Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Being a better girlfriend?

(15 Posts)
muchtooshy Sun 09-Nov-14 13:19:31

Not something my boyfriend has asked me to do and he hasn't criticised at all.

I moved in this weekend into his house. First time living with a boyfriend! I have stayed there most weekends and for a week at a time a few times but he always spoils me. He is used to living alone so he does the washing and ironing and enjoys cooking. I think I have cooked twice!

I don't want to take advantage and I want to pull my weight but I don't know how to approach it. He seems to like looking after me so I don't want to offend him. We both work but different hours. I do day shifts and he does a day and night shift rota.

It sometimes was a bit awkward for me when he would cook the meal after he had been at work all day but he doesn't seem to mind it and always says he likes to cook for me. Just now that we are living together I don't know if that should change.

He just does these lovely things for me and I want to do the same for him. He is really good at picking up little treats for me (books / flowers etc) but he has more expensive hobbies like PS3 games and we are supposed to be on a budget now.

Does a relationship change when you start living together? I just don't want to take over or be lazy.

worserevived Sun 09-Nov-14 13:28:01

Living with someone for the first time is always an adjustment, and the best way to navigate the pitfalls is by open communication. Talk to him. Tell him what you've told us, and organise how you are going to split household chores and bills in advance. That way no one falls into the trap of doing everything, or paying for everything, and getting resentful.

He won't be offended by you raising this, and the novelty of doing everything for you will wear of fairly quickly anyway.

Vivacia Sun 09-Nov-14 13:40:16

I think the relationship does change. You go from guest to, er, dweller. It's good manners to cook for a guest, but now you're his partner it's only right and fair that you want to treat him sometimes.

I think you need to talk to him about how important it is for you to be an equal partner and to look after him as much as he looks after you. Of course the majority of this will be the boring stuff - hoovering, cleaning the bathroom, emptying and cleaning the kitchen bin.

A wider issue is that you've moved in to his home. What happens, longer term, with things such as decorating and organising furniture? What are the financial arrangements?

something2say Sun 09-Nov-14 18:33:17

Yes I hope you are saving your own money..... I think that you will both establish your own routine together and start to mesh as to who does what. I have lived with two men now and we soon realised who liked doing what....I enjoyed living with men. I currently live along but my partner still helps out at my place and vice versa.... enjoy it!! And congratulations.

WhatsGoingOnEh Sun 09-Nov-14 18:36:25

Congratulations..? What for?

OP, I think you're sweet to consider all this but in my experience, what people love most is appreciation. So say thank you a lot, show your appreciation in other ways (boasting about him etc) and nothing says ILY like a blow job. :D

something2say Sun 09-Nov-14 18:41:35

Congratulations for taking a big step and moving in with someone?
Meanwhile do we thank people with sexual acts?

Tinks42 Sun 09-Nov-14 18:42:36

He does lots then OP, youve moved into his space and he still does it all, forgive me for thinking he's less than perfect. I have a little niggle about this in that he's a bit controlling. It's his house so he does everything still, errr. Where does equality and sharing happen? Killing you kindly comes to mind.

Speak to him and say you need to have a balance and share duties, not be put on a pedestal that you can easily be knocked off at his discretion.

Tinks42 Sun 09-Nov-14 18:44:19

Oh and thanking him with sexual acts is NOT it!!!!!! what a stupid thing to say.

Frogisatwat Sun 09-Nov-14 20:50:38

Nothing says I love you like a blow job?
Fucking grow up!

pictish Sun 09-Nov-14 20:53:52

Nothing says I love you like a blowjob. hmm
Actually saying "I love you" does.

Mrsgrumble Sun 09-Nov-14 21:01:35

Er.. Ignoring the blow job advice (ahem)

You do need the place to feel your own. I will take time but I would put my own bit of a stamp on it.
The evenings he works late, you cook. Clean as you go type of thing.

Buy a new duvet or whatever

He sounds lovely, so just enjoy it.

decisionmadfinal Sun 09-Nov-14 21:13:16

i think the blow job advice is hysterical!

oh god frogisatwat i needed a good laugh tonight thanks

Frogisatwat Mon 10-Nov-14 17:47:58

It wasn't me!! blush

decisionmadfinal Tue 11-Nov-14 23:34:38

frogisatwat it's how you said it LOL

Coupled with your name LOL

Frogisatwat Wed 12-Nov-14 07:09:28

wink

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now