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Erectile Dysfunction - do we have hope?

(6 Posts)
Anyone1234 Mon 10-Nov-14 10:15:49

Following on from previous threads about what the problem was why my BF didn't want sex with me, he admitted this weekend he is having trouble getting it up and it's nothing to do with me!!! He says he loves me and wants to have sex!

He says he doesn't know why but it's just not happening and it's a mental block that's causing it... Maybe the fact we didn't have sex during my pregnancy (his choice) and now he feels pressure to preform!

We spoke at length about this and I mentioned the total lack of any type of intimacy I.e kissing/cuddles etc and he says he knows he has been lazy and promises to make a effort!

We have agreed to take sex off the agenda for now and just concentrate on the cuddles etc in bed and hopefully that will progress into sex with no pressure!

He says that he finds me attractive and this morning when I dressed and bent over in my kickers he got horny (totally wrong time 2 kids were in bedroom with us) and this morning we had a cuddle in bed and he did get a erection that he pointed out to me!

So am I right in thinking this is good? The fact he can actually get a erection and hopefully if we just take it slow and take away the pressure it will just progress on its own?

MonkeyRisotto Mon 10-Nov-14 10:59:07

I've been through this, and yes the fact that he's getting erections "spontaneously" is a good sign. The fact that he's getting them when there's no expectation of sex is also a sign that it's the pressure to perform that's affecting him.

There are some leaflets available here: shsc.nhs.uk/service-a-z/porterbrook-clinic/leaflets/ which may be of help to you

Myearhurts Mon 10-Nov-14 11:17:58

Sounds to me that taking the pressure off is the right thing to do for both of you.

Joysmum Mon 10-Nov-14 11:21:38

I agree, taking sex completely off the agenda seems to be having an affect.

To me, they'd be no hope if there was a burying his head in the sand scenario and communication had broke down. Wanting to try to work together to get through this is the key. There's no hope when there's no communication or he doesn't want to change the situation.

Things are going better for you both, even without professional help so you've got more things you can try if needed.

ZanyMobster Mon 10-Nov-14 13:13:45

This could have been me writing this, my Dcs issue is generally caused by stress and anxiety which he has counselling for. He struggles under pressure as he worries about whether he is able to perform etc so it makes things worse.

I think you are doing the right thing and the fact he does get spontaneous erections is a good thing as without the pressure he will probably relax and hopefully things will get back to normal.

Anyone1234 Mon 10-Nov-14 13:48:12

Thank you for your replies, I was hoping this morning erection was in fact a good sign and not just because he has woken up with one! Even cuddles in bed this morning was a huge step in the right direction considering all intimacy had gone since my pregnancy! It was clear this morning that it was just quick cuddles in bed before I got up to sort kids for school run so there was no pressure for it to turn into anything else! I think part of the problem since the baby arrived was it was like " quick baby askeep, older kids at there dads and due back in half hour so let's quickly have sex" it wasn't spontaneous and wasn't natural!

We did have a long chat yesterday and even went for long walk down river and carried on talking and both agreed no sex or mention of it now but we will both make a effort to spend a little more time together just for a cuddle etc and hopefully it won't be long before those cuddles progress on there own to something more

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