I'm going to try to be as objective as possible with this because I don't want to cloud this by saying who I am in the scenario, just want some detached opinions, hope that's okay. I am a regular but namechanged (penis beaker, gluezilla, pombears etc).
'Rick' and 'Karen' have been married for 12 years. They have two DD's, ages 9 and 7. They live in a small town in the midlands and work in connected roles (for the same big company but in different departments). They are both in their early to mid 40s.
Six years into the marriage, Rick nearly cheated on Karen. He 'crossed the line' with another colleague 'Laura' (in another department to both of them) but the contact between them was nipped in the bud before it became an affair. There was a kiss and some inappropriate messaging etc but Laura's DP found out about it and confronted Rick and it ended. Karen found out and for a while there was some doubt as to whether the marriage would survive, but it did.
There years after that, Karen suspected again that Rick was cheating, this time with another colleague, Melissa. Karen confronted Melissa and it turned out she was wrong, there was nothing going on. The suspicion was borne out of Melissa being out of the office at the same time as Rick and neither of them being contactable on their mobiles. Karen accepted she was wrong and maybe hadn't accepted Rick had changed from three years before but they moved on. Nothing changed between them and it was all just swept under the carpet.
In the years since then, Karen hasn't had any reason to suspect Rick of cheating and the marriage has been good. She has been what some people may describe as 'controlling' of Rick, in restricting who he sees socially/where he goes without her, but this has got less so to some degree over time.
Two weeks ago, Rick went AWOL for the day again. As far as Karen was aware, he was at work but none of his work colleagues knew where he was and hadn't heard from him. Rick later told Karen he was ill so stayed home for the day, but no one at work was aware of this. Karen suspected (and still suspects) that there is more to this but has no reason (other than history) to account for this so hasn't accused Rick directly.
Perhaps pertinent, is the fact that Rick is by nature quite flirty and so could be accused of being overly friendly when there's nothing going in. Also, Karen has very low self esteem and is deeply unhappy with her body, with her weight creeping up post DD's being born. Rick has never said anything to make Karen think he doesn't find her attractive, but this is a view she struggles with.
Do you think Karen is right to suspect Rick, or should he be given the benefit of the doubt? Since he hasn't cheated since the Louise incident six years ago should Karen accept this was a 'blip' and try to move past it, or continue looking for clues Rick will do it again (do leopards ever change their spots?)?
Any other comments or opinions welcome, and thank you for them in advance.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Can I have some objective opinions on this? History of and suspected possible current cheating.
PollyNC · 08/11/2014 16:03
I would find it odd as hell that anyone would take a day off sick and not tell their spouse or employer 
regardless of any past transgression!
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.