Feeling a bit low today. Divorce forms ready to go tomorrow.
Yesterday's EA DH cornered me in to 'discussing' where we're at whilst the kids were still up. Fair play, I have retreated from him for two months now after he kicked off again. I know it's not fair on him but it's the only way I have been able to detach from his emotional roller coaster to gain strength to act. Also much as he says he's 'not secretive' (ahem), I figured that I should find out as much as I could about our finances before daring to do what he'd never think I'd dare do.
Anyway, yesterday... Despite trying to get him to stop the conversation as the kids were in the other room, he cornered me into telling him straight that we were at the point of divorce. He then made a big show to the kids that I 'was throwing him out'! Um no, and double no to throwing him out moments before I serve our kids their dinner? DH then dramatically left the house (twice) and the kids were in bits (until I served supper). An hour later DH returned with a replacement iron????
Once the kids were in bed, DH was filled with remorse for having physically pushed me that morning. He has also shoved my daughter a few months ago when she was misbehaving. I explained that there is no excuse for physical aggression, that he can't blame the victims and if he doesn't do it in front of visitors, he is absolutely in control. With regard to his moods and other aggressive behaviour, I explained that I can't help with what's going on in his head and that he needs to see a professional (I am pretty sure he's narcissistic but my life's too short to tell him that). He was very contrite and sorry for how he's treated me over the years (yada, yada).
He then fessed up that he was £2000 overdrawn, oh, two months ago. WTF?? Now, I have been suspicious that something was more a-miss than usual but given all that he bleats on about finances (and how crap I am with them), I thought I was being overly paranoid. The thing is he's also just had a BIG non-essential spend on his hobby (sorry DH, it is of course essential and an investment). He won't tell me what it cost (it's HIS money) but I confess to snooping (I have lost my trust in him) and we're talking £5000....
Anyway, I've no idea what this means for me and the kids??? I guess that's also a black mark on my credit score.
I feel a bit sick in the pit of my stomach and pretty low. Until today, I have enjoyed two months of actually not being depressed. I need to get back my va-va-voom because it's been nice knowing there's a point to me existing. Don't know what life will bring but divorce really is the only option. Ho-hum.
Any thoughts or nice tales of how SAHM's have survived post-divorce would be appreciated (I have a small part-time job and family is one aging parent two hour's drive from me).
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Huge sigh and then another sigh (long, getting off chest)
8 replies
Monny · 04/11/2014 21:19
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