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Relationship counselling....

(7 Posts)
Only1scoop Sat 08-Nov-14 19:28:58

I actually feel there are so many issues going on in my relationship with Dp I wouldn't even know where to begin....

Anyone have any ideas.... we have looked at counselling and seeing a 'relationship psychologist' huge difference in price but willing to invest some cash if it spurs us on.

An hour a week I feel would barely scratch the surface.

Any words of wisdom gratefully appreciated.

LiviaEmpressoftheUniverse Sat 08-Nov-14 21:43:55

I'd begin with the word suggested by 'P' of 'DP'. Partner, not husband. So send him packing. Save yourself a fortune.

Why do you want to stay together?

Only1scoop Sat 08-Nov-14 21:54:34

We have a dd together....we both feel its worth a final shot.

Very confused with all the different types of counselling on offer.

dadwood Sat 08-Nov-14 23:30:55

If there is any physical abuse or controlling or bullying in the relationship then joint counselling is not recommended, you would need separate counselling.

dadwood Sat 08-Nov-14 23:34:07

And physical or emotional abuse in relationships are a sign you should separate.

wifeontherun Sun 09-Nov-14 10:34:24

Being a bit of a connoisseur of relationship counselling I have a few suggestions. Avoid relate. Depending on whether you need 'counselling' or 'therapy' are the issues 'niggles' or huge. What are you levels of motivation/commitment? Is this something you are both equally committed to working on and making real and lasting changes?
There probably is no perfect counsellor. A psychologist will be more trained to doctoral level and will have a background of psychology. Their fees will of course reflect this but this is no guarantee that they will be a better practioner for your couple. The most useful therapy we had was from a psychodynamic psychotherapist. The emphasis was on the dynamic between us. For e.g.: He lies? The focus was not only on why he feels the need to lie but what about HER contributes to creating the feeling that he has to lie? I think successful counselling has to be a deeper level - notHER: 'on tuesday he went to the pub and he knew I wanted him to be home' HIM:'well your unpleasantness made me want to go the pub' etc but more interested in why questions. Anyway I would look for a psychotherapist, UKCP registered or a psychodynamic practioner psychologist. If you're in London i would recommend or even worth having a look
I must confess that 4 lots of counselling over 18 years still means my husband is a raging narcacist and I can't continue being married to him. We have been separated for about 3 months but we are still going to the therapy as a working relationship is still necessary as we have 3 small children.

Only1scoop Sun 09-Nov-14 13:09:52

Wifeontherun....sorry if I'm being insensitive.... but I've just chuckled at your name....

Wow great post.... you have just hit the nail on the head with how our 'discussions' go and we hadn't looked at Psychodynamic side of therapy but now intend to do so. Unfortunately we aren't in London but will search and see what comes up....

We also tried Relate a few years ago and it wasn't really my thing and didn't find it beneficial....this last shot was dp idea and we have both agreed to avoid Relate.

We need to find someone whose dynamic we can both get along with as dp certainly wasn't the most receptive when we tried it before.

Our problems are mainly niggles....not helped by a couple of huge issues from past which I admit I struggle to get past....not affairs I hasten to add.

Sorry to hear things didn't work out....I guess in a strange way if this isn't working after a final try ill have some relief mixed in with the sadness....and whilst certainly being open minded about this.... I'm not expecting miracles....

Thanks again.

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