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Trust Ishooz

(7 Posts)
Pacificrum Tue 04-Nov-14 21:49:04

Evening,

I was hoping for some advice on rebuilding trust. No affairs that I'm aware of but lies he claims to avoid a massive row.

He's generally involved in family life and organising his work as much as he can around us but I have the full responsibility of childcare during the day and mostly at night having given up work.

I've been ill for about 2 years postpartum and at one point was so low I was admitted to a & e. He has no idea with how to deal with any of by health problems as some days I'm completely debilitated and furiously frustrated. Things have been so bad he's moved out several times as he can't deal with me an my anxieties around other women. He's a bit of a flirt and although has boundaries does live to play it up in front of other woman which annoys me as when we did go out that was out time together. I'm controlling apparently and create fictional situations too! I tries to explain the concept of gas lighting which is very kindly laughed at.

We have dealt with a world of shit which has been thrown at is over the years as it's taken it's toll, quite badly. I'm bitter and resentful of his life as a result and to him I make his life hell and he gets nothing out of this. (Heat of the moment he claims - but I do love you) he says he wants nothing more than to save out relationship but then still won't listen to what I say when I clearly explain what he's doing it upsetting me.

He is also master of minimisation so it's hard to take him as face value which he feel is deeply insulting as it questions his integrity.

How do we break this cycle of mistrust anger and accusation is my question really as I don't want to LTB as he does all the cooking and they'll like on Pom Bears, Froot Shoot and Greggs with me sad. (Lighthearted)

My health problems make clear and rational though hard these days so I'm not sure who is the biggest instigator of our spect actually rows. He's the shouty one, I tell him he is shouting to bully me into submission which aggravates the matter. I've also snooped which made him furious. Nothing exciting. He's checked out in so many ways I've wondered of there is OW but no evidence of this other than our diabolical situation. We have a teenager and two under three, teen is a nightmare and they fight constantly and baby is a night owl and has a few extra needs.

So there you have it I've gone from a shining beacon of happiness to a disgusting mess with a child birth ravaged body that makes me ashamed to wear anything but a tent, yrs sounds superficial and I've always been comfortable in my myself but my confidence and self esteem died and buried itself some time ago. Failing health doesn't help.

Any of you kind people able to advise?

Thank you

YouAreMyRain Tue 04-Nov-14 21:52:51

What do you get out of this relationship? Why do you want to save it?

Pacificrum Tue 04-Nov-14 21:55:33

Good question. Not much right now. He's made me feel inadequate as a woman and as a mother so it's pretty bleak but we have agrees one last go.

YouAreMyRain Tue 04-Nov-14 21:59:39

Do you want to give it one last go or are you doing it out of a sense of duty? If your hearts not in it, it's a waste of time.

Pacificrum Tue 04-Nov-14 22:02:28

Don't think his heart is in it unfortunately. He says he wants to but is now having a semi drunk moan at me asking what he was doing in a popular social network (previous messages to a women when I was away with work) he swears innocent she pulled him up so she knew lines has been crossed etc I've tries to move past but three years on still very wary. He's tried to prove he's knuckled down hence his fury when I am so wary.

YouAreMyRain Tue 04-Nov-14 22:12:31

He has abused your trust. He should be accepting of your suspicions and doing whatever it takes to rebuild the trust.

His fury at your wariness would have me packing his bags.

Pacificrum Tue 04-Nov-14 22:49:06

I don't want him to go. Not yet anyway.

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