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In law problems!!

(28 Posts)
blondenessie888 Sat 08-Nov-14 13:44:24

Currently living with my in laws while we save up for a place.

Both MIL and FIL driving me crazy! MIL especially sees me as a threat and has said some truly horrible things in the past. Including asking my OH 'who has done more for you, who has been around longer?' Referring to me. And telling me to my face she didn't care if I moved out and wanted my OH to stay.

She is very clingy and likes to play the victim. Does a lot of loud crying in very obvious places (i.e outside our bedroom door) and starts screaming matches regularly with anyone close by.

FIL makes comments on my spending habits (buying the occasional thing off eBay) and made comments when I bought myself a car on finance to get myself to work as my old one packed up!

Very frustrating. Got another year of this before we can even think of moving out. Can't leave any earlier. Need a bit of advice on how to get through the next 12 months...confusedconfused

1FluffyJumper Sat 08-Nov-14 13:50:45

Move out. End of. Alone or together. What does your other half say about it...cos if he isn't on board, good time to move on anyhow?

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Sat 08-Nov-14 13:56:36

Be an adult and move out then.

Chottie Sat 08-Nov-14 13:57:48

Move out and keep your sanity.

blondenessie888 Sat 08-Nov-14 13:59:27

He is on board - just don't want to rent as we're in an expensive area. Going to buy just going to be another year before we have enough for a deposit.

LIZS Sat 08-Nov-14 14:00:37

Are you both working ? If so why can you not move out ? It is their home in the end although the sniping is unpleasant may be they would prefer you to move on . What does OH do when they comment .

Bogeyface Sat 08-Nov-14 14:01:41

When you say he is on board do you mean that he defends you to his parents? Tells them to butt out of your business?

Look, you may not want to rent but thats life, we dont always get what we want. Move out, rent and take longer to save up or stay there, damage your relationship and your sanity.

Your choice.

rookiemater Sat 08-Nov-14 14:04:39

You need to move out sooner rather than later. As your ILs are currently subsidising you, to some extent your FIL is entitled to make remarks about what you spend - perhaps he's as keen for you to jog on as you are, and doesn't want unnecessary e-bay purchases to slow you down.

Your MIL does sound a bit unhinged, but again if you're not there, you'll see a lot less of her.

Just move to rented and accept it's going to be a lot longer before you buy your own place. Either that or living with it means you spend a lot of time in the room that they are kindly letting you stay in.

blondenessie888 Sat 08-Nov-14 14:05:21

He does tell them to mind their own and he is in my corner which is great. I am paying rent to them. Am I the one being unreasonable?

rookiemater Sat 08-Nov-14 14:07:12

If you're paying rent to them then why not just rent privately? Or is it that you are paying a lot less than the going rate? Could you rent a room in a house share at a similar amount - might be a lot more acceptable for everyone?

LIZS Sat 08-Nov-14 14:09:10

Nothing will change if you stay put. Sounds as if things are rather convenient for OH, has he ever lived away ?

blondenessie888 Sat 08-Nov-14 14:09:17

They get about £600 a month from both of us which is a lot less than it would be anywhere else. A house share would be a good option - just a bit daunting on my own!

Littlef00t Sat 08-Nov-14 14:10:08

Could you look at lodging with strangers or renting a room?

scarletforya Sat 08-Nov-14 14:10:36

It's their house. What do you expect?

Yes the other sounds a nightmare but you sound naïve to expect to stay there if she has a problem with you.

scarletforya Sat 08-Nov-14 14:11:23

The Mother, not the other.

1FluffyJumper Sat 08-Nov-14 14:12:46

They sound like idiots but you are making the choice to stay.

blondenessie888 Sat 08-Nov-14 14:15:27

Ok so I could make more of an effort to move out. But what exactly have I done to warrant this treatment from her? I understand it's their house but I don't see that as an excuse...

rookiemater Sat 08-Nov-14 14:19:24

Look your MIL does sound a bit unhinged, but the best thing to do with craziness is disengage, not move in so that you're there all the time.

To be honest you are showing a bit of a lack of self awareness too. I love my parents but we drive each other batty if we spend more than 48 hrs in each other's company. You need to act like an adult and find your own place to live.

LIZS Sat 08-Nov-14 14:21:06

Maybe you did or said something at some point that upset her or maybe not . It doesn't really matter now but you can take some control back by moving out. Also consider whether you want to be associated with these people longer term. How much of your income is £600, could you economise elsewhere ?

scarletforya Sat 08-Nov-14 14:21:43

You might not have done anything. Not all people in life are rational/reasonable. Don't expect them to be!

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Sat 08-Nov-14 14:23:18

How would we know? All we have is your side which consists of you complaining yet happy to take their hospitality.

MeMyselfAnd1 Sat 08-Nov-14 14:30:46

How long have you been there? They may be as tired (and exasperated) of having a full house.

You are complaining your FIL complains about your expenses, but what can you expect if you can put monthly money towards a car but not to move out of their house more quickly?

It seems to me that there is no point of psychoanalising them. You have overstayed your welcome.

If you want to be treated as adults, rent your own place as most adults, who have no money for house deposits,do

thisisnow Sat 08-Nov-14 15:17:23

I'm in the same predicament but I have to say my PIL are really nice and don't comment on my spending. (I buy a lot of clothes!)

I tend to hide away upstairs a lot. It's annoying but I console myself as it won't be forever!

Mumraathenoisylion Sat 08-Nov-14 15:21:36

So you're paying £1200 in total to live there? Where are you that you can't rent a 1 bed flat for that?

shushpenfold Sat 08-Nov-14 15:24:28

Mum I think she means £600 total, not £1200 total.

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