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I need some sense slapped into me! Re: ex contact

(5 Posts)
burblefiretwixt Fri 07-Nov-14 17:15:48

I had a brief relationship with a guy I met in spring this year which ended last month. It was a whirlwind romance. On some levels we got on extremely well, could talk for hours and seemingly had lots in common. When it was going well, it was fantastic. However, there was also alot things wrong with the relationship - he showed signs of being quite manipulative, jealous and controlling (in that he got upset if I went out without him or didn't tell him where I was going, would boast about sex with previous partners etc).

Anyway, we split up. I felt really sad for a couple of weeks, crying most nights and missing his company and support etc.

I've had a couple of difficult weeks. Both myself and my young DD have suffered horrible colds (my DD also went through about 4 nights of vomiting all night which made me extremely sleep deprived). It made me feel lonely and reminded me how much having a supportive partner is something I would really love.

I've been having difficulties with my DD's dad too - since August he has hardly seen DD, cancelling his access days dramatically and often at late notice. His maintenance payments have been going down by about £70 a month. I've confronted him about this alot but this week he finally admitted that he is now seeing someone else in another city and that is why he has not been able to see DD that often because he has been spending all his free time and money going up to see this new girlfriend. Even though I don't have any feelings towards my DD's dad it still made me feel abit shit because I am on my own. All of my friends (2 of whom were long term singletons like me) have all now got lovely boyfriends and even though I a genuinely happy for them, I do get pangs of jealously when I hear of their nice nights in cuddled up in from of the TV or fun stuff they do at the weekends etc.

ANYWAY, this week I was feeling particularly lonely and was missing my most recent ex. So I texted him to see how he was etc. He texted back straight away saying he is fine and how nice it was to hear from me. He said that he had been thinking only the day before that he was thinking of texting me. We chatted later that day on the phone for about an hour and a half and we just seemed to get on so well. It made me really happy to talk to him. During that phone call he told me he still loved me and missed me. We agreed to meet up for a coffee over the weekend.

I went out today to meet a friend. I told her that I had spoken to this ex and her immediate reaction was "NO WAY, you really shouldn't do that. Remember all the crap he put you through. You deserve better then that!" etc etc. I think I had been thinking about my ex in rose tinted glasses but actually there was a lot of shitty stuff that I would bounce off my friends. In fact, I know for a fact that all of my friends who know me well would be seriously unimpressed with me if I went back with him. My friend suggested I try online dating. I was thinking about that this week, went on one them and TBH found it all rather depressing.

But I'm still tempted by my ex though. I think if I did meet up with him over the weekend I might end up copping off with him at the very least.

I sort of know that it would not be the right thing to do. But right now, I just feel so lonely and really want affection and love.

Sorry this is so long, but well done for getting this far! My friend definitely let me know what she thinks (but being a good friend she said that if I did go back with him she would support me) but would like mnetters thoughts too.

Jan45 Fri 07-Nov-14 17:23:50

You know you will be back at square one again in a few weeks months so you already know it's not the right thing to do.

Stick with the OD, it takes a while and you have to wade through the wasters but there are genuine people there too.

flapjackattack Fri 07-Nov-14 17:27:35

* slap* never go back. You made that decision for a good reason.
Yes, it sucks to feel lonesome but this would leave you feeling (by the sound of it) manipulated and hurt to boot.
Better feeling a bit lonesome and working on feeling good about yourself. You deserve to feel good OP

Ihatechoosingausername Fri 07-Nov-14 21:31:26

Don't do it to yourself. Stay strong! flowers

MissRueful Sat 08-Nov-14 10:52:25

Love and give affection to yourself. You know it makes sense. ;)

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