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Orgasmless sex

(49 Posts)
StirredNotShaken Fri 07-Nov-14 12:20:14

Is this normal?! I am in a relationship with a lovely man, all is fine and dandy and we are very attracted to one another, however the last few times we have had sex neither of us has 'finished'. Is this normal? We both enjoy one another and I have no complaints as such but it is getting a little frustrating now and I have mentioned it, in a jokey way. I think we are both tired half way through :-) He is very 'perky' so it is not lack of libido. Anyone had this situation and what did you do?

cheerupandhaveaglassofwine Fri 07-Nov-14 12:24:33

Probably tiredness, there could be any number of reasons really and the only way you will find out is by talking about it

You must know your reasons, unless it was simply his tiredness that didn't keep things going long enough to get you there

KoalaKoo Fri 07-Nov-14 14:36:09

Does sound like tiredness. Or is there any possibility you are dtd becaise you both think you should be instead of because you both really want to?
Fwiw there is a position i can offer my dp in this situation which will always sllow him to finish.

flanjabelle Fri 07-Nov-14 14:40:55

Any alcohol involved?

spence82 Fri 07-Nov-14 15:23:19

I was gonna say is alcohol involved. Without being too personal I find it hard to 'finish' if ive had a few drinks

Joe3578 Sat 08-Nov-14 11:39:59

Been there myself with an ex. Take the pressure off and just enjoy the process without worrying the end. Orgasm isn't everything. Plus, you can be creative: there are other ways to climax than penetrative sex.

Sex should be about relaxing and enjoying.

StirredNotShaken Sat 08-Nov-14 18:25:42

Thank you all, oddly, we are enjoying it regardless and I do think tiredness plays a large part. We have often been out for dinner, shared a bottle or wine or been to a party/function of some sort so yes, alcohol plays a definite part but not in the morning! Orgasm is not the main aim of sex for me (and seemingly him) but it is a rather nice cherry on the icing now and then!
Koalakoo we are definitely having sex because we want to....it's still early days in our relationship and as we cannot meet up regularly because of distance and our personal obligations (I have children and he has his own business and runs a sports club) it is always exciting and never an obligation. I don't want to make it a big deal but it is getting frustrating.

Joe3578 Sat 08-Nov-14 18:30:10

Glad you're enjoying! It did get me down when I was going through some depression (I think the meds I was on made it harder for me to climax). Sexual enjoyment and functioning can be affected by so many things.

LineRunner Sat 08-Nov-14 18:33:30

So this is happening by even during sober, relaxed, morning sex?

farendofafart Sat 08-Nov-14 18:39:32

Koalakoo - what's the position?

StirredNotShaken Sat 08-Nov-14 18:59:00

Yes Linerunner, every time in recent weeks. I actually think I am more put out by it than he is. Don;t get me wrong, it is not the be all and end all but now that the times we don't far outweigh the times we do it's starting to get me down bit.

Joe3578 Sat 08-Nov-14 19:02:59

Toys can help.

debka Sat 08-Nov-14 19:04:50

Are either of you on any medication? ADs can have this effect.

StirredNotShaken Sat 08-Nov-14 19:05:29

Joe3578 - I'd be too embarrassed to use toys blush

LineRunner Sat 08-Nov-14 19:08:47

I think you need to tell and show each other what you like.

Joe3578 Sat 08-Nov-14 19:09:27

Yeah, it's not for everybody, but did work for my ex and I in that it took the pressure off and added a new dimension. Sex is pretty embarrassing generally I think lol!

StirredNotShaken Sat 08-Nov-14 19:14:21

I love it, all the messy, sweaty, unpredictability of it, We can be slow and languid or passionate and frantic. I feel totally relaxed and comfortable with him which is why it feels like we deserve an orgasm or two!

Joe3578 Sat 08-Nov-14 19:18:32

It's so much better when you can let go and be totally relaxed I remember being told that I made funny noises and faces - which made me so self-conscious lol.blush Just couldn't relax with her then. The moment you become self-conscious or start thinking about it, that's it.

TwentyBore Sat 08-Nov-14 19:21:30

Wait until the children are in bed. Have relaxing warm bath together by candle light. Lots of bubble bath. Wash each other all over...

Pre-warm the bed with electric blanket. Have fan heater in the bedroom as it is November. Towel on the bed, sprayed with perfume, lie on it. Incense stick for the atmosphere. Have DH give you a sensual massage by candle light, all over, and everywhere. Hurry not any of these stages. Then...once relaxed...make love...slowly.

Orgasm.

Joe3578 Sat 08-Nov-14 19:24:56

Anxiety is the enemy of sex I think. It's like painting, singing, dancing or anything like that. The moment you start thinking about it, you tense up and it doesn't flow.

StirredNotShaken Sat 08-Nov-14 19:28:03

TwentyBore - he is not my DH, I am widowed so he is a new partner and we don't live together. It's a four hour round trip to see each other so I have to organise childcare so that we can be together either here or at his (he has no children). That is why there is alway s a time restriction. Wherever we are, hotel, my house, his house I have to get back to get my children back him. We cannot do a weekend as he has a business to run and I struggle with childcare as there is no absent father and really no one to have my youngest for the weekend, dd is 16 so not so much of a problem.

Joe3578 Sat 08-Nov-14 19:51:53

Forgive me, but all that sounds quite stressful and pressured. Could all that not have an effect?

StirredNotShaken Sat 08-Nov-14 21:35:32

Joe3578 yes I guess it would be a factor which is a shame because we are so relaxed together other than for the time restrictions
.

Joe3578 Sat 08-Nov-14 21:58:24

Relaxation is key. Tricky for a lot of us these days though I know.

StirredNotShaken Sat 08-Nov-14 22:01:14

I think you are right Joe, we need a weekend away with time and a large bed smile

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