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Staying out of duty and loyalty- how did you eventually leave?

(6 Posts)
Blackbamboo Wed 05-Nov-14 14:59:58

Just wondering..
if you left someone who adored and would be devastated by a split, but you but who you knew deep down wasn't right for you.
How did you wrestle with your conscience of causing so much pain to them and your children ( even if they were adults) when staying would have been bearable and even comfortable, but not what you really wanted?

GoatsDoRoam Wed 05-Nov-14 15:19:43

I was in a similar situation. I thought I would be wracked with guilt. In fact, almost the moment I ended it, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, and I just felt lightness, relief, and my happiness returned.

I hope it goes the same for you.

There is no sense forcing yourself to stay in a relationship that is not working for you: you are not doing the other person a kindness, and you are definitely doing yourself a violence.

hibernator Thu 06-Nov-14 16:08:27

In exactly the same situation as you blackbamboo. And agree with goats.

The hurt I will cause is immense.... but I can't live a lie anymore. My daughters are in their teens which makes the decision harder, as they have so much going on their lives, but I can't be miserable anymore, and let them witness me snapping at their dad 7 days a week - it's not fair on anyone.

I would imagine it will be easier to make a decision if your children are adults..... follow your heart, live honestly, and do what feels right smile

mrsdavidbowie Thu 06-Nov-14 16:44:43

Hear hear.

NotOneThingbutAnother Thu 06-Nov-14 18:57:11

Evening all. Me too. How did you do it Goats and how will you do it hibernator?

GoatsDoRoam Thu 06-Nov-14 23:55:25

"This relationship isn't working for me"

essentially.
Then NC as he got quite manipulative and clingy.

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