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The more things change, the more they stay the same

(14 Posts)
stitch10yearson Tue 04-Nov-14 22:17:28

'd'h rewriting history.

I first came on here back in 2004 and so much has changed, yet so much is still the same, just so much worse. mn has changed, the world around me has changed yet the crap i get from him is still the same. I am a different person, but the crap is still all the same. I know I can't change him. but why doesn't he change himself?

Joysmum Tue 04-Nov-14 22:24:12

Does he feel a need to or want to?

stitch10yearson Tue 04-Nov-14 22:27:22

he thinks its all my fault and i am to blame for everything. He likes being the victim in his head and refuses to try anything to make life better.

tbh, i think i started this thread because i am missing the companionship mn used to give me before fb came along, and all the other stuff.. nostalgia. Thank you for replying

Lweji Tue 04-Nov-14 22:30:41

You can only change yourself. Why do you put up with it?

Smilesandpiles Tue 04-Nov-14 22:34:26

So what are you going to do about it?

stitch10yearson Tue 04-Nov-14 22:50:14

i have changed so much. perhaps its the wine causing the nostalgia.

Pacificrum Tue 04-Nov-14 22:51:35

I have my own thread but this resonates so much with me. I think he things he's truly not done anything wrong so why should he change. That's what I've been told anyway.

Joysmum Tue 04-Nov-14 22:51:39

You've 2 choices, make a change yourself or accept things will never change.

stitch10yearson Wed 05-Nov-14 13:02:50

Joy, I have made so many changes. Please accept this.
Pacific, sad

stitch10yearson Wed 05-Nov-14 13:03:38

I am in a much much much better place than I was 10 years ago. But there is no magic wand, and the problems are still there. I just handle them better now.

Quitelikely Wed 05-Nov-14 13:11:09

What problems? What is your dp doing that upsets you

AYellowCreation Wed 05-Nov-14 13:38:25

Why are you still with him if your life has been crap for so long and he's the problem?

DuelingFanjo Wed 05-Nov-14 13:55:17

"Why are you still with him if your life has been crap for so long and he's the problem?"

because sometimes leaving is a really hard and difficult thing to do?
Because maybe there are children involved?
Maybe she will lose her home?

Have some compassion instead of telling her it's her fault for staying.

Lweji Wed 05-Nov-14 20:34:35

Asking why someone stays can be a way to help. It isn't necessarily criticism.
If the person does want to stay, fine.
If there are other practical reasons, but the person wants out, then perhaps we can help get away. Sometimes we think we are stuck, but there are ways out.

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