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35 weeks pregnant husband has another woman. ..

(11 Posts)
America1 Fri 07-Nov-14 03:16:35

Hi
just after some advice please re joint mortgage....divorce etc. Just found out today he wants to move in with her into a rented flat....worried he'll stop giving me money towards bills!

Sickoffrozen Fri 07-Nov-14 07:53:20

Hi, sorry you are having to go through this when almost ready to have your baby. It must have come as a terrible shock to you.thanks

Are you in the US or UK? If UK and debts and house are joint then your are equally liable for the whole debt so he has a responsibility to pay half. If he doesn't and you default then he could receive a default or court judgement against his name meaning he won't get credit easily again.

As you are married, you are also entitled to half of any equity (starting point, could be a greater share) and a claim on any pension etc if he has one and greater than yours.

If you are worried about the debt side of things, often it is best to call the lender, explain your situation and see if they will let you take a payment holiday or just pay interest for a period.

Good luck with the baby x

Rantymop Fri 07-Nov-14 08:31:58

Christ, what an arsehole.

See a solicitor. I know that's easier said than done at 35 weeks, but you need some proper legal advice.

He will have to pay maintainance for the baby anyway.

Get some legal advice and look after yourself. The ow has it herself quite a catch there hasn't she.

Saraswati Fri 07-Nov-14 09:23:33

Hi America1,

I'm in the same position as you, 33 weeks and split up with my husband 3 weeks ago. He said he didn't feel the same about me but I suspect there is another woman.

Call the bank and freeze your joint account asap, I didn't do this and there is now a huge overdraft I am jointly liable for, however I will worry about that later. Before you do it take any money out of the account that you can and put it in your own account, if you don't have one open one asap. We didn't have a mortgage so I'm afraid I can't advise you on that. We were living in rented, tenancy in his name, and he's already given notice on the house. I am staying with my mum now who is very supportive. We own all the furniture in the house and I think we will sell it and split the money, I'm letting him take responsibility for this even though I don't trust him, its not worth much money anyway and I'm not dealing with the hassle of it.

I saw a solicitor this week which was very helpful. A lot of solicitors will give you a free half an hour of advice so go and see one asap it won't cost you anything. Mine was excellent and spent nearly an hour talking to me.

He will owe you child maintenance from when the baby is born, he doesn't have to give you anything beforehand unfortunately. My solicitor advised me he would have to pay me spousal maintenance because on maternity pay and after that ends I will be unable to support myself and having a small child means the court can't say you have to work so he has to cover the shortfall (our plan was for me to be a SAHM so my contract at work is ending when I leave for maternity and I'll only get maternity allowance).

Her advice to me was file for divorce asap (court fees of about �400) and apply for interim maintenance while the finances are being discussed. A divorce will take 4-6 months but the interim payments could be awarded sooner. I could also claim my costs from him. She also said I could be awarded a lump sum from him as he has not given me anything towards baby equipment which I have purchased myself.

Child maintenance and spousal maintenance are separate, child maintenance is dealt with by the CMA and the court will deal with spousal maintenance and I think I'm right in saying that child maintenance is not considered part of my income as thats for the child. Check out the child maintenance calculator online if you know what he earns and it'll tell you how much he'll have to give you. Also check out the benefits calculators online too, I'm about to apply for tax credits etc. because you can do that before your circumstances change (i.e before I leave work to have my baby) so i can hopefully get that bit sorted before it arrives. There is also child benefit which you will get if you earn under �50,000pa. My next step is to go to citizens advice and ask if I've applied for all the benefits i'm entitled to as I'm trying to get this sorted before the baby arrives, but its difficult as I'm still commuting and working so my days are very long.

So basically I'm really sorry to hear you are in the same situation as me, its absolutely shit and I feel like my world has just crashed down around me and I know you must be feeling the same. However seeing a solicitor the other day made me feel really empowered so I would advise you do this asap. I'm supposed to be meeting up with my husband next week to discuss everything, if he shows up, I'm armed with a lot of information so that he can't walk all over me.

Keep posting, it'll be good to have someone to talk to in the same situation!

Windywinston Fri 07-Nov-14 09:24:35

First of all thanks for you, I'm so sorry you're going through this, what a shitty husband you have.

Make sure you look after yourself and keep you and baby safe and well. Then get a SHL as soon as possible to make sure you get everything you're entitled too. Do not feel any guilt over taking him for everything you can, he deserves it.

Windywinston Fri 07-Nov-14 09:28:42

Sorry, also go NC and don't show him any vulnerability if you can help it. If it makes you feel any better, OW is now landed with the kind of partner who cheats on and deserts his wife when she's pregnant and he is landed with a woman who apparently is devoid of morals. They're not very good prizes now are they? You deserve better, and one day you'll get better.

America1 Fri 07-Nov-14 09:46:08

Thank you all for the support and advice. Im on phone now to get best solicitor. I have spd bad on crutches so im hoping they will offer me advice over phone. I know I cant start divorce until married a year but that's next month. Not long.
Sara whereabouts in uk are you?

Windywinston Fri 07-Nov-14 10:46:42

Oh sweetheart, I suffered with SPD and it's just awful, without all this too. I'm sure a sol will help you over the phone

Saraswati Fri 07-Nov-14 11:40:14

America1 yes you have to wait until you've been married a year. My solicitor said if you file for unreasonable behaviour rather than adultery its better, you only have to give 5 counts of behaviour you find unreasonable, which could be anything really and don't have to provide evidence like text messages or anything and its rarely defended if you use mild examples just tog et it through. It sounds like its fairly simple, all the forms are online so take a look. I've printed it all off to go through this weekend. If my husband doesn't agree to meet me next week I'm just going to file anyway. I can't afford to wait around.

I'm in south east, commuting distance of London, don't want to out myself too much by saying exactly where. Where abouts are you? PM me if you would like to chat more privately. Hope you can get a solicitor on the phone today. I agree with the above, stay strong or go NC, you deserve better and all that is left now to do is get as much out of him as you can for you and your child, thats my plan smile

America1 Fri 07-Nov-14 12:25:02

New to site how do I pm you?

Saraswati Fri 07-Nov-14 12:59:08

I've messaged you, it should appear in your inbox, top right of the screen

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