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Is this a MIL red flag?

(56 Posts)
hugefatso Fri 07-Nov-14 20:36:05

Am late, late preg and DC1 is imminent. MIL called DH and asked him what we'd decided on for the name. DH said we hadn't told anyone and wanted it to be a surprise. (I don't really care either way, but for DH it's important no one knows til the birth.)

MIL hung up the phone. DH tried to call her back, she didn't answer. Three days passed. Now she's texting him saying that she cannot believe he would keep a secret from her and that they "have always had a policy of no secrets." After saying her piece, she is not talking to him/us again.

Longtalljosie Fri 07-Nov-14 20:38:52

It's a test of your boundaries. Don't back round. The arrival of a first grandchild can do very funny things to some people...

DuelingFanjo Fri 07-Nov-14 20:39:01

At least DH is not siding with her. I would ignore it but, yes, presumably she is turning a bit nuts.

RaisingMen Fri 07-Nov-14 20:39:06

Leave her with it! What a bitch - your days away from giving birth and she's guilt tripping you because you won't tell her the name? Stamp this out now, it will only get worse if you don't.

Longtalljosie Fri 07-Nov-14 20:39:12

Back down even blush

RaisingMen Fri 07-Nov-14 20:39:21


bauhausfan Fri 07-Nov-14 20:39:52

She is certainly trying it on, the cheeky mare. Your DH is good for not giving in to her. Prepare yourself for worse once the child comes.

farendofafart Fri 07-Nov-14 20:40:54

Haha! I think that's a little more serious than a red flag!

blanketyblank100 Fri 07-Nov-14 20:41:28

Don't think red flag is an appropriate term. Obviously she's being difficult and will probably go on being difficult and manipulative. You'll have to ignore her huffs - she can't be allowed to go on like that and get what she wants in such a way. Your DH will have to get used to saying, 'Things have changed, Mum!'. How could she not have noticed that he's married now and there will be things the two of you (/three of you) have just for yourselves. Perhaps she's over-excited about the baby arriving and felt relegated to a back seat before things have even got going properly. Kind but firm.

hugefatso Fri 07-Nov-14 20:52:37

You are right about boundaries...

I am counting my blessings that DH is annoyed with her and sees what she is doing

Just unsettles me that she is doing this and causing problems at this point! If we need her for anything at all, we need support, not game playing.

Ohfourfoxache Fri 07-Nov-14 21:04:30

The fact that she is not talking to him/you AGAIN says it all really.

Sounds like she tries to throw tantrums to get what she wants.

For the love of God don't back down. Is this your first dc? You need to keep your boundaries strong and in place.

Anniegetyourgun Fri 07-Nov-14 21:07:02

If offending her causes three days of silence, I'd call that a result, wouldn't you?

HumphreyCobbler Fri 07-Nov-14 21:08:44

How miserable of her to pick a fight at a time like this though. Sorry you have an annoying MIL OP.

BloodyDogHairs Fri 07-Nov-14 21:10:55

If this is how she is behaving now, god help you when the baby arrives!

MaryWestmacott Fri 07-Nov-14 21:13:25

Ignore her strop. She's obviously used to this sort of behaviour working, and also used to being the main 'mum' in the family. that's all about to change.

BogStandardOldWoman Fri 07-Nov-14 21:15:11

I agree - it's a result. No nonsense whilst you go through the last few days, no constant calling to see if there's 'any news?!' Good for you both at being a team. Good luck with the birth!

Seriouslyffs Fri 07-Nov-14 21:17:16

It was attention seeking to say you'd chosen but weren't telling anyone though.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 07-Nov-14 21:21:19

I note that she has decided to not talk to you again. Do not resume contact.

Ignore her ill mannered and nasty posturing; bad behaviour like this should never ever be rewarded as it will make her worse. Such people were likely not emotionally healthy people to begin with and these problems tend to properly surface around the birth of the first grandchild.

If she cannot or will not behave at all decently then she gets to see none of you.

Boundaries must be maintained by you both as is presenting a united front and particularly so after the birth of your child. His mother will likely continue to try and impose her will over you all as a family unit.

ZingOfSeven Fri 07-Nov-14 21:29:29

do not give in to nosy & demanding MIL's sulking. not now, not ever.

I agree with your DH. he wants to keep it a secret, not unlike thousands of other parents and that is absolutely his and your choice.
(a stroppy, passive/agressive MIL is no fun, buckle up my sweet, looks like a tough ride)

good luck with impeding birth - how exciting! smile

oh and you should tell us the name. or we won't post anymore!wink grin

Meerka Fri 07-Nov-14 21:34:17

hmm, it sounds like she comes with an agenda.

I'd be wary of asking her support a bit. People who flounce tend to be a pain in the arse and as you say, now is not the time!

The great thign is that your DH is clearly standing with you not her.

You say "not talking to us again"... so hmm, this is a pattern. Sounds like she is big on her own role, not focussing on you, the baby and your husband ... this is your time.

Given that, maybe let her flounce for a while and then after the baby is born, whne you are both ready, contact her.

DeckSwabber Fri 07-Nov-14 21:41:50

I'd have just told her you haven't decided.

Catsmamma Fri 07-Nov-14 21:45:48

i'd have got him to tell her something random, she can brag to all her friends about knowing and let it slip

and then you call the baby your original choice and deny all knowledge of ever telling her a thing.

...fight fire with fire!

NickiFury Fri 07-Nov-14 21:49:09

Is this the first time she's behaved like this or is it regular thing? Personally I can't understand the drama about not revealing the name or the gender etc but fully support it is the parents right to choose.

Thrholidaysarecoming Fri 07-Nov-14 21:49:43

Don't ever ask her for anything. It will come with strings. I learned the hard way!

Mil tormented me while I was pregnant it was a massive struggle. She is a grown woman if she wants to throw an attention seeking strop - let her. Don't feed it.

WineWineWine Fri 07-Nov-14 22:03:45

Sulky cow!
I would completely ignore her and enjoy your pregnancy.
For me, it would be a blessing. She will come round.

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