Do I trust him?

[blondenessie888]

I am a young ambitious woman living in London with my future husband.

I love him to bits and our relationship is very easy - he doesn't hold me back from anything and supports me emotionally.

This may be due to my age but I can't stop worrying about what he might do to me. I would say I trust him but other things people have said make me worry. The men at work cheat on their girlfriends openly and brag about it telling me that 'all men are like this'.

Is this true? Do I really have no relationship to look forward to where my other half will not cheat at the first chance he gets.

The only warning signs at home are a few porn sites from time to time. But I'm told this is 'normal'.

I love my boyfriend and would be heartbroken if anything ever happened.

Words of advice please...

[JoanHickson]

I think it's half of all Men who cheat in studies. You may be lucky and get a faithful guy. What do people say about your bf?

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

Not everyone is a twat out to hurt you.

Sometimes people make mistakes and you get hurt (anyone close to you, not just boyfriends) but that doesn't mean they're malicious people only out to get you.

I like to think of myself as a kind, generous...nice person and I know I can't be the only one, so there has be good people about.

[blondenessie888]

They say he is a good guy, and I believe them. The silly thing is I have never been cheated on, but it happens all around me. His friends have cheated on their partners and from the way he talks about them he wouldn't do that to me. But then I don't know if that's just because he hasn't had the chance to yet. Does that make sense?

[Mammanat222]

Not all men are cheats, although men who trivialise and normalise it would have my radar flashing.

It's not "normal", it's not what "men do" and not "all men are like this"

[daisychainmail]

I've never been cheated on, and I trust my husband. Also not many of my colleagues/friends cheat. It's the age you are -- people are not ready to settle down so are chopping and changing. Real, permanent lives aren't exactly as you fear.

[Jan45]

Not all men are like that, and women cheat just as much as men, they're just better at hiding it, not bragging!

Don't ever compare yourselves to anyone else, go on how he treats you etc, trust him until or unless he gives you reason not to.

[Joysmum]

Blokes that cheat would say that to normalise their own behaviour, but no it's not normal in a happy committed relationship with a decent person.

[daisychainmail]

What I'm trying to say is it happens a lot more when you're young and is simply the way people move relationships often. Eventually people settle down. Then 40% (or whatever) get divorced! But it is no way that high in my circles. Stay away, and keep your man away, from the kind of guys you meet at work.

[blondenessie888]

My boyfriend doesn't trivialise it but other people around me do. Just confusing because they are the same age as him but seem to be at totally different stages in life? My man wants to settle down and have children which is fab as it's what I want within the next few years too. Am I being silly by worrying about this?

[daisychainmail]

You're right to have your eyes open, but don't worry that your bf will cheat. He sounds nice. It is upsetting to see it so widespread.

[blondenessie888]

Thanks everyone. That's the problem it is upsetting when it seems to be everywhere and it does make me worry over nothing.

[daisychainmail]

It is right to safeguard your relationship -- i.e. close down any flirty work friendships etc. / don't do things that might make each other feel devalued / don't go out alone to boozy flirty nights etc.

You do have to put each other clearly first, all of the time, to make a marriage work. It isn't always easy. It's good you're thinking about these things.

[blondenessie888]

I feel like we both do that which is great. I do feel an element of guilt as there are so many women being cheated on that don't deserve it while I seem to have picked a great guy.

[clenchthebuttocks]

My observations are that men get their relationship templates & attitudes towards women from their dads.
Does your future FIL regard your future MIL with respect?

[blondenessie888]

Yes I would say so - I can't see him ever cheating but then I wouldn't say I know them all that well.