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help me LTB

(7 Posts)
guyfawk Fri 07-Nov-14 20:52:36

Everyone has a final straw. Well I've just had mine and now I need some practical and motivational support to LTB.

For context, FP (fucking partner) and I have 1 child and a house. Not married, house is TiC, I earn reasonably well and could certainly support my and dc. I am aware I'm fortunate.

I've had legal advice which is go through mediation with regard to dc/house. Fine, happy to do that. But in the meantime do I move out into rented (it is so damaging to dc living in this environment) but then he has not incentive to sell and I wouldn't put it past him to put buyers off.

I need my share of equity, and my name off the mortgage to be able to move on. And there are very few rental properties in the area.

But I don't know how much longer I can live under the same roof. But I worry about dc being with him without me there to cuddle/reassure them (he can be vile, tonight he punctured all dcs birthday balloons because I bought them)

I have the grip. Someone please tell me how to use it.

43percentburnt Fri 07-Nov-14 21:24:16

Evening. Are you financially able to buy him out of the house? Ie using savings or through borrowing on a mortgage? Can he buy you out?

Does he want to split up?

You say he is vile and mention the balloons, what other vile things does he do? How is he with the children?

guyfawk Fri 07-Nov-14 21:28:57

No, I can't buy him out but he could buy me out.

He doesn't want to split up.

He has a temper, thinks nothing of calling me a fucking bitch in front of kids or just breaking my/their things. I'm not worried he'd be physically violent to them, I'm worried about emotional damage. But then if we were apart he just might be a great dad.

hamptoncourt Fri 07-Nov-14 22:24:17

"he just might be a great dad."

I fucking doubt it!!! OP you sound worn down with this and I don't think you are seeing things clearly. What sort of father destroys his kids stuff like that?

What does your solicitor advise you to do? All the time you stay there you are being emotionally controlled by him (and so are your poor DC). LIfe is too short. You will get your money eventually.

I would move out and only communicate via sols. To be honest I would probably move far far away but that may be impossible for you workwise.

Don't tell him what you are doing, you will give him the chance to scupper it. Quietly make your plans and move out asap. Once you are away hopefully you will find your next steps a bit easier.

Best of luck. thanks

bunchoffives Fri 07-Nov-14 22:57:04

If you can afford to rent while waiting for the house sale and half the equity then I'd move out asap. It's a living nightmare trying to stay when you've split up otherwise and very bad as you say for your DC to live in such tension (as well as you of course).

Just go OP if you can and sort out the finances afterwards.

guyfawk Sat 08-Nov-14 20:23:10

Thank you. Yes I am utterly worn down by it all. You're both right, I just need to move out- the money can wait.

gamerchick Sat 08-Nov-14 20:26:26

Please leave.. you are both building the blocks for your babies mental well being as an adult right this minute. You don't want to see what happens when you can't turn back time later on.

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