Dh and I have been together 3 years. I'm 32 weeks pregnant with our second baby.
He works full time and has also been picking up the slack around the house as my SPD is crippling. I can manage to look after ds (1 year old) during the day by having everything in the lounge ready for the day. But lifting, carrying, even reaching the floor to pick things up, is getting beyond me. Luckily ds is very laid back and easy. So we get through the days.
I'm struggling a bit with my identity. I've never been girly but I've always been elegant. And now I'm not. Not being able to walk means I've put on weight (not enormous amounts, well within normal, but I don't feel like me). I like to stride about and now I can barely shuffle. I'm frustrated. I'm in pain all the time. My back's gone too.
But it's not forever.
Dh is wonderful and lovely and tells me I'm beautiful. But his words don't match his actions and I'm missing the intimacy. Sex is difficult but not impossible. PIV isn't the only option anyway.
Last night we had a couple round for dinner for our first social engagement in 3 months. I got all dressed up (making a change from wearing what I can manage to get into) and felt attractive for the first time in a long time.
Dh complimented me, but when we were alone and I initiated things, well... He undressed me like a carer would, made me comfortable, and nothing more.
My issue isn't really with him. He's clearly struggling with the situation. He's working hard. It's my own vanity that is the problem. I want him to want me. He loved me being pregnant with ds, found it sexy, so I know it's not being pregnant. It's being this... Useless.
This isn't forever. We've talked and he says he wants me as much as ever. But words and actions don't match. He doesn't have to find me attractive.
But I want to stomp my feet (if I could) and shout, "but I thought I looked good last night!"
How do I not feel so upset that he doesn't want me right now for whatever reason? How do I stop being so bloody self- obsessed?
He loves me. I love him. Why do I need him to want me?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I want him to want me.
WantYouToWantMe · 09/11/2014 09:28
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