Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

have you ever asked someone out?

(41 Posts)
zigazigah01 Wed 05-Nov-14 16:38:20

So... I met a guy through friends. I've been in his company a few times and there is something about him I really like.
Anyway I decided to ask him out - so I did (via facebook) and he said yes. All good. He is being proactive about organising the date- suggesting a date and a place so I don't think he is just humouring me. He also doesn't seem to play games - if I message him he pretty much messages me back straight away (except when he's at work obvs).

But you know how you see loads of advice that is "if a guy really likes you he will show you" and this is making me wonder if there is any point to all of this, because he didn't ask me out - I ended up taking the bull by the horns. Am I being silly? I suspect so.

I just have very low expectations of men and don't want to get all excitable about the whole thing and then be disappointed.

FelicityGubbins Wed 05-Nov-14 16:43:04

I asked my now DH out, and as we have been together 20 years it obviously worked! I wouldn't worry and just go date by date and see how things pan out smile

exexpat Wed 05-Nov-14 16:44:54

I did pretty much the same thing a few weeks ago, and it certainly doesn't seem to have been the wrong thing to do - he's a bit shy and was happy I made the first move, and we are now very much an item. This is the 21st century - I think grown-up women are allowed to ask men out these days. The messaging etc sounds like he's keen, so I really wouldn't worry.

Twinklestein Wed 05-Nov-14 16:45:24

Bollocks to advice. You asked him out he said yes, take it at face value.

Joysmum Wed 05-Nov-14 16:49:05

Why wouldn't you ask somebody out in these days of equality? confused

Chopsypie Wed 05-Nov-14 16:51:55

I asked my now DH out. He said he didn't ask me as he didn't think I was interested (although I was, very, and had flirted and hinted for fucking England)

zigazigah01 Wed 05-Nov-14 16:58:18

Joysmum - I didn't say I wouldn't ask him out - if you read my post I have already asked him.

I'm not really asking or making a point about gender roles, just a little worried I am keener on him than he is on me because I did the asking.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. At face value he is being very straightforward with me and obviously wants to at least go for a drink with me. I am used to men who mess me about and play little games of recent so it is refreshing.

MadeMan Wed 05-Nov-14 16:59:29

I think you asking him out is a sensible thing to do as you're interested and he's agreed so that's good. Why waste time waiting around and getting stressed out over his body language, signs and all that rubbish.

Asking someone out really is only asking them out somewhere to get to know them better, but maybe a lot of people think of it as like asking someone out when you're at school ; the "will you go out with me?" thing which basically meant "will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?"

BananaRaces Wed 05-Nov-14 17:00:30

I asked my now DH out. After all one of you has to make the first move and deal with all the nerves - it might as well be you!

If he'd asked you, then presumably he would be worrying about whether you were really all that keen on him...

It sounds to me as though you are reading too much into the whole thing and frightening yourself with things which aren't even an issue yet. Take it slow, so you don't panic, and see what happens.

slug Wed 05-Nov-14 17:00:41

DH would never have got up the courage to ask me out. It's just as well I wasn't as much of a coward as him.

zigazigah01 Wed 05-Nov-14 17:02:21

Well that is true - it's only a drink and really my intention is only to try and get to know him a little better - not been alone in his company and I want to see whether I do actually like him.

zigazigah01 Wed 05-Nov-14 17:03:30

BananaRaces - thank you. I am panicking a bit, probably!

EvansOvalPiesYumYum Wed 05-Nov-14 17:04:05

I asked my DP out - 28 yrs ago (we're still together).
He was very shy, and his response was "Oh, I was going to ask you the same thing"

JoysMum - not everyone always feels as confident as they would like. It's nice to give a bit of reassurance ...... on both sides. No need to be snippy

Zigazig - hope you have a lovely evening

MadeMan Wed 05-Nov-14 17:07:04

"(although I was, very, and had flirted and hinted for fucking England)"

I don't think it makes any difference sometimes how anyone acts, hints or flirts. I asked one particular woman out once and she turned me down flat which was fair enough, but I later found out that she did actually really like me; so her turning me down for a date made no sense to me at all. confused

Good job you did the asking though. smile

ConkerTime Wed 05-Nov-14 17:09:19

Yes. My DH (back in the 20th Century!)

Good luck OP.

(Even if this doesn't go anywhere don't let it put you off the idea of asking again in the future!)

MadeMan Wed 05-Nov-14 17:14:02

"back in the 20th Century!"

I remember those early primitive days before Apple invented fire, the wheel, and the iPhone.

Joysmum Wed 05-Nov-14 18:28:19

Sorry my post came across badly. blush

My point is, that blokes can have exactly the same doubts and lack of confidence we ladies do.

Good luck with this OP flowers

Arrowminta Wed 05-Nov-14 18:38:00

I did recently and I'm usually firmly of the 'he will ask it he wants camp'.

We met via a dating site and I liked him a felt some chemistry but then nadda. So I took the bull by the horns and sent a message to suggest he calls me if he fancies doing something we talked about.

I've seen him a few times since and it's really steamy. Think it's probably just for sex though smile

EvansOvalPiesYumYum Wed 05-Nov-14 21:31:15

Sorry my post came across badly
Aaah - easily done (me too, on several occasions) smile

Pinkwillow Wed 05-Nov-14 22:33:14

The only time that I ever asked anyone out (bored with waiting) resulted in me being married for 30 years smile Just do it. It was face-to-face though.

Hughfearnley Thu 06-Nov-14 08:08:09

I asked my now DH out. I had fancied him for ages and practically thrown myself at him smile
He maintains he would have got round to it eventually but was genuinely uncertain that I was interested shock
After me asking him out it was completely plain sailing!
Nothing wrong with having asked him out but If you get vibes fairly early on that he's not that interested then I would have a lower threshold than normal for walking away.

IAmACircle Thu 06-Nov-14 08:11:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loloftherings Thu 06-Nov-14 09:08:19

"If a guy likes you he will ask you out".

Or maybe he doesn't want to be rejected, ruin a friendship, cause offence, be tweeted about #everydaysexism, or many of the other thousands of insecurities that men and women have.
Or maybe he's sat there thinking "if a girl really likes you she'll ask you out".

zigazigah01 Thu 06-Nov-14 09:30:47

Joysmum - no problem, easy done.

Hughfearnley - well, so far he seems interested - is being proactive about organising the date and no messing about.

loloftherings - thanks for your input. Was just looking for a bit of reassurance, is all.

Joysmum Thu 06-Nov-14 09:39:56

Thank his you're not my DH Zig grin

Poor sod didn't know my past but worked out for himself that I needed to be the one to do the asking on anything major in our lives. I was the one to propose, suggest children, risk our savings on property developing etc etc

It sound like he's as into you as you are to him Zig by his actions so it doesn't matter about who started it. Actions speak louder than words as they say and that should reassure you.

Hoping you update with possible news after your date winkgrin

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now