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5 years since MN told me H was abusive

(19 Posts)
Birra Sat 08-Nov-14 19:29:48

And I'm still not out of it.
How have I not been stronger?

I know some of the reasons, but what a waste. 5 years!

I will be moving into my old (tiny) flat in the new year with ds.
And then have to insist that the family home is sold.
Then deal with the fallout, or let the solicitors deal with it.
What a hateful, vile man.

Birra Sat 08-Nov-14 19:30:36

I've just found my first posts on MN.
That's what's triggered this

Only1scoop Sat 08-Nov-14 19:31:32

Oh Birra so sorry....but glad you are not investing more time with him if its over....onward and upward....thanks

Birra Sat 08-Nov-14 19:33:06

We have been separated for a year, but still in the same house
Still subject to his bollocks

fusspot66 Sat 08-Nov-14 19:33:12

But you're doing it now.
Well done. You're so courageous.

RandomMess Sat 08-Nov-14 19:33:56

Be positive, you are going, you have made plans, you have clawed your way up and out flowers

Safmellow Sat 08-Nov-14 19:44:02

Most important thing is that you have made positive plans for the future. The past is gone and you can't change it. At least when you look back you can tell yourself you gave it every possible chance and won't be thinking 'what if?' for the rest of your life. Well done for making it out, lots of women don't.

Only1scoop Sat 08-Nov-14 19:44:55

Must have been hard to be in same house....hmm

Birra Sat 08-Nov-14 20:46:43

Even after all the crap I've been through, I think that the worst is yet to come. sad
Actually I'm not sad in the slightest. Scared though.
Yes it's been hateful to be in the same house, thankfully he's not home a lot. Not sure what hmm is for?

oneowlgirl Sun 09-Nov-14 01:54:11

Well done & all the best for a brighter future.

Tinks42 Sun 09-Nov-14 02:02:39

How long its taken you is immaterial so don't beat yourself up at all about it. The main thing is you're getting out of it now. Fear is very normal in these situations. Just keep calm and stick to your plan. Do you have support in real life?

BOFster Sun 09-Nov-14 02:08:24

The worst is not to come, I can say with a reasonable degree of certainty. If you are anything like me and hundreds of others on MN, the sheer relief and weight off your shoulders which comes from getting out of that toxic situation will fill you with an energy and lightness you never knew you could feel, and you will be able to power through any unpleasantness he throws at you.

It's important you get some support though: lean on your family and friends in real life if you are able to, and come here for cheerleading whenever you need it.

You are stronger than you think.

Bogeyface Sun 09-Nov-14 03:10:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface Sun 09-Nov-14 03:11:34

Crap, sorry. Posted on the wrong thread. Have reported blush

Stealthpolarbear Sun 09-Nov-14 07:53:45

Op lots of people on the mn app get the hmm face mixed up with the sad face. It's started happening all over. Just wanted to let you know as otherwise that post looks awful!

Birra Sun 09-Nov-14 07:58:49

I figured it was a mistake, thanks Stealth.

Only1scoop Sun 09-Nov-14 08:13:43

Oh Birra I am on my phone on App I'm so sorry. Thanks Stealth yes obviously a mistake.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 09-Nov-14 08:43:11

Everyone's situation is a little different and everyone has to do things at the pace they can cope with. You are neither worse nor better than a woman who left immediately - she is a different person in different circumstances. You got out of the relationship and very soon you will be out of the house too, that's all that matters.

The legal stuff won't be any fun at all, that's pretty much guaranteed, but you won't be under the same roof as a deeply unpleasant person and that will really help.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Sun 09-Nov-14 08:53:38

Birra, it was 5 years for me too.

Don't feel shame for that. We both tried to make things work.

This is why I get so annoyed when people talk about divorce and say things like, "that's the problem with this generation! First sign of trouble and they run."

We didn't, we tried to make it work. It wasn't our fault we were dealing with abusive men.

I am now years down the line and very happy smile

Don't regret the time gone. Some of us take longer. But soon you will be free and will never have that dark cloud of a man in your life. Distance yourself as much as you can. Keep all talk to arrangements for dc. My one regret is bending over backwards for contact to take place. It's been so much nicer with a proper court order.

Be kind to yourself.

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