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Is Being Liked Incredibly Important to You?

(59 Posts)
BaconAndAvocado Thu 06-Nov-14 12:03:12

It's come to my notice that a work colleague doesn't like me.

I really don't like him either but the insecure idiot in me can't seem to deal with someone not liking me.

How weird is that?

I know I need to man up.......help!

Tia

Vivacia Thu 06-Nov-14 12:07:53

It's not important to me at all, apart from I struggle if I feel that somebody I really respect doesn't like me. Can't think of an example at the moment, but I know it's happened in the past.

HoneyNutBunny Thu 06-Nov-14 12:08:10

I don't think that's weird, it would be more so if you didn't give a hoot. We all want affirmation and validation that we are "nice" people.

Do you have to work closely with this person?

Vivacia Thu 06-Nov-14 12:08:48

I really don't like him either...

Ok, that is strange.

Do you value his opinion? Do you think he's a good judge of character?

HoneyNutBunny Thu 06-Nov-14 12:21:01

The only time I have met a man I instantly disliked and he appeared to dislike me, the actual truth was we fancied each other! Twas fun though.

BaconAndAvocado Thu 06-Nov-14 12:24:52

vivacia no I don't value his opinion and I certainly don't respect him! that's why I can't rationalise why I'm feeling this way!

I want to think, Sod him! He's a prat! But I can't seem to do that and it would be easier if he liked ^ me^ !

God, I sound like a 12 year old. Am I having a mid-life crisis?

HoneyNutBunny Thu 06-Nov-14 12:30:27

Yes but if he liked you he wouldn't be such a prat! He is obviously a prat because he fails to see the good in you. smile

LiviaDruscillaAugusta Thu 06-Nov-14 12:36:16

Honestly? No it doesn't bother me. I would put money on the fact that 99% of my work colleagues past and present haven't liked me.

I want to be respected for the job I do, the way I do it etc but whether people like me personally isn't something that is important to me. That goes for my personal life too.

It does save a lot of time for me in the long run and gives me one thing less to be concerned about!

TurnOverTheTv Thu 06-Nov-14 12:40:41

I find the older I get the less of a flying fuck about what other people think. I've got teenage girls and they care about every mortal thing. I'm sure it's totally emotionally draining for them smile

BaconAndAvocado Thu 06-Nov-14 17:23:02

turnover I wish I could adopt your mindset because it makes absolute sense.

New Mantra needed re No Giving a Flying Fuck.....any ideas?

BaconAndAvocado Thu 06-Nov-14 17:23:46

And thanks honey that also makes absolute sense smile

GoatsDoRoam Thu 06-Nov-14 17:30:02

Perhaps instead of thinking "sod him! he's a prat!", use the gentler "He is free to think what he wants, and so am I."?

I usually find it hard to actively dislike people (unless they have been actively and intentionally horrid to me). Maybe you do too? So perhaps just applying liberal amounts of acceptance to the situation might work better for you.

cafesociety Thu 06-Nov-14 17:31:36

No. Not now I'm much older. The feeling is usually mutual and I avoid that person as much as is humanly possible.

I've bent over backwards in the past to be liked/accepted. It hasn't worked. Won't ever bother again.

Purpleflamingos Thu 06-Nov-14 17:34:06

It's not important to me. I'm not thick skinned but I can shrug off someone not liking me. There's a lot more people I don't like.

GingerCuddleMonster Thu 06-Nov-14 17:35:11

nope not anymore, and I make it fairly obvious when I don't like someone more so of the feeling is mutual.

This includes just walking off when they try to talk to me, I don't waste any extra energy on people who don't like me I see no point.

Earsareconstantlyringing Thu 06-Nov-14 17:35:54

Oh Lord OP I hear you. I'm the same. I try so hard not to be and I genuinely don't understand why it bothers me, but hell, it does.

patronisingbitchinthewardrobe Thu 06-Nov-14 17:46:05

I've had to get used to it. I expect it now. Saves time and heartache.

Yarp Thu 06-Nov-14 18:01:56

I used to really worry about being liked, and try to convert people if I sensed they were underwhelmed by me. It is very liverating to not feel like that anymore.

I would probably avoid someone or keep interactions to a polite minimum in your situation.

I also wondered whether deep down you fancy him.

Yarp Thu 06-Nov-14 18:04:18

Liberating, even!

BaconAndAvocado Thu 06-Nov-14 20:42:43

Some top words of wisdom here, apart from the fancying him yarp grin

I like your way of thinking Goats although I don't think I'm chilled out enough to live by it!

I think just avoiding him is probably the best policy.

Sometimes he completely blanks me, even when I say Hello which is bloody annoying so I think I'll just try and pretend I haven't seen him - where possible!

TheLittleOneSaidRollOver Thu 06-Nov-14 21:30:13

You are thinking of him as a normal person. Clearly he is a weirdo. People generally like you but this one person does childish stuff like blanking you, so he is strange.

When he is off with you, don't be thinking "Oh god, he doesn't like me", be thinking "What a weird bloke, why is he doing <x>? Freaky."

This way of thinking has the added benefit of being something you can verbalise to your normal friends at work without sounding like a daft teenager.

For example, he blanks you when you say Hello. You see your mate a few minutes later and you say "Blimey, <bloke> is odd. I said 'hello' and he completely blanked me although he definitely heard me. How weird is that?".

Mintyy Thu 06-Nov-14 21:32:50

God no! Some random at work doesn't like you? Do not even give it this much thought <holds thumb and forefinger 0.25mm apart>

rumred Thu 06-Nov-14 21:38:29

my boss clearly dislikes me. it riles me as I think she is unreasonably harsh about some things. so it has quite a big impact on me. we have known each other many years. I know a very unpleasant secret about her and that has undoubtedly coloured my view of her. she knows I know too.

I have applied for other jobs but am stuck with it for now.

sorry, this thread struck a chord and reminded me how hard work is at present.

I too am looking for a method of detachment and better management of the situation. extreme niceness is a good option if you can do it

I hope you manage to get to grips with your situation

MistressDeeCee Thu 06-Nov-14 21:38:41

I think anyone would be uncomfortable if they knew they were disliked but how you handle it is the key. So what if this man doesn't like you? He doesn't have to. Nor do you have to like him. As long as his dislike doesn't affect your work then why even worry about it. My personal thoughts are that you tend to get to an age and stage in life where you naturally don't give a shit about these things. Just ignore it, no biggie you don't know him anyway, only via work

mamakoukla Thu 06-Nov-14 21:39:34

It's natural to appreciate being liked. The reality is we don't for whatever logical or illogical reasons like everybody we meet. I do expect to be treated with basic decency and politeness though.

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