset again, and just CANNOT understand how he can go from so so full of love for me to this.

There is no way I can totally delete his number, but I have removed his photo icon from his contact number, so his name now just has one of those blank heads instead. sad sad

SandyJ2014 Mon 10-Nov-14 14:21:15

flowers

Time. That's a healer. It may be many many years, but it will happen.

Being gentle on yourself and realising it's ok for this to hurt, and that it may hurt for a while. Life goes through ups and downs. You're on a down. It may last a while but it will get better. Don't be bitter.

Exercise and eating well. This always works wonders in any bad situation. Keep it up and your self esteem will rocket. An exciting new project: learn to sail or ski/tango dunno... anything... but something that you could meet new people via.

I've been through this. I'm sure many of us have. It's so so hard. Chin up x

innerstrength100 Mon 10-Nov-14 15:50:37

I can't cope if I feel like this for many years. I am not bitter, just so so broken hearted. Feel panicked at the thought of being without my rock.

BettyNettle Mon 10-Nov-14 16:27:22

Distract yourself, fill your time with new hobbies, friends, dates (just for the sake of some company and distraction), second job, planning travels, learning new skills.

Anything to occupy your mind a bit.

Be strong, let him go. It will hurt for a few months, but it will get better if you give it time. Don't give in to instant gratification by texting him, seeing him or taking him back, because you will just prolong the hurt.

I would also recommend chucking out those boxes, make a ritual of it.

Good luck, so many people have been there and gotten through it.

I wish I had done the dating after a broken heart. I think it is a very good cure (just don't land yourself a rebound boyfriend!!)

BettyNettle Mon 10-Nov-14 16:30:22

Don't try to understand why he did this. Don't even go there. Your focus should be away from him and all thoughts about him.

Wishing you all the best for this

I think you are on the way to recovery alread because you are asking this. The hardest hit is behind you!

BettyNettle Mon 10-Nov-14 16:30:35

Hardest Bit.

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