Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Tinder and lying married/engaged men

(25 Posts)
Denton2406 Sun 09-Nov-14 13:24:35

So, I got involved with a guy last year who I met in a club and started an emotional relationship with, he told me he was about to leave his wife, but this never actually happened and I found out through FB that she was actually pregnant and had been the whole time. It was more emotional than physical, and I went through a really difficult time when he suddenly blocked me. Started to feel better earlier this year and went on various dating sites, including Tinder!! Big mistake!! Is it me or are there 100s of married men on there? Couple of months ago got chatting to a lovely guy, promised he was single, said he had a 2 year old boy but had split with the mother of his child, chatted loads, supported same footie team, loads in common, we didn't meet up as he didn't live too close, but used to send me pics day and night of himself, in bed, in bath ( not total naked ones tho lol) which went on for abt 6 wks. Then he suddenly stopped contacting me, I found him on FB as he told me he played for a rugby team near Peterborough which led me to find out his surname online, and have just found out he is still engaged to mother of his child and she had a baby girl 2 days ago as they have posted a family selfie of the four of them lying in bed!! How did he get away with sending me all those pics in the evenings from his bed and bath, when she was in the same house and 7 months preggers?? Totally disillusioned in guys and don't know who I can trust anymore!! Is the world full of liars??

Why on earth would you be interested in a guy who sends you photos like that anyway?It's obvious he only has one thing on his mind

Denton2406 Sun 09-Nov-14 13:40:16

Very true, he probably did only have one thing on his mind, pics were on snapchat which is an app for sending pics tho and loads of people use it. It's not really the fact that I am interested in him, I'm not, it's just the deceit that gets me, and how do you know who anybody really is these days? I should hv perhaps pushed to meet up with him and then I would hv found out.

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Sun 09-Nov-14 13:44:50

So you picked a bloke that hadn't left his wife but was apparently just about to. Then some creep who's just into sending pics.
Yes. They're arses, but you need to look at your own decisions here. Take some time alone and work in your standards and boundaries.

DollStar Sun 09-Nov-14 13:49:37

Don't go on Tinder. At all!

hugefatso Sun 09-Nov-14 13:51:50

Mummy you're being a bit harsh here! The OP was interested in someone she thought she had things in common with and who told her he was single. Ostensibly I don't see anything wrong wih that.

Him being a lying twat is another thing entirely.

OP I am Sorry this has happened and I complete agree there are married/attached liars on sites like this. I think you would be better off using the higher subscription sites like eharmony.

Denton2406 Sun 09-Nov-14 13:52:33

Thanks mymummy, you may have a point!! Just where do you meet decent guys these days!?

Denton2406 Sun 09-Nov-14 13:55:22

Hugefatso......thanks too, yeh he insisted he was single and we had loads of good chats, so who was I to think he was a liar, really feel sorry for the mother of his newborn baby!

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Sun 09-Nov-14 14:48:17

Online dating does work for some people. But online or unreal life the same care must be taken.
Tinder isn't a dating app, it's a hook up app.
I met my now dp years ago at school things through our children. We were both still married then. Absolutely nothing then and there though, obviously. A few years and our divorces later we went through a phase of bumping into each other many times. It went from there.

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Sun 09-Nov-14 14:48:31

In real life.

SelfLoathing Sun 09-Nov-14 14:50:38

Tinder isn't a dating app, it's a hook up app.

^ This. Absolutely.

Denton2406 Sun 09-Nov-14 15:03:16

I know people who have met partners through Tinder so it does work for some. Just amazes me how many married men are on there tho, especially if it's a hook up app.

itwillgetbettersoon Sun 09-Nov-14 15:04:08

Well I've met some very nice men on tinder - it certainly isn't just a hook up site or full of married men. Like real life you have to take care, meet up for drink within 2 weeks, don't waste your time texting someone who lives too far away to meet either. Two of my friends are currently in relationships of more than five months with tinder men.

I certainly wouldn't be the texting someone who sent dodgy photos when I've not even met them. Just why would you do that?

Denton2406 Sun 09-Nov-14 15:50:36

They weren't dodgy photos, just pics of his face and chest, I wldnt really say there was much wrong in that, but each to their own I guess.

niceupthedance Sun 09-Nov-14 16:01:42

I haven't found tinder to be just for hook ups, two dates I met were sincerely hunting for a relationship. But like any site there are people also just looking to get laid.

I think you need to be a bit more tuned into who may be not being honest. As pp said, living far away, just wanting sex chat, I even steer clear of anyone who hasn't written anything in their bio - I find they are usually after one thing.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sun 09-Nov-14 16:06:52

Plenty of tinder profiles I have looked at have been about wanting a relationship and are guys who are obviously not just looking for a fuck. I think tinder is now like pof, ie loads of chancres who want a fuck or some sexting but also people who are relatively normal and would like to date. It's just the nature of OD that some will be married or attached, as you have no 'references' or back story there is no way to weed them out I don't think.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sun 09-Nov-14 16:07:31

Chancres! I meant to write chancers but chancres is good

wickedwitchofwaterloo Sun 09-Nov-14 16:11:13

I feel like people are being a bit hard on the OP! How is it her fault that she happened upon two cretins? Her own standards and boundaries are totally irrelevant, they were creeps. Just because she viewed a few pics via Snapchat, does not mean she is in any way to blame how they turned out.

WildBillfemale Sun 09-Nov-14 17:31:10

exchanging pics/text/chat isn't real. If someone you've had a few chats with is guarded about meeting up asap don't bother they probably have something to hide.

Denton2406 Sun 09-Nov-14 19:52:03

Thanks all, yeah, I wasn't looking for criticism really, just pointing out that even someone who seemed genuine ended up being a lying git, and you read more and more similar stories nowadays. Guess the answer is to meet up ASAP so you can get a better idea. I've also found pof to be dodgy on occasion, I guess you get people looking for hook ups popping up everywhere, not just on tinder.

Thanks wickedwitch!! Totally agree smile

Wrapdress Sun 09-Nov-14 20:09:07

A lot of married men on Match, too.

Denton2406 Tue 11-Nov-14 12:30:19

Yeah I think they get everywhere. I kind of feel tempted to anonymously message his partner so that she knows what a sleazeball he is, as I don't think he should be allowed to get away with it!!

wickedwitchofwaterloo Wed 12-Nov-14 22:11:50

No worries Denton smile

Louboutin37 Thu 13-Nov-14 13:26:58

I came across a lot of married men when in was OLd, I told them to get themselves over to Ashley Madison where they belonged.

One guy had my email address (I never used to give out my number at first) and still emails me to this day. I don't reply, and this is 4 years on from me giving him my details.

So sad, I can picture him sat there just spamming a load of women on email for kicks to see who is bored enough to reply

Denton2406 Thu 13-Nov-14 21:43:49

Oh my god, 4 years later, how sad!! Their poor wives, if only they knew...

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now