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Did your dp/dh change after separating?

(7 Posts)
Levismum Mon 03-Nov-14 23:28:07

Exdp only moved out 2 weeks ago.

He's begging & pleading to come home. I feel so guilty but i really don't have any hope that we can reconcile our differences.

We're very different people. I've totally changed & if i met dp now, I wouldn't be interested in him.

He's making lots of promises but i think he's not being realistic.

Any positive stories of separating & -your relationship improving?

Levismum Mon 03-Nov-14 23:30:49

Sorry just to add. I do love dp. It's taken years & alot of courage to ask him to move out. We have dc so we need to get this situation resolved, as quickly as possible.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 04-Nov-14 07:50:44

My exH never asked to come back or offered to change largely because he instigated the split. But he came back briefly nevertheless because I was young, scared and begged him to. (Not proud of myself) It was OK at first but, a few months later, I realised it was a massive mistake.

So my suggestion to you is not to rush. I don't know why you split up but if you gave it years of thought and it took guts to get there the problems must have been pretty serious and it wasn't done hastily. However, it's bound to be upsetting all round and you have to give yourself time to adjust and get past the initial phase rather than be bounced into something you later regret through guilt. Two weeks is no time at all and promises to change are easily made and easily broken. If you have DC there's a bigger argument for creating stability rather than confuse them by Mum and Dad yo-yo-ing between being together and apart. Good luck

SoonToBeSix Tue 04-Nov-14 10:59:54

Is your dp abusive if yes then don't let him move back. If no then then you work on your relationship for yourself and for your children.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 04-Nov-14 11:01:36

No-one's obliged to 'work on their relationship' just because it's not abusive.... hmm

VenusRising Tue 04-Nov-14 11:04:08

I agree cogito, sounds like the OP has been in the trenches a long time.

Ime leopards don't change their spots.

Good luck Levismum.

GoatsDoRoam Tue 04-Nov-14 11:12:45

2 weeks is not enough for any kind of change to have taken place. Would you want to accept a partner into your life on the strength of a promise, or on the strength of actual behaviour?

He is making a lot of empty promises, and indeed he is not being realistic.

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