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How much contact is normal 11 dates in?!

(100 Posts)
knowledgeispower Thu 06-Nov-14 18:44:46

This might sound like a ridiculous question. .. because it probably is!

So... I started online dating at the beginning of September and went on a few dates and the third one I met I started dating regularly. Its been two months since our first date. He works Monday - Friday 9-5 and I work part time and study so we both have busy lives.

At the start most of the contact was initiated by him and he would ask about a good time to call etc in the evening or making suggestions for dates. The majority of our contact was via email in the evening with maybe one call per week between dates at the weekend.

So the weekend just gone I was busy with friends and he had a family thing to go to so we didn't see each other. We haven't spoken on the phone at all for nearly two weeks. Email contact has been regular but we have both been busy. There have been no arrangements made for the next two weekends as he may have a friends birthday night out to go to either this Saturday or the next. Anyway he said we could amend plans at the last minute last week.

I really don't know what I'm asking but does this sound normal? Should I mention this weekend this evening when he contacts me? I could be making plans to do something with friends and feel like I'm just hanging on although not appearing needy.

Surely I shouldn't be over thinking things at this early stage?! Maybe the problem is mine?

pompodd Thu 06-Nov-14 18:47:59

I'm not sure what you're asking. Doesn't really matter whether it's "normal" or not (whatever that is). Are you happy with this frequency or would you like to change it? Would you like to see him this weekend? If so, why not say so?

Twinklestein Thu 06-Nov-14 18:51:31

It's odd.

knowledgeispower Thu 06-Nov-14 18:51:37

Yes I'm happy with the frequency of the dates just not the mid week contact. He has been really ill this week and continued to work so I guess that's the reason he hasn't suggested calling.

I guess you are right, I should just ask him this evening what his plans are for the weekend. grin

knowledgeispower Thu 06-Nov-14 18:52:49

Please elaborate Twinklestein

pompodd Thu 06-Nov-14 18:55:13

Why is it odd, Twinklestein? They only see each other at weekends anyway, contact midweek is by email and maybe a call once a week between dates. He has been ill this week but working nevertheless. And they're only a couple of months in!

No oddness that I can see hmm

Handywoman Thu 06-Nov-14 18:56:07

I would say this relationship is more like a friendship tbh, of course it could develop further (nothing wrong with building up slow, starting with a friendship). If you aren't sure if this is what you want you should address it with him. Has it run its course do you think? When you are together is there 'chemistry'?

knowledgeispower Thu 06-Nov-14 18:58:08

This is definitely not a friendship. Yes, without going into details there is plenty of chemistry. He started staying over one night a week a few weekends ago if you catch my drift.

Diagonally Thu 06-Nov-14 19:19:08

I like to have regular phone calls between dates (say every 2-3 days at least) so what you have described wouldn't be enough for me after 2 months. But that's just my personal opinion - some might find that too much at this stage. What matters is how you feel and what works for you. Have you suggested phone calls or are you leaving it to him to suggest?

Are either of you able to date during the week or are you fitting round DC?

Handywoman Thu 06-Nov-14 19:24:21

I think if you have DTD this is a very small amount of contact.

Do you not feel you can just call him? I find that strange after 2 months.

knowledgeispower Thu 06-Nov-14 19:34:34

Its all a bit complicated as he lives in the middle of nowhere and the signal is so bad he has to go up a hill to call which was never a problem a few weeks back as the weather was okay in the evenings. I have been to his house and can never get a signal hence the emailing/whats app. He lives with his parents which is another issue as he is saving for a deposit. I'm 34, hes 31.

Mid week dates are not important at this stage as we are both so busy in the week and he lives a good 40 minutes away. Plus I have a dd to work around. They have not met and I wouldn't introduce a partner to her at this early stage.

knowledgeispower Thu 06-Nov-14 19:36:34

I haven't suggested calls this past two weeks as he has been ill and had a lot going on at work.

I was talking yo a good friend and she thinks hes taking me for granted.

Mumraathenoisylion Thu 06-Nov-14 19:38:21

Have you been to his house?

AnyFucker Thu 06-Nov-14 19:40:24

I call married

FruitCakey Thu 06-Nov-14 19:42:30

I think this is odd too, I am afraid. confused

antimatter Thu 06-Nov-14 19:44:23

OP you said you've been to his house.

Does that mean you met his parents?

AnyFucker Thu 06-Nov-14 19:44:40

Look love, someone who works 9 to 5 and lives with parents is not "too busy" to call you

Mumraathenoisylion Thu 06-Nov-14 19:46:34

No I don't think married, I do think not ready to settle down though and probably 'dating' a few.

Have you read 'he's just not that into you'? I would just leave him to it and find someone who will call you...

velvetspoon Thu 06-Nov-14 19:47:32

I don't think there's any hard and fast rule. I've been with my bf for over 6 months and we've spoken on the phone probably less than 10 times in total (and then only brief calls to make arrangements or say we were running late or something). I've seen him at least twice a week since we met though, to me spending time together regularly is more important than him texting me every 5 mins. During the week on average we probably text/email a couple of times, but that's it. In previous relationships that wouldn't have seemed enough, but because I've always known where I stood with him right from our first couple of dates I've never had to worry over whether there was enough contact etc.

Piffpaffpoff Thu 06-Nov-14 19:47:47

I'm afraid I'm with AnyFucker on this - DH and I lived 30 miles apart when we first started going out (and we're talking pre-mobiles here)and we only saw each other at the weekend. 2 months in, we were talking on the phone every night, unless one of us was out and we'd usually try and speak during the day if that was the case (or he would phone at 2am to drunkenly tell me how much he loved me - I miss those calls, they were funny). Anyway, I'm not saying you should be doing every night calls because everyone's different, but something just doesn't sound right. Sorry.

TheJiminyConjecture Thu 06-Nov-14 19:47:59

Have you had the exclusive chat yet? He may well be seeing other people at this early stage

LineRunner Thu 06-Nov-14 19:50:34

Did his staying at yours and sleeping with you only just slightly precede his 'busy' phase?

It does sound as if he is a bit detached.

Tinks42 Thu 06-Nov-14 19:53:24

Married and separated at the moment is a huge possibility, hence him being at his parents. I say he's not that bothered anymore whatever the reason. Things should be becoming more frequent now not going the other way. Only emailing for two weeks depicts him looking elsewhere OP , old or new.

knowledgeispower Thu 06-Nov-14 19:53:25

No I think he's very into me that's not the problem. We did have a discussion about exclusive dating so knowing him I really doubt he is seeing anyone else. I do trust him in that respect. He removed his online dating profile before I deleted mine and well before we slept with each other.

Yeah I've been to his house but his parents were out. He is definitely not married.

I honestly think I have given him the impression I'm not wanting to get into anything serious too soon.

It's not that hes too busy to call, I just feel he thinks it would be unwelcome from my angle. Lack of communication is a big problem here.

velvetspoon Thu 06-Nov-14 19:54:32

The fact they don't speak on the phone every night isn't the issue.

I think it's mire that they WERE talking regularly by phone, and now they aren't. That coupled with not seeing each other for a few weeks could suggest he's lost interest. Then again he might just have been busy/ill/ a bit thoughtless.

I'd suggest calling him, or offering a time when he can call you, and see what happens. If he calls, then explain how you feel. If he dodges the call, that's probably your answer.

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